If I Could Star in any TV Commercial

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind

Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?

(Five Man Electrical Band)

I’ve kind of lost interest in TV lately. And one of the main reasons for that is all the stupid commercials. I don’t like flyers and I don’t like magazines because they are 90% ads. I love the channel changer and the recycle bin which allow me to rid my life of huge bunches of useless information. I hang up on phone solicitors. Sorry, it’s nothing personal.

I’m truly sorry that there are so many people out there gainfully employed in the business of advertising. They are creative and sometimes even inspirational but mostly their end efforts end up annoying the hell out of everyone. Except for the funny stuff, but have you ever noticed that when a commercial makes you laugh out loud, later you can’t remember what product they were trying to push?

Anyway, the point is, I don’t think I’d like to be a part of any kind of TV commercial, as the star or in any other role. Advertising has its place and it’s nice to know when something goes on sale I guess, but I don’t appreciate the constant bombardment and the information overload and the same assinine brainwashing blather over and over and over again. In case we’re all too dull to grasp it the first time around. Or maybe this moment in time will be the one when we’re not all off to grab a snack or take a bathroom break. Commercials do come in handy for that.

At work we put up a sign on the debit machine saying we can do cash backs at our till for up to twenty dollars only, and to please use the pen for the on-screen prompts. Nobody reads the sign unless we physically grab them by the neck and shake them until their eyeballs roll. Well actually I’ve never tried that, and I don’t know if it would work, but it would certainly make me feel better about my day. Seriously, people don’t pay attention to half the stuff that we’re trying to get across to them because it’s all TOO MUCH. Everything can’t be the BEST. Stop trying to make us believe it.

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