Onion Predictions

(sample front page of The Onion news)

This has been an incredibly long, long, drawn out day…..But it’s the first day of February so I am not complaining.  Any day that isn’t in January has got to be a better day than the ones that ARE in January.  Just because.

It’s the first day of a bunch of new rules at work, one of which is that attendance at meetings is compulsory for every department.  This morning was my turn to show up.  Not because I am lucky and get to go first, but because I was the only one in our division on the work schedule at meeting time.  Supposedly.  I did not attend.  It was either over and done with before I arrived, or was held 45 minutes after I arrived and nobody told me.  I asked two people and got two different answers so I stopped asking because three inquiries about something you don’t care about in the first place is just overkill.

Too bad – I had fully intended to take notes – had a pad and paper all ready to go.  I decided the night before to be a self appointed statistician and keep an accurate tally of such things as how many people managed to stay conscious for the alotted time period.  I was actually hoping to include myself in the final count.

Mid morning our manager called in sick, so I had to stay late until the doctor had seen all her patients.  There were too many booked to leave one optician on her own, but after nine hours of work I don’t know how helpful I was being.  Then I had to go and pick up some groceries so that we won’t starve to death over night.  Also had to take the garbage and recycling to the curb.  Bring in the mail.  Put something in the oven.  Put the groceries away.  Sit down and blather away about my day.  All important stuff.  Of course W comes home after everything is done. He has some kind of built in radar that let’s him know when it’s safe to show up.

I have a link to the Onion under Blogroll here on my homepage – I don’t like real news much, but I get a kick out of the fake made up stuff it seems.  Every so often they have “news stories” that are hilariously ridiculous.  They also have a horoscope page – because what great newspaper doesn’t have one of those.  The following are the Taurus predictions for January.  Reading them late probably won’t change my life.

Conflicts at work and at home are cleared up instantly this week when you decide that all women are basically just crazy bitches.

Your fear of pubic speaking won’t be helped by your habit of saying things that make large groups of people want to attack you.

You have yet to find a love worthy of your unique affections and depth of spirit. You should strongly consider getting a goldfish.

You’ll need to find new solutions to the same old problems this week, mostly because you’re really building up quite a tolerance to alcohol.

Most accidents occur at home, so stay safe this week by living on the streets of a distant city.


Next up on my agenda – go to bed with every intention of reading pages and pages of my current book on kindle.

What will actually happen – passed out in under five minutes.  Now there’s a prediction that’s bang on.

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