My Life According to Google

My Life According to Google

1: Type in “[your first name] needs” in the Google search:

Result: Lin needs 1. Mental Help
                                   2. Immediate hospitalization
(I had to share both of them, they were one right after the other!)

2: Type in “[your first name] looks” in Google search:

Result: Lin looks pale, denies having had brain surgery. (because it’s not that kind of hospital. doh.)

3: Type in “[your first name] hates” in Google search:

Result: Linda hates windows with the strength of a million suns. (well, doesn’t everyone??)

4: Type in “[your first name] goes” OR “[your first name] has gone” in Google search:

Result: Linda has gone flat!!! (Again, wrong hospital for getting that problem fixed.)

5: Type in “[your first name] loves” in Google search:

Result: … Lin Loves … and I love this idea of hers…she went out of the house one day with a pair of eyes and just stuck them on random objects. lol! … (and that’s no doubt one of the reasons why they came to take her away)

6: Type in “[your first name] eats” in Google search:

Result: Lin eats weird stuff. This lady eats things that fight back and wiggle on the way down. (cafeteria food)

7: Type in “[your first name] has” in Google search:

Result: Lin has a Bachelor of Arts degree in English language and literature, a Master’s degree in English-as-a-second-language education and a Doctoral degree in linguistics… (and a lot of other delusions)

8: Type in “[your first name] works” in Google search:

Result: Lin works at a table making miniature models of vegetables, bread, and bacon, each the size of a finger nail. … (HAHAHAHAHA!! What the hell, it’s something to do.)

9: Type in”[your first name] lives” in Google search:

Result: Lin lives in NT 2million new house; hitches ride to save money. (so she can buy more mini vegetable making supplies)

10: Type in “[your first name] died” in Google search:

Result: Whether Lin died in a plane crash while trying to flee to the Soviet Union or was killed for her role in the plot may never be known for certain. … (could be she just consumed a few too many miniature synthetic bacons)

11. Type in “[your first name] does” in Google search:

Result: Lin does the Hula. (How does Google KNOW these things about me???)

12: Type in “[your first name] will” in Google search:

Result: Did you mean: Lil will? Lil Wil is a rapper from Dallas, Texas. He recently made a big name for himself with recent hit singles: “My Dougie” & Bust It Wide Open” …
(Betcha he can’t hula.)