H is for Horoscope Haiku

Horoscope readings can be enigmatic, bewildering and about as clear as mud.  I know they’re generously peppered with words like possibly, likely, might and may, so that no matter how insane the prediction sounds as a whole, there’s always some little obscure bit of it that is close enough to the truth to make you wonder.  Or at the very least laugh and roll your eyes.

Whiteboard: A l33t haiku and somthing else.

Whiteboard: A l33t haiku and somthing else. (Photo credit: blue_j)

Haiku is a little like that too.  Although originally it wasn’t supposed to be funny. The poems were songs, prayers, and incantations to the gods, meant to celebrate an awareness of the moment, holding all things in reverence.  A haiku is a sort of meditation, conveying an image or a feeling.  Of course if you’re not Japanese you’ll have a harder time getting it right.  But you can still be happy with your “English Haiku” efforts simply by saying what you think and adhering to the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.   Never mind all that stuff about season words, two-part juxtapositional structure, and objective sensory imagery.  Really.  I did some research and ended up with a headache.

But not a severe enough one to stop me from mixing horoscope with haiku and coming up with some incredible poetry.  That’s what I’m calling it.  You may want to describe it some other way.

Cranky love partner,

it’s time to pick a path and

try to heal the rift.


When you are patient

on the upside or the down,

gaps become smaller.


Make him a sandwich.

Love will bloom if you never

let him get hungry.


Don’t just go along

ignoring your best talents.

Get off your fat ass.


Try to get along,

accept all the differences,

nobody’s perfect.


A blast of romance

will broaden your horizons

with far-reaching change.


Happiness backdrop

if you travel far away,

persevere my dear.


My horoscope didn’t use the exact words get off your fat ass.  I improvised on that phrase and a few others.  Think haiku horoscope will catch on?  Personally I’m kind of hoping this is a one time thing and we never see it again.

Change Happens

There are all kinds of ways to broaden your horizons. Travel, classes and mingling with entirely new people are just a few. Choose one now — or several, if you have the time — and keep expanding.

  • Compatibility: Gemini
  • Mood: Relaxed
  • Lucky Color: Peach
  • Lucky Number: 75
  • Lucky Time of Day: 7am     

Tsk tsk.  Never tell a woman who has had weight issues all her life to “keep expanding.”  I don’t know if I want even my horizons to broaden.  I’m trying to downsize everything in my life in an attempt to make things simple enough for my aging brain to cope with comfortably.  I mingle with entirely new people every day at work.  Even if I’ve seen them before and sold glasses to them they could appear to be entirely new to me when they come back in to pick up their order a week later.  So that part of the equation is a no brainer.  The more you forget, the more new things there are to discover.

Last week W was given notice at his job.  He is being terminated the end of March.  I don’t think he’s ever been “let go” before, so it was kind of a new experience for him.  He’s been retired from his government job for several years, and still gets all his benefits and superannuation and pension and all that stuff, and his current job was simply to keep him from going insane sitting at home all day.  The whole company is falling apart, and people are being given the boot daily, so it didn’t come as too much of a surprise.  He may look for something else, or he may not.  We’re going to rearrange our finances a bit and see what happens.  The last few years he’s spent up to five months at a time at his family’s camp, so this summer will be no different, except that even less people will care about the date on which he decides to finally come back home.  HAHA.  I’m only sort of joking.  He’s happiest when he’s there, and I don’t mind being on my own, so it’s a win/win situation.  I think he’s feeling kind of like he’s been set free.

Once again I had to put in a vacation request before the deadline of January 31st, so on that exact day with five hours to spare (why do things any sooner than absolutely necessary) I asked for March 24th to April 24th.  I had sixteen holiday days to claim.  I work four days a week.  So that makes four weeks of four days each which equals 16 paid days.  What they approved was 3 weeks of holidays, but the exact same dates, paying me five days a week and a personal day and the last week will be time off without pay.  That also equals 16 paid days.  With the same amount of time off.  So what the hell is the difference?  But nobody wanted to listen to my reasoning and have me actually believe that I was getting FOUR weeks of holidays.  Seriously.

I think I’ll go to Ontario at some point and visit my Gemini sister.  My mood will be relaxed.  Even if it happens to be during the time of my (GASP!!) week without pay.  I do not like the colour peach. I always want to tell it to be real yellow or real orange or just give it up altogether.

It will be interesting to see how life changes after March.  Maybe it won’t change at all.  Maybe it will be completely different and I’ll paint my entire house peach.  I’ll just have to keep checking my astrological forecasts for clues, since it hasn’t let me down yet.  If you have no clear expectations it’s hard to be disappointed.