Five Steps to a Good Morning

Weekly Writing Challenge  Detail a three to five step story or process, and illustrate each of the steps with something visual.

I have been practicing these Five Steps and having Good Mornings for a lot of years.  Time to spread some joy.

Step One:  Push the Brew Button

Step One: Push the Brew Button on your coffee pot until it turns Red or Green or whatever colour indicates “Yes I Am ON”.

The reason you are able to stumble down the hallway and into the kitchen and start your coffee brewing with one finger is because you got the whole thing ready to go the night before, in anticipation of being in No Mood to do much more than that before having your first cup of coffee.  I don’t know what life before coffee means.  I don’t think there is any such a thing.

Step Two:  Select One Big-Assed Coffee Cup

Step Two: Select One Big-Assed Coffee Cup

I own four of these monster mugs, in a variety of colors.  Red is my favourite, but this orange one will have to do today because all the other ones are in the dishwasher.  At least I hope that’s where they are.  Frankly, they could be anywhere.

Step Three:  Choose your Poison.  Add to cup FIRST.  If you do this first, you will not have to do any strenuous stirring later.

Step Three: Choose your Poison. Add to cup FIRST. If you do this first, you will not have to do any strenuous stirring later.

Hazelnut cream is NOT good for you, but then neither is coffee, really, so don’t worry about it.

Step Four:  Fill Cup With Freshly Brewed Coffee.

Step Four: Fill Cup With Freshly Brewed Coffee.

If you are very observant you will have already noticed that I do not own a coffee carafe.  I never met one that I could pour coffee from without making a big mess, and do you know how easy it is to break one of those stupid glass things?  And how hard they are to replace?  There are some stressful things that can be removed from your life very simply, and I suggest you give the elimination of the coffee carafe some serious thought.

Step Five:  Just Breathe.  Inhale, Exhale.  Take a sip.  Enjoy the moment.

Step Five: Just Breathe. Inhale, Exhale. Take a sip. Enjoy the moment.

Look out the kitchen window.  Smile at the mountain of snow and the bird feeder being guarded by your very own freaked out nasty squirrel.  It doesn’t matter that the sun isn’t shining.  It doesn’t matter that the temperature is still below freezing.  It doesn’t matter that you have to get ready for work soon.  Oh, wait.  That one does matter.

Step Six:  (Optional)  Transport Mug to New Location and Continue on with your morning until you require a Refill.  Details to follow but only if you can't figure that out on your onw.

Step Six: (Optional) Transport Mug to New Location and Continue on with your morning until you require a Refill. Details to follow but only by popular demand if there is anyone out there who actually needs help with this complicated process.

I hope you got all this, because if you did it right, you will want to do it all over again tomorrow.  Enjoy your coffee.  Enjoy your day.

Six Odd Things

Cover of "Far From Normal"

Cover of Far From Normal

Daily Prompt:  Far From Normal  Many of us think of our lives as boringly normal, while others live the high life. Take a step back, and take a look at your life as an outsider might. Now, tell us at least six unique, exciting, or just plain odd things about yourself.

These things I’m going to mention about myself are not unique or exciting, so I guess that just leaves odd.  I can probably do odd.

1.  I hate surprises.  I like to be warned and advised well in advance of things happening whenever possible.  Anticipation is more than half the fun for me.  I need time to prepare.  And brace myself.  And think up some good excuses as to why I can’t do whatever it is you want me to do or go where you want me to go or meet who you want me to meet.  I am the exact opposite of spontaneous.  Premeditated would be the only kind of murder I’d be capable of committing.

2.  I do not mind being alone.   For five or six months of the year I rattle around in this house all by myself while W is off wandering around on his island.  I don’t know why every married couple doesn’t try this, at least once.  Time apart makes the heart grow fonder.  Or makes you forget what exactly you needed that person hanging around for all the time in the first place.  Many people have wondered out loud how I can handle being on my own so much, but the truth is, if I couldn’t handle it, I wouldn’t do it.  I don’t think people need to be joined at the hip to someone else in order to be happy.

3.  Almost every day I consume blueberries and spinach AT THE SAME TIME.  Both of them are smooshed up in a blender with other stuff and unrecognizable, but this daily concoction still manages to make W question my taste buds, gag reflex and sanity.  Since he refuses to drink these things with me I’ve decided I’m going to live longer, just to make a point.

4.  I will go out of my way to avoid confrontation of any kind.  My parents never really fought long and hard about anything, but it always upset me when they had an argument or even a discussion about things on which they could not agree.  Maybe that’s part of the reason why it’s usually easy for me to see both sides of a story, and hard for me to take a stand on either one.  We had to participate in ‘debates’ at school and I never wanted to hurt anyones feelings by telling them they were wrong, and I always took rebuttals much too personally.  I couldn’t stand to hear my own kids fight about stupid things.  I often hear myself saying “I don’t want to argue with you” even when I know the other person is dead wrong.  I’ll give you my opinion if I have one, but I’m not prepared to defend it to the death.  There’s too much fighting in this world.  I am not a fighter.

5.  I have received several blog awards in the last little while and I will probably never get around to accepting them properly.    This doesn’t mean I’m not grateful, thankful and appreciative of the honor and the attention.  It simply means I am lazier than dirt when it comes to recognizing these things.  I’m sorry.  Even the thought of blog tag makes me crave a long nap.  Please look to your right at the long list of blogs I love to follow.  The list gets longer every day so keep checking back (and stop rolling your eyes about that last bit.)  There are so many amazing writers and thinkers and beautiful souls out there that it would probably kill me to pick and choose who to mention.  And I’m not yet ready to die.  So click on anybody on my list and then click on their lists and so on and so on and I’ll probably never see you again.

Sell, Sell, Sell

Sell, Sell, Sell (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6.  I don’t think I should be doing the job I’m doing.  I am not a very good salesperson.  I prefer to think of myself as a health professional first, but I’m in a retail setting where I am expected to sell stuff.  More often than not I find myself talking people out of spending their money on things they really don’t need.  I am supposed to up-sell, but I tend to undersell instead.  I’m so fed up with having a job that dwells on money and numbers and percentages and increases.  I am sick and tired of the greed.  How many millions are sufficient millions?  Can no one ever get to the point where something is ENOUGH?  Of course, due to my passive nature, I never bring this up in job evaluations.  I just lie a lot about my goals and pretend I’ll try harder.  What I really want to do is retire and sit around doing non-strenuous, non-confrontational, non-aggressive things like drinking coffee and breathing.

Even my odd things have turned out to be boringly normal.  Next time I promise I’ll try to come up with something unique and exciting instead.  You know, sort of in the same way that these things happen following my yearly evaluation.  So try to contain your enthusiasm for that.

Pink Shoelaces

Pink Shoelaces

Pink Shoelaces (Photo credit: CraigSnedeker)

This morning I “Liked” a page on Facebook called Groovy Reflections.  “Peace, Love Grooviness. Groovy Reflections™ is dedicated to the celebration of life and song. Our greatest wish is that everyone can find peace in their lives and in their hearts.” 

Well, how in the world could I NOT like that?

Next thing I know there’s a link on my news feed for this video by Dodie Stevens who celebrates her 67th birthday today.  Happy Birthday Dodie!  If you don’t know who Dodie Stevens is, you are about to find out.  I don’t remember ever hearing her name before (although I’m sure I must have) but I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THIS SONG!  Isn’t the memory a strange and wonderful thing.

Now I’ve got a guy and his name is Dooley He’s my guy and I love him truly He’s not good lookin’, heaven knows But I’m wild about his crazy clothes

He wears tan shoes with pink shoelaces A polka dot vest and man, oh, man Tan shoes with pink shoelaces And a big Panama with a purple hat band

He takes me deep-sea fishing in a submarine We go to drive-in movies in a limousine He’s got a whirly-birdy and a 12-foot yacht Ah, but that’s not all he’s got

He’s got tan shoes with pink shoelaces A polka dot vest and man, oh, man Tan shoes with pink shoelaces And a big Panama with a purple hat band

Now Dooley had a feelin’ we were goin’ to war So he went out and enlisted in a fightin’ corps But he landed in the brig for raisin’ such a storm When they tried to put him in a uniform

He wanted tan shoes with pink shoelaces A polka dot vest and man, oh, man He wanted tan shoes with pink shoelaces And a big Panama with a purple hat band

Now one day Dooley started feelin’ sick And he decided that he better make his will out quick He said “Just before the angels come to carry me I want it down in writin’ how to bury me.”

Wearin’ tan shoes with pink shoelaces A polka dot vest and man, oh, man Give me tan shoes with pink shoelaces And a big Panama with a purple hat band

My musical tastes are so stuck in the 60’s and 70’s it’s kind of scary.  But how amazingly delightful is this, to see Dodie Stevens some 40 years later, still looking and sounding great.

Obviously I’m enjoying a wonderful, peaceful, lazy, do-nothing kind of Sunday afternoon.  Hope you are too.

When WAS the Last Time??

Daily Prompt:  When was the last time someone told you they were proud of you?

"Am I proud" - NARA - 513787

“Am I proud” – NARA – 513787 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have given this one a tremendous amount of thought, and here are my ten possible answers.

1.  Never?

2.  I can’t remember exactly, but I think it had something to do with potty training.

3.  Stop it.  Pride is a sin.

4.  Hey, I’m the one who should be proud, not you.  Why do you get to feel proud?

5.  Shut up.

6.  Is there a wine that goes with that?

7.  I don’t normally do exceptional things inspiring proudness.  Laughter I can provoke.  Or crying.  Or both at the same time.   But no one has ever said they’re proud of me for that.  Although it could be only a matter of time before it happens because you never know, right?

8.  Pride cometh before a fall.

9.  I think my mother and father were proud of me but they wanted me to be humble so they never mentioned it.

10.  Did you know pretentious, jazzy and la-di-da are all related words?  Huh. Too bad this question didn’t involve a couple of those.  THEN you would have seen a great answer.

I asked W this question and right away he told me when it was said, by whom, and for what reason.  Gawd, sometimes he annoys the hell out of me.

Hyperbole Could Be the Most Fun You’ll Have in This Lifetime.

Trifextra Challenge:  For this weekend’s challenge we’re asking you to include some hyperbole in
your piece.  It doesn’t have to be the whole piece, but it needs to be in there,
and we’re looking for 33 words, as usual.

More hyperbole

More hyperbole (Photo credit: soukup)

“It takes forever to get home by cab and costs a fortune.  I live on the other side of the universe.”

“We’ve asked you a bazillion times, please stop exaggerating.  You’re killing us.”

trifecta button

Authors Note:  The hardest part of this challenge was, for yours truly – the ultimate supreme hyperbole queen to infinity and beyond – having to stop myself at 33 words.  Whew.  But don’t cry me any rivers, I’m okay.  I refrained from setting myself on fire in frustration.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and lie down for a couple of days.