Home Alone….

It’s been kind of a bummer for me to discover exactly how boring I am when left on my own for great lengths of time.  I’ve been here, sans W., for almost 40 days.  And seriously, who has time to get out a calendar and actually tally that up for the sake of accuracy.  Ummm….yeah.  I do.

For the first bit I admit I didn’t need or want company, being too swallowed up by saddness, quite absorbed in myself and my emotions, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my mom is no longer of this earth.  Just saying that still has the power to make me weep, but I’m getting better.  Trying to focus on the positive, happy memories when staying in the now slips away somewhere.  

Learning to work with our new garbage collection system kept me happily occupied for longer than I care to admit.  Green cart, black cart, blue bags, recyclables and organics -  mind boggling stuff.  But now that I’ve had two successful collections I’ve kind of lost interest and don’t get quite so giddy about remembering which bucket the egg shells go into.

I’ve been reading, staying up too late, watching movies and whatever moronic tv shows catch my interest, playing computer games, taking naps, showing up for work, cooking for one.  Well, that last one is kind of misleading, unless preparing veggies and dip or throwing a sandwhich together counts as cooking.  And take-out could be a sub category, maybe?  I’ve done more yard work this past month than the entire rest of my life up til now I think. 

I’ve come to the startling conclusion that I could very easily turn into a complete slob when it comes to cleaning up after myself.  If there’s nobody around to notice that the bed isn’t made or the dishes aren’t washed, what real difference does it make in the grand scheme of things, right?  But then I think, good gawd, what if somebody popped by unexpectedly, how would I explain this, and I pretend it acutally matters, and that makes me get off my butt and straighten things up, all sorted out and ready for the next mess to happen.

Did I warn you this was going to be excrutiatingly boring?  I never thought doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, could get tedious.  So I intend to fix this problem by reading more, spending more time on the computer, and watching WAY more t.v.  That’s the rut I’m in and I don’t have enough ambition to get out of it.  So I’ll just have to become HAPPILY bored.