The Oxymoron Poem

I used to love this silly poem when dad would recite it to us.  He loved poetry and he loved nonsense.  So it was a perfect fit.

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Hobos and Tramps!

Cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants!

Admission is free, please pay at the door.

Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

I stand here beside you to sit down behind you

To tell you all something I know nothing about.

One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced one another,

Drew their swords and shot eachother, .

A blind man came to see fair play,

A dumb man came to shout hurray!

A mute onlooker shrieked in fright

And a lame man danced at the ghastly sight.

A deaf policeman heard the noise

And came to arrest the two dead boys.

A paralysed donkey passing by

Kicked them all and made them fly.

Knocked them through a nine inch wall

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

If you don’t believe this lie is true

Ask the blind man.  He saw it too.

(There are other versions, but this is the one I remember.)