Not Quite Right


Hey! It's the Christmas Witch Doctor!

Hey! It’s the Christmas Witch Doctor!

If I am boring myself enough with all my health related thoughts that I can’t stay awake to write them down, then there isn’t much chance that anyone else will find them gripping.  Or helpful.  Thus my procrastination when it comes to ending this blog-neglect thing I have going on.

But I seriously have NOTHING much else happening in my life just now.

Except maybe for Facebook where I read this little story about a nurse who was bathing her patient when he asked her, “Are my testicles black?”   So she checked them out for him and reassured him that everything looked just fine down there.

“Well, that’s great,” he said, “But what I asked you was ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?”

This is a perfect example of how I hear things, all mangled up and misconstrued and just not quite on the money.  W requested the other day from another room that I put play dough on the grocery shopping list.  That’s what I heard.  I think it could have been bagels or maybe Leggo.  I don’t know.

And when I went for more needle biopsies on my neck last week (follow-up from a year ago in case there are changes) the doctor told me when he was finished to keep the band-aid on for fifty hours.  That sounded odd, so I wondered if maybe he meant fifteen hours, but that seemed a strange time frame too.  A few hours??  Then he went on to talk about pain killers and results and another visit and I had to pay attention to all that so I forgot to ask for clarification on the band-aid issue.  I took it off when it started to itch.  I am still alive.

Whenever I ask W to repeat himself he gets annoyed and on my case about getting a hearing aid.  But I don’t want one yet.  And here are some of the reasons why I’m being stubborn about it.

  1.  I have inherited my dads intolerance for noise.  He didn’t like the television or the radio blaring away either.  Or people who shouted when they talked.  Or a lot of different types of racket going on at once.  He liked peace and quiet.  Me too.
  2. At night I can still hear clocks ticking and faucets dripping and dogs barking and husbands snoring.  I’d like to get deaf enough to NOT hear those things.  Then we’ll talk.  And I won’t be able to even wildly guess what you’re telling me, so won’t that be fun?
  3. When I was an optician I found people in denial about their need for progressive lenses to be the most apt to dislike them and not adapt to wearing their new multi focal glasses.  I’ve heard it’s the same with hearing aids.  I don’t want to spend all that money on something until I’m sure I need it and really want it and will wear it and like it.  The option of being able to turn it off at will is certainly appealing.
  4. Part of my hearing “problem” is no doubt my inability to pay attention.  My mind wanders off on tangents.  I zone out.  Teachers often remarked about how much time I spent day dreaming.  I’m still doing it.  Sorry, did you say something?
  5. The things I hear are often way funnier than the things actually being said.  Who would want to give that up?

So, how do you like my new lazy Christmas decorating method where you don’t take anything ordinary away but simply add some holiday stuff to the junk you already have lying around?  Whoa, Martha’s got nothing on me.  If you’re disagreeing with that, I can’t hear you.

Nothing says Peace quite like an alien giraffe.

Nothing says Peace quite like an alien giraffe.

28 thoughts on “Not Quite Right

  1. My husband and I always go to doctors’ appointments together. Oh, not the routine well checks, but the ones where the docs are looking for stuff and so your nerves are on edge and your mind is fuzzy.It is a perk of marriage; you have someone to help you listen and hear for you when your brain is spinning. That way, maybe one of us will actually remember what the doctor said. Also, if you can hear the ticking clock, you don’t need a hearing aid. Not yet, anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, for something like this normally W would come with me, but with his new hip and the snow and the long trek from the parking lot through the hospital and up and down stairs he would have seriously slowed me down. Ha, like I’m fast or something. But I agree it’s good to have another person there with less brain fog.
      The hearing test people said several months ago I would benefit from a hearing aid but I’m still not convinced. Need more people to nag at me and tell me I’m annoying I guess.


  2. Oh, the fact that you can hear the faucets and the dogs barking means you’re far from needing a hearing aid! I love your humorous outlook on mishearing things. It reminds me a little of the Saucepan Man from Enid Blyton’s The Faraway Tree books. I don’t know if you’ve ever read them, they were a childhood favourite. Maybe the doctor said ‘a few hours’ but fifty hours sounds intriguing. Best of luck with everything 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Omg, I could write a crazy long list of all the everyday sounds that get on my nerves. And some days are worse than others for being tuned in to everything going on around me. The worst is tuneless off key humming. I won’t mention any names. lol


  3. It has nothing to do with your hearing, people around you simply cannot speak clearly. Mumbling has become the new way to communicate because everyone is so used to talking with their hands in email/text form…at least this is what I have started to tell myself when I can’t quite make out a word or phrase.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! I’m convinced, nine out of ten people mumble all the time! Then there’s the ones who have accents of one sort or another. I have never been good with those, especially on the phone. We should invent a little monitor that hangs around our necks and prints what we are saying, like subtitles on a movie screen. 😄

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You’ll know when it’s right to check into those hearing aids. BTW, don’t listen for the ticktock of the clocks. Can’t be healthy for any of us. Nine out of ten doctors recommend songbirds instead.

    The Christmas decorations you have here, including the witch doctor and the big-eared giraffe, are more than plenty. Add the white snow falling on the screen of your blog and you’re all the way there. Maybe that witch doctor and giraffe could collaborate and figure out some magical way to share the giraffe’s keen sense of hearing with you. A Christmas gift with no deductibles or co-pay. It’s the least they can do to pay you back. After all, they have a prominent spot all year long, while the Santa necklace and other doodads are put into boxes in the basement fifty years of the week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! That’s awesome – reads like a delightful children’s Christmas story. Giraffe and Witch Doctor conspire to deliver a Christmas miracle. 😄
      I think the birdsong might drive me crazy too if it carried on too long. I guess I will just face the fact that I’m weird.


  5. Had to laugh reading your post! Love the unique decorating, especially the alien giraffe! That’s how I do decorating…just put some holiday things on top or over the regular stuff I have sitting around. Oh, I ‘hear’ you about hearing funny things other people say! 😉 Makes for some crazy conversations around here, when we both hear wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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