1. I have learned that baby kale has better blending qualities in a smoothie than mature tough-as-boot-leather all grown up kale. I freeze little zip lock bags stuffed with spinach and kale and use one in every smoothie.
2. Avocado pits take for flaming ever to grow roots. From now on I’m just going to toss them in the compost box and let them fend for themselves.
3. Lemon seeds disappear in a blender, freeing one from the task of laboriously digging them out of the lemon before adding it to the blender. Now I just throw the whole thing in there and forget about the seeds. So far no lemon trees have grown out of my ears.
4. Don’t touch the blueberries with your bare hands. Unless you like blue hands and stubborn blue stains under your fingernails.
5. Cut back on the antioxidant juices or coconut water to about half and use calorie free water instead. Yes, it took me longer than the normal person to figure this one out.
6. A Starbucks tumbler and a straw combine to make it less likely that my lips will turn a color not normally found in nature. For lips, anyway.
7. A good veggie powder is better than a protein powder. This is my opinion, based on reading somewhere that you shouldn’t mix protein with fruit. I prefer to get my protein from other sources, such as actual chicken breasts. Some things are better left unblended.
8. Chia seeds appear to be indestructible, which makes me wonder if and how they’re being digested. Apparently you can grind them up, but seriously, who has time for chia seed grinding. Not me.
9. Cinnamon and ginger add subtle flavor, but turmeric tastes weird. I now take turmeric in tasteless capsule form.
10. Besides going half-assed gluten-free, I am also trying to cut back on dairy. I no longer put huge globs of Greek yogurt in my smoothies, and frankly, I don’t miss it. The avocado and a banana add enough thickness.
11. I need to stop reading all those health food going green articles because every time I do there’s another ingredient I feel compelled to add to my morning blender concoction from hell. Besides, one of these days I’ll probably come across some dire warning about smoothies being bad for you. With all health crazes it’s just a matter of time.
12. My skin looks better, I’ve lost some weight, and breakfast has never been more fun. I’ve been drinking these things haphazardly for a couple of years, and religiously for about six months. Even if the various health benefits are all in my head, I don’t care. If nothing else, I am doing my part to keep spinach farmers in business.