Acquired Tastes

What foods will I never develop an acquired taste for?

“Never” sounds so final. I don’t think I will ever eat bugs, but if they’re all that stands between me and starvation, it’s possible that I could suddenly acquire a taste for them. One NEVER knows. Never say never.

What about drinks? Well what about ‘what about’ questions that don’t really ask you anything specific and therefore get answers that are tentative and vague? I don’t like egg nog. I’ve never tasted axel grease but what about you please don’t put any in my coffee.

What’s the most recent purchase that I regret making?  That would be jar of mayonnaise number three. Seriously. Mayo does not have eternal shelf life. I need to start paying closer attention. There’s only so much potato salad you can ingest before you want to quietly lie down and die.

Have I started making any summer travel plans? No I have not. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to sit at home and watch my grass grow. In between stretches of filling in for co-workers who put themselves down for holidays in July and August without consulting me first. Morons.

What’s worth paying top dollar for? Horticultural Services. I did not know this until a couple of weeks ago when the lawn care dream team came to my house and power raked and aerated and edge trimmed and zipped around the property front and back with about six lawn mowers at once. It was a beautiful thing to witness. I would have paid double for it. There is of course no need to tell them that and risk having them get all cocky about what a great job they did. I’m thinking about consulting their fully qualified horticulturist to see if there are any organisms in the vegetable kingdom that don’t require water and will grow in the shade. Neither of my thumbs have even the tiniest hint of green anywhere on them. My mere presence appears to cause plants to wither and die. Perhaps he will tell me plastic plants are the answer. There, look at all the money I just saved myself.

Name a movie that you still haven’t gotten around to seeing……too late! I just watched it a couple of days ago. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1. The most cinematically rewarding chapter yet. That’s what the box says. Horcruxes, lethal snakes, perilous missions, the tragic death of a house elf – this movie has it all.

What social media faux pas bother me the most?

Social Media = Facebook

Faux Pas = embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion

Bother = annoy, worry, confuse

All of the above being set in stone, I would have to say retarded status updates.

Retarded = birdbrained, dim-witted, totally gorked

Okay, are we there yet? I think that gets me all caught up on the latest gorky prompts.

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