Before and After

A few hot days ago I took pictures in my backyard of bushes sadly in need of a trim.  I’m here to tell you my crazy slash-and-burn mad trimmer-from-hell of a husband would be very proud of me for making this valiant attempt at tree taming if he were here.  Although of course if he were here this would have been done a month ago and the trees would still be trying to recover.  He once trimmed a tree at our front door into oblivion.  All that remains is a decorative stump.

But enough yard history.  Today the heat is pleasant and bearable, so I ventured out amongst the squabbling magpies and got it done.

Before:

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After:
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Note the top of the fence for reference.

Before:
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After:
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Note the bottom of the kitchen window. Please do not note the dead grass. I’m not watering it, it’s only grass and it’s in the backyard and the magpies don’t care and neither do I.

I was hoping these picture would be more indicative of what a difference all my hard work filling TWO green bins with branches made.  I guess you will just have to take my word for it because I’m not sharing pics of my scratched up arms.  Now I will be spending the rest of the day brushing imaginary twigs and bugs off my body.

Happy 4th of July to all my American friends! I imagine your day has been slightly more interesting than mine because fireworks.  Yea!  Don’t set the grass on fire.

The Sixth Day of May

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Yesterday on our walk home from voting in the provincial election I took this really bad phone photo of a beautiful tree covered in white blossoms. What happened to those flowers? At least you can see how green everything is. Or was. I will get to that.

Then I look a VIDEO of some yellow and red tulips. You will have to trust me when I tell you they were lovely. But they just stood there doing nothing, so the video was boring and I deleted it. Stupid phone with its little buttons.

The election results last night were surprising, to say the least, but very, very gratifying for the gazillions of people who have voted ‘other than P.C.’ for years and years with no hope in hell of changing anything. And yeah, that would include me. The Conservatives did not even make official opposition, and the NDP party has a majority. We were so over due for a change. Let’s hope it’s a good one.

Well before Christmas last year W took his truck to a guy who does body work to have his rusted fenders and things worked on. Obviously I’m fuzzy on the details. What I do know is that he was told to take his time, keep it as long as he wanted, there was no hurry to get it done. Six months later we finally have the truck back and W can stop driving my car.

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This is our garage yesterday, with a big empty space on the left where the truck parks. W is out driving it somewhere. And there’s my car, barricaded behind many heavy things. It’s so wonderful to have it all to myself again.  What the hell??

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And this! THIS is this morning, taken from my kitchen window, because I’m not going out in THIS. It started snowing around midnight and hasn’t stopped. Yep, we often get snow in May. It will all be gone in a day or two, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. I wonder how those tulips are doing.

And W has gone off to his appointment to get the summer tires put on his truck.

Gawd I love this place.

In a Different Light

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It’s the same picture from yesterday, but this time with indoor light from the left instead of bright daylight from the right.

It makes a big difference! Maybe I’ll keep posting this same piece in different places for the rest of the week….in moonlight, fluorescent light, candlelight…..  No, don’t worry, I’m done.

Except to add that the candle colour matches the bathtub et.al.

There is a reason why you should look at paint samples on every wall of a room as well as at different times of the day and night before finally deciding on a colour.  As if I’ve ever done that.  But it sounds like a good idea, right?  Right.

Also, don’t paint in the dark.  What would you do without me?  I meant in dim light.  Because it will look surprisingly different in the morning.

 

 

All Stand Back I’m ‘Bout to Dance

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Yeah, not really.  Sorry to get you all excited for no reason.   It’s just that I’ve been watching many episodes of the tv show Suits on Netflix and the theme song is now solidly embedded in my brain.  The lyrics are great.  I think it’s all about working all your life for money, and more money, and never enough money.  And while you’re making all that money you never have time to enjoy all the things you’re making the money to enjoy.  This could be all wrong, but it’s a show about lawyers who deal with millions of dollars in suits while wearing suits, and I must think it’s good because I’m halfway through season three.

Anyway, good song for a Monday morning for all you people out there doing the greenback boogie.

 

Greenback Boogie by Ima Robot 

See the money wanna stay, for your meal

Get another piece of pie, for your wife

Everybody wanna know, how it feel

Everybody wanna see, what it’s like

Baby wanna be a queen, well alright

We all deserve the finer things, in this life … …

So working on a little job, in the night

It’s forty dollars an hour when I, see the light

The boss say you got a little time, and oh my

He’ll be working in a small box, till he die

Me, I gotta be free, all my life

I want a little cream cheese, in my pie
Alright…
Yeah! I’ll step back, while you go dance

The greenback boogie Mother f*ing boogie

Now I’m putting on a big wig, walking hard

Hanging with them big pigs, all them dogs

Got me a couple ideas, straight from God

I want a bean pie Order me a bean pie

I’ll even eat a bean pie, I don’t mind

Me and Missy is so very busy busy making money
Alright…

All step back, I’m ’bout to dance The greenback boogie

The greenback boogie Boogie now for me … … …

Say, it’s far better, when you give it away

It’s called the greenback boogie What people don’t say,

I say  It’s better, when you give it away It’s called the greenback boogie

Don’t give it away now, I say It’s better, when you give it away

It’s called the greenback boogie Don’t give it away now, I say

See the money wanna stay, for your meal

I’ll say it’s gonna put some love, in your life

Don’t you really wanna know, how it feel?

Everybody wanna see, what it’s like

Babe you wanna be inside, it ain’t lies

We all know there’s better things in this life

Yes I’ll step out, on your expense

Doin’ the greenback boogie Mother f*ing boogie

Boogie oogie oogie Greenback Boogie
Come on back to paradise Come on back to paradise Come on back to paradise Come on back to… Come on back to… Come on back to paradise Come on back to paradise Come on back to paradise Come on back to… Come on back to…

It’s the greenback boogie It’s the greenback boogie Don’t give it away now Don’t give it away now, I say
It’s better, when you greenback boogie Well don’t give it away Well don’t give it away, I say
It’s better… It’s the greenback boogie Don’t give it away…

What Happened Yesterday

Random art work unrelated to subject because the alternative was a photo of an actual human colon.  You're welcome.

Random art work unrelated to subject because the alternative was a photo of an actual human colon. You’re welcome.

It’s been a long morning for me, thanks to Lacie, the amazing alarm clock dog.  The neighbours next door let her out in the early morning to do her business and she barks her fool little head off at….I don’t know….snowflakes, fence posts, air.  I wonder why she can’t just go for a quiet pee like a normal dog and let me sleep.  But this morning was better than yesterday morning, so I have forgiven her.

Today is a good day because it’s Friday, it’s snowing, and I have nowhere to go!  And no gigantic four litre jug of vile laxative to consume!  I’m going to tell you my colonoscopy story, so if you’d like to skip on to whatever you were going to do next, now’s your chance.

For the three of you who have decided to stick around because you love old people medical stories, here we go.  I have a family history of bowel cancer, and a colonoscopy is something doctors have strongly advised me to have done to detect any potential problems.  The day before the procedure is spent cleaning out the colon, eating nothing, drinking clear fluids, feeling sorry for yourself and staying close to the bathroom.  Black coffee is allowed.  Thank God for small mercies.  For the last eight hours you can have nothing by mouth, not even water.

The first colonoscopy I had was done in 2003 and I was instructed to come back for another one in ten years.  But because of my superior procrastination skills, I was able to stretch that to twelve.  If the results are fine for this one, I may set a fifteen year goal for the next one.

The procedure was scheduled for 11:45 a.m. yesterday.  I like to be insanely early for things and W likes to be a minimum of five minutes late.  The morning started off with a dead battery in my car.  This was all my fault for not driving it enough.  And we could not take the truck because W was having way too much fun making a big production of recharging the battery and slicing a finger open in the process.  This required much swearing and a bandaid.  Then we took a long convoluted route to our destination, slowing down for green lights in the hope that they would turn red before we got to them.  There is no parking at the hospital.  Well, there is, but every parking lot is always full and we know this, but drive around through all of them just to make sure.  There’s lots of parking spaces at the mall nearby, because it’s better to inconvenience sick people than to piss off shoppers.

W dropped me off at admitting 80 minutes instead of the required 90 minutes ahead of time so that I could check in and fill out a form and sit on my ass for a bit thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong and wondering if he would make it back from wherever he finally managed to park.  I also thought a lot about food and being incredibly thirsty and how much my head was aching.  Eventually I was taken to a prep room where I signed a consent form and donned one of those beautiful back-open hospital gowns I’m so fond of.  The nurse told me to leave my socks on, because just the gown by itself isn’t funny enough.  Then they inserted the IV paraphernalia and told me to lie down and wait.  W had shown up and taken off and come back again while I studied the ceiling tiles.  He told me he went to the hospital cafeteria for soup and a sandwich.  I was going to say “I hate  you” but I didn’t because, although that is a perfectly acceptable thing to say when you’re in labour,  in this case I was faint from hunger and simply didn’t have the energy.

The procedure itself took about fifteen minutes.  The IV is for sedation.  They don’t like to give you too much because it’s a busy place and no one wants you hanging around too long afterwards waking up.  So I was sort of aware of what was going on.  Trust me when I say passing out completely would have been my preferred option.  I was then wheeled to a recovery area where I studied some different ceiling tiles until they removed the tubes and tape and let me get dressed.  Then the doctor popped by to tell me it all went well and although there were a couple of polyps discovered, he wasn’t anticipating they were anything to worry about.

Because you are not allowed to leave on your own, the nurse pointed across the room at W and asked me if that was my ride.  Normally this would not be a funny thing to say, but when you’re coming out of sedation all bets are off.  I imagined introducing him to strangers as “my ride” and thinking that was the most freaking hilarious thing I’d ever heard.  She quickly told me I was free to go.

On the way home “my ride” stopped at Swiss Chalet and watched me eat a huge plate of chicken and ribs and sweet potato fries, washed down with two cups of coffee and three glasses of water.  Then of course I felt sick, but also happy.  It’s hard to explain.

And here you thought nothing interesting or exciting ever happened in my life as a retired person who never starts her car.  I am so glad that today is another day exactly like that.  Even Lacie the yappy wonder dog can’t ruin it.