James Lennox: I’m a drug dealer.
Neil Bucyk: I bury dead people.
Eddie Strombeck: I have a single digit sperm count.
Chris Cutter: And I’m a naked cheater. I say we go for it. Are you with me? Let’s do it.
(Men With Brooms, 2002)
HA! Is this a strangely Canadian answer? CURLING! The Brier! The Tournament of Hearts! Any old championship tournament will do, I don’t care where or why. Shuffleboard and Chess on ice! Be still my heart.
I watch it on tv. I get caught up in the teamwork and the strategy. The rocks, the sweeping, the shouting; the commentary and the analysis and the polite discussion after a shot that is either incredibly brilliant or has gone disastrously wrong. The reading of the ice. The delivery, the house, the scoreboard that looks like baseball, the guards, the draws and the take-outs.
I love it all. As far as major sporting events go, that’s about all the excitement I can handle.