Looking Back and Going Forward

Sometimes I talk like I’m ancient and on deaths door. When I’m gone, before I die, life is short, time to downsize so my kids aren’t left with this colossal mess….stuff like that.  Pretty sure it’s annoying, and not a particularly healthy state of mind to be in for long stretches of time.  Especially considering I’m seventy, not a hundred and ten.

It no doubt comes from a lifetime of worrying about every possible disastrous outcome to even ordinary situations and scenarios.  Unusual ones just raise my anxiety level further.   I like to be ridiculously prepared for everything.  Not a fan of surprises, even if they’re pleasant.  I truly try to live in the moment, breathe deeply, let things go, calm my mind, count my blessings, be grateful for everything I have.  Most of the time I’m really good at that.

But I’m always working on limiting those doom and gloom moments.  One of the biggest reasons for neglecting my writing so much in the last three years or so – people died.  Every time I felt like sitting down to say some profound thing or other, someone much too young to leave this world did just that.  And I was struck dumb and numb, contemplating my own mortality and how fragile we all are, no matter where we are in our lives.  My wonderful father-in-law died in October.  He was 97.  We had a lovely visit with him a couple of weeks prior, and to me it felt like he was just kind of done with it all. Not sad or unhappy, just tired.  So his passing wasn’t unexpected.  Sad of course and he is missed, but I think he had a good life all in all.  It’s the untimely ones that leave me stunned.  They’re the tragedies.  And OMG you just never know!

See how easy that is?  We could all die tomorrow!

Also I have a lot of time on my hands to read the news.  I don’t recommend it actually.  A huge percentage of it is bad and less than truthful.  Misleading and hateful rhetoric is all the rage.  It’s hard not to get sucked in by it all.  But I’m not a fighter.  Passive aggressive for sure, but not a screamer fixing to bash your brains in.  Love and kindness always win in the end, don’t they?  We’re all doomed to hell if they don’t.

And that’s my pep talk for today!  Hope you found it enlightening.  Not totally surprised if you didn’t.  Be kind either way.

10 thoughts on “Looking Back and Going Forward

  1. So good to be back. Love the way you think.
    We are obsessed with the news here.
    Every day some more corruption pops up.
    Also, women and children being raped and murdered at a horrific rate.
    My Dad is the same. Tired and bored.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I found it so enlightening. I have really missed your words! You may think you sound a little morbid but I always find you so uplifting and invigorating. Also I do know what you mean about what you said about your father in law. I remember my grandmother was tired of living by the end of her life. She used to say ‘I’ve done my job I’ve bought up my kids I don’t want to be around anymore’. But then again she did lead quite a difficult adult life. Also I read somewhere that we are not actually supposed to read the news, and that bad news ought not to be reported. Controversial notion, and I don’t agree with it entirely, but there certainly is something to be said for the mental refreshment of not reading bad news all the time. I don’t think we were meant to live in a perpetual state of worry about the state of the world.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I too am 70, and become more and more aware of the fragility of life. Nobody gets out of here alive, so we must just live while we’re still alive. And yes, love and kindness win in the end. It’s all we have really.
    Alison

    Liked by 2 people

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