What the Monkeys are Really Saying


Judgemental little shits.

They sit on a shelf above my stove and one day just relayed these statements to me by mental telepathy, which is pretty amazing when you think about it, with me being the only one of us to have a functioning brain, as far as I know.

Meal prep was very challenging when my sister and her family were here.  They were a mix of vegan, gluten-free, no dairy, limited grains, no grain-fed meat and restricted sugar.  My sister shared all kinds of great recipes and ideas and now I’m making my own salad dressings and using honey and maple syrup instead of refined sugar.  I know it’s still sugar, but you can seriously cut the amount.

Then the next weekend when my family came for Thanksgiving it was just a breeze making stuff that everyone could safely consume.  Even though I cooked it.

Honestly, I do concoct edible things.  I don’t know why W and the monkeys are trying to mess with my culinary self-esteem. He is now very wary about what I’m up to in the kitchen and avoids as if it’s poisoned anything containing…..

1. Zucchini or other unidentifiable green things

2.  Gluten free flour or any of those expensive nut flours

3.  Nut butters which are not peanut

4. Vegetables which appear suspiciously turnip-like and often actually are turnips even though I suggest they might be parsnips, which doesn’t really help.

5.  Healthy alternatives.  He would prefer the unhealthy version, thank you very much.

Well all this is making me hungry for honey nut cheerios.  With skim milk, because that makes it perfectly okay.  Right monkeys?

I have something to say to you guys.  Please keep your opinion to yourself.  Turn around if you can’t look.  Don’t eat if it’s going to make you barf.  And leave me alone or I’m moving you all to the basement.

9 thoughts on “What the Monkeys are Really Saying

  1. yes. JLS indeed!!! funny as ever Lin 🙂 W and my J 2 of a like mind, I’m afraid. he detests the “twigs” ….they are HERBS Silly! less salt, you know. sigh. Great post, made me laugh, way too early in the morning 🙂 thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! I haven’t tried feeding W twigs, but that might be fun! Just getting him to accept quinoa as an actual thing was a challenge. How did their mothers ever get them to try something new??? lol. Another of life’s little mysteries.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think, they don’t like the Name. or if its ‘green’ maybe we could call quinoa something like BBQ “wheat-nots”. Would they, really ask what a wheatnot was? it Sounds like wheat. so they’d be happy. comfortable. still in their cozy zone. lol
        Thanks for making me laugh this morning!!


  2. I have to change my diet to be all those things you mentioned. It is challenging because I can eat the things I love. 😦 Maybe I can move in with you and you can feed me. I can’t even use salad dressing just plain extra virgin olive oil. ;-P

    Liked by 1 person

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