I used to love this silly poem when dad would recite it to us. He loved poetry and he loved nonsense. So it was a perfect fit.
Ladies and Gentlemen! Hobos and Tramps!
Cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants!
Admission is free, please pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
I stand here beside you to sit down behind you
To tell you all something I know nothing about.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot eachother, .
A blind man came to see fair play,
A dumb man came to shout hurray!
A mute onlooker shrieked in fright
And a lame man danced at the ghastly sight.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to arrest the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
Kicked them all and made them fly.
Knocked them through a nine inch wall
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don’t believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man. He saw it too.
(There are other versions, but this is the one I remember.)
Breathing Space 
That’s great. I taught poetry as part of library classes I gave to montessori kids years agao, and in nonsense verse I had this one, but the whole first part I hadn’t seen before. They’re fun to make up yourself as well.
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It’s a great one for kids, that’s for sure. 🙂
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I can hear the kids now….”Wait a minute grandma, somethings wrong.”
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You mean Somethings Worng.
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Am definitely teachin my kids this. Our poems are too blah in this side of the world,
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My dad used to recite bits of this to us whenever the mood hit – made us laugh every time.
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That’s cute.
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It’s the kind of nonsense I loved as a child. (Maybe I haven’t really grown up…..)
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Haha.
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I learned a shorter and slightly different version as a kid. The part that’s different: There is going to be a ladies meeting, strictly for men. The admission is free so pay at the door. There are plenty of seats so sit on the floor. Now let us get down to history. That’s all I remember ; – )
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I think there’s a lot of versions of this one floating around out there. Not exactly a classic. lol
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How fun! I heard this as a kid but had forgotten all about it.
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I love thus bit of nonsense. Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for visiting my blog today. I appreciate the time you took to stop by. May your day be filled with joy and peace.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
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I`ve not heard that before thank you. What came to my mind was `Yesterday, upon the stair I saw a man who wasn`t there. He wasn`t there again today. I wish that he would go away`. 🙂
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You’ve inspired me to research that! It’s delightful!
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Aha, Gran, you’ve just written part of the poem I posted on Life of Contradiction. Who wrote it? Your version is longer and love it.
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I don’t know who wrote it – this is just one of the versions I remember hearing as a child. The crazier and more impossible it got, the more we liked it. 🙂
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I love oxymoron’s! 🙂
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=D reminds me of the rhymes from my childhood
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Thanks for reading my blog. I will follow yours and invite you to follow mine. beebeesworld
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Love it!! And that’s no lie!
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My children howled with laughter. 🙂
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Perfect. I love that it’s still making kids laugh. 🙂
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Hey, it made me laugh, too. 🙂
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I LOVED this!! I grew up with a version of this poem too but yours has more details! I am going to reblog this because I cannot resist! Have an awesome week!~
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Reblogged this on Blog Me This…. and commented:
This poem is awesome! I grew up with it too and could not resist sharing it with my friends…Y’all have a goodun! 🙂
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I love it. My dad used to recite some of that starting “One sunny day in the middle of the night” and as such I say it my kids as well. I love it
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I loved your longer version! What fun it is!
I’m going to try and memorize a version that blends yours with the one I know from childhood:
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight;
One was blind and the other couldn’t see,
So they called the devil for a ref-er-ee.
Back to back they faced each other;
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And he beat the life out of two dead boys!
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I heard this once a long long time ago, lol! I loved reading it here today. So corny! I loved it just the same! 😉
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love it:) you took me back to the front of my childhood hahahhaha
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We had one of those hand-clap games to this, “One bright morning in the middle of the night…two dead boys got up to fight…” Brings back some awesome memories! Thank you so much for sharing!
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Okay this is a funny poem! I love how poetry can appeal to any emotion! 🙂
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Nostalgia! My dad used to recite parts of this frequently. Fun to remember. Thanks.
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Yes, I have heard some of it before but there is new bits within this. I think it may have been around for a long time. Great share, I enjoyed it, brought back memories. Namaste
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I’ll have to try and memorize this one. Thanks
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This is great!!!
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Ha!
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A version from back in the “50s:
“Leadheads and jellyfish, bedbugs and mice, cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged lice. I stand here before you, not behind you, to address you, not to undress you. Last night about 8 o’clock this morning, an empty truck loaded with bricks sped slowly down the back alley, ran over a dead cat and almost killed it. Rushed it to the hospital and found the nurses sick. Looked up 10 stories down, saw the doctors eating vinegar with a paper fork made of iron . . .
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