The Passport Photo

Is there anyone on this planet who has a passport photo they’re proud to show off in public? I’ve just gone to get a new one done because suddenly my passport is five years old and expired and needs renewing. I have no plans to leave the country at the moment, but I believe it’s a good thing to keep it current, just in case.

In my original picture I look mad enough to kill somebody. My face was too shiny so the photographer made me blot it with powder until I resembled a mime. Then I was concentrating so hard on keeping my chin up and my face straight to the camera and my lips not smiling that I have not just an intense frown, but a truly murderous scowl. It would give your children nightmares. Completely awful. I can’t believe I’m sharing it with you.

This time around I was going for a result that looked a little less homicidal. I gave pensive and solemn my best shot. What I ended up with is a picture that does not say “I’m furious enough to rip your face off”, but instead “Please, for the love of God, shoot me now.” Honestly, people on their death beds do not look this disgusted and sad.

If you haven’t had a good laugh all day, you’re welcome. Who IS that freaked out woman on the left??. I’m worried that I still might be too shiny, but perhpas the passport people can dull it down a bit once they get it all pressed and pasted and shellacked with rainbow counterfeit lines or whatever it is they do to alter Canadian passports in order to make people look scary and fierce. I am from Canada. Be very afraid.

My driver’s license is also expiring this year, so I’ll get to pose AGAIN for another mug shot, but I have a couple of months to get over the trauma of this one first. This could be mental institution Before and After pics: Raging Psychotic to Heavily Sedated.

And that’s entirely enough fun at my own expense for one day.

Yesterday turned out to be ALMOST as pissy as it was supposed to be, but I lived through it. Two more nights at work and then some much needed rest and freedom. That face could use some serious cheering up.

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