Coming Up Home Care

This is where a person would normally say something profound about the fork in the road.  Sorry, I’ve got nothing.

My November, Days Four and Five

Theres a reason why I did not commit or swear on a stack of holy books to post every single day of this month.  Because I know me and my procrastinating ways.

Yesterday I went to see W in his hospital bed.  He is doing well, all things considered, and in good spirits, which is half the battle after surgery.  He is coping well with the pain and doing everything he is told.  I delivered his phone to him, and the newspaper and his bathrobe.  He seriously is one of the most out going people I have ever known.  He engages everyone in conversation and learns more about a person’s life in five minutes than I would be able to figure out in a week.  I rarely remember someone’s name.  But I think he knows everybody on his floor.  So of course they all know him.

He has a room to himself and many attentive people taking care of him. He really likes the hospital food.  I wonder if that says something about my cooking….

He looked tired when I left, so I decided to leave him to his other visitors today, but I will be there to pick him up when he is discharged tomorrow morning.

And then I suppose the real fun begins when I get to play home care nurse.  Fun times.  We will muddle through.

 

Nothing is a Lucky Seven Letter Word

Yes, it’s a picture of a painting. Should I blow it up and frame it??

Yesterday I sat in the waiting room at the specialists office for my follow-up appointment concerning the results of the needle biopsy I had done over two weeks ago.  Our holiday in Ontario was wonderful, by the way.  I forgot a hundred times that all this was hanging over my head.  The time flew by.  Time waiting in a doctor’s office does not fly.  There were eons of it to look around at all the other people there facing their own worries and battles and challenges.  I’m not so special after all.  Just another patient to be diagnosed and treated.

And it turns out I’m okay.  There is no cancer, there is no lymphoma.  Just inflammation from an infection that never cleared.  Who knows where or why.  Today I start on a course of heavy-duty antibiotics for a month, and return on the 22nd of September to have it all reassessed.  The biopsy found nothing.  “Nothing” never sounded so good.

You don’t realize how much something is weighing on you until it’s lifted and set aside.  The relief is huge.  I feel like my life has been given back to me.  I know that’s way over the top for drama considering the circumstances, because I would have dealt with a different outcome too, one way or another.

And then this turns out to be the same day Robin Williams decides to end his life.  I just don’t get it.  We look after the physical body so well, but our mental, emotional and spiritual healing practices need a lot of work.  All I know for sure is that no matter how difficult this life might get, I still want to live it.

But maybe that’s because the degree of difficulty has never overwhelmed me.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be to battle depression every day of your life.

So are we back to normal here yet?  Picking out all the funny little things in life that make us happy?  Annoying the hell out of people who have REAL problems?

Yes we are.

Just Jazzy 273

Jazzy Does 100 Days of Happiness 60

Happiness is seeing a psychic who tells you nothing but good things, and then throws in some weird healing magic at the end for good measure.

Harvest Moon

English: harvest moon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tonight’s the night.  The moon I see isn’t orange or pink, but it’s full and bright and lighting up this cool September night.  It has other names – maybe you know it better as Full Corn Moon, Elk Moon, Wine Moon (that would be my choice) or Singing Moon.

No matter what you call it, when there’s a Harvest Moon it’s a good idea to stay calm, breathe deeply, let your negativity go and focus on sending positive energy out into the universe.

You should also send blessings, healing and peaceful energy, forgiveness and loving kindness.  The alternative, if the moon catches you in a bad mood,  is to suffer from temporary insomnia and insanity.  Whatever emotions you’re feeling are multiplied a gazillion times by a full moon.  So sprinkle your world with moon glitter and make with the good vibes.  Yes, the part about moon glitter I made up, but the rest of it could all be true.

Until tonight I didn’t realize the moon had so many aliases.

• January – Wold Moon, Old Moon
• February – Snow Moon, Hunger Moon
• March – Worm, Crow, Sap, or Lenten Moon
• April – Seed, Pink, Sprouting Grass, Egg, or Fish Moon.  Go April.
• May – Milk Moon, Flower Moon, Corn Planting Moon
• June – Mead, Strawberry, Rose or Thunder Moon.
• July – Hay Moon, Buck Moon, or another Thunder Moon
• August – Corn Moon, Sturgeon Moon, Red Moon, Green Corn Moon, Grain Moon.  Whew.
• September – Harvest Moon,  Full Corn Moon
• October – Hunter’s Moon, Blood/Sanguine Moon
• November – Beaver Moon, Frosty Moon
• December – Oak Moon, Cold Moon, Long Nights Moon

Memorize this list and impress your friends.

To get yourself into the proper Harvest Moon mood, sing along with Neil.  And check out the dude with the broom in the parking lot.  I told you the moon makes you do weird stuff.

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleeping
We could dream this night away.

But there’s a full moon rising
Let’s go dancing in the light
We know where the music’s playing
Let’s go out and feel the night.

Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it’s getting late
And the moon is climbing high
I want to celebrate
See it shining in your eye.

Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

The Healing Gift

English: Spiritual Healing Church – Princes Square (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My sister has been told by more than one psychic that she has the gift of healing, and it’s true.  She does.

The people closest to her don’t need a clairvoyant to point this out to them.  Her specialty is not in the realm of physical health – as far as I know she can’t cure disease or mend a broken bone.  Her gift is her ability to listen to problems and sum up situations, to empathize and sympathize and soothe the hurt.

Something in her nature makes it easy for her to do this.  She thinks of the most considerate, kind and thoughtful things to do and then she does them, without a lot of contemplation and without the expectation of getting anything in return.  She heals moods, and spirits, and souls.  And she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

Sorry, you can’t have her, she belongs to our family. We’d be a sorry lot without her.

So imagine my consternation on reading my horoscope for today:

You may be asked to take on a teaching role in your spiritual circle today. People will be seeking out your wisdom, knowledge, and experience. You could discover that you have a healing gift, or benefit from the healing talents of another.

The confusion comes from a number of things.  Spiritual circle is one of them, since I didn’t know I had one.  People coming to me for wisdom?  Good luck with that.  I already benefit from the healing talents of another, just by talking to her.  But they’ve got the wrong sister for discovering another healing gift because I think I’m better at making things worse.

Our mom was the kind of person who did wonderful and selfless things for others, but she was also a worrier.  Her mind was always going a mile a minute and often her mouth couldn’t keep up.  She would start to say something and jumble it all up with three or four more seemingly unrelated ideas and before you could sort any of it out, go off on another tangent altogether.  The run-on sentences were a challenge, but the unfinished ones were even more puzzling.  I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse to think so much.  She took everything to heart and analyzed it to death and as a result said a lot of truly amazing things, and maybe my brain just couldn’t keep up.  But I was always able to see how badly she wanted to save the world, and I knew at a very young age that I just didn’t want to be bothered with any of it.

So I became not just selfish, but oblivious.  The world revolved around me, and everyone else could solve their own stupid problems.  This worked out really well for me until I had a husband and children.  “Me” got lost in the pandemonium for a lot of years.

Now that they’re grown up and on their own and coping as well as can be expected after having a mother like me, I’m back to my introspective ways.  I’m done with trying to be the glue that holds the rest of my family together.  Even if they don’t know it,  they really don’t need me, and it’s wonderful to be free.  Of course I’ll help in any way I can if they ask me to, but it’s nice to know they’re smart enough to ignore my advice when it’s completely out to lunch.

Other people aren’t that smart.  They’ll tell me about something that happened or try to explain some situation that’s giving them grief, and I’ll egg them on. Even if I don’t deep down care AT ALL, I’ll add fuel to the fire.  I have a knack for encouraging resentment and making angry people even more irate.  I get people fired up and then I back away to let them deal with it.  This talent for motivation in the wrong direction could never be misconstrued as a gift.  It’s a malediction that I should be fighting.  Not only am I still not saving the world – what’s even worse is that I am making it a more miserable place to be.

Well, recognizing there’s a problem is a huge part of the cure, right?  I would like to be that person who listens and absorbs and calms and helps, and not the one off whom you bounce your concerns, only to get them back looking ten times worse than they were before.  You do not want to talk to the riot inciting sister, you need the healing one.  I’m not there yet.

Will I ever be?  Who knows?  Maybe the stars know something I don’t.  Maybe I need to heal myself first.