H is for Horoscope Haiku

Horoscope readings can be enigmatic, bewildering and about as clear as mud.  I know they’re generously peppered with words like possibly, likely, might and may, so that no matter how insane the prediction sounds as a whole, there’s always some little obscure bit of it that is close enough to the truth to make you wonder.  Or at the very least laugh and roll your eyes.

Whiteboard: A l33t haiku and somthing else. (Photo credit: blue_j)

Haiku is a little like that too.  Although originally it wasn’t supposed to be funny. The poems were songs, prayers, and incantations to the gods, meant to celebrate an awareness of the moment, holding all things in reverence.  A haiku is a sort of meditation, conveying an image or a feeling.  Of course if you’re not Japanese you’ll have a harder time getting it right.  But you can still be happy with your “English Haiku” efforts simply by saying what you think and adhering to the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.   Never mind all that stuff about season words, two-part juxtapositional structure, and objective sensory imagery.  Really.  I did some research and ended up with a headache.

But not a severe enough one to stop me from mixing horoscope with haiku and coming up with some incredible poetry.  That’s what I’m calling it.  You may want to describe it some other way.

Cranky love partner,

it’s time to pick a path and

try to heal the rift.

***

When you are patient

on the upside or the down,

gaps become smaller.

***

Make him a sandwich.

Love will bloom if you never

let him get hungry.

***

Don’t just go along

ignoring your best talents.

Get off your fat ass.

***

Try to get along,

accept all the differences,

nobody’s perfect.

***

A blast of romance

will broaden your horizons

with far-reaching change.

***

Happiness backdrop

if you travel far away,

persevere my dear.

***

My horoscope didn’t use the exact words get off your fat ass.  I improvised on that phrase and a few others.  Think haiku horoscope will catch on?  Personally I’m kind of hoping this is a one time thing and we never see it again.