Kidnapped

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Daily Prompt:  Captives Choice.  You’ve been kidnapped and given a choice:  would you rather be stranded on an island, dropped into an unknown forest, or locked in a strange building?

Well this just brings up a whole mess of questions, doesn’t it?  Who are my kidnappers, what do they want, and why in the world have they kidnapped me?   If they’re expecting to get some huge ransom in return for my safe release, they’re in for a big surprise.  Oh well, however misguided and ill-informed they are,  they seem like decent guys, giving me a choice about where I’m to be held and all.

If they’re leaving me to die, then an island should definitely be their first choice, because it’s my last of the three. Islands by definition are completely surrounded by water, so stranded is an understatement in my case.  Even with a boat and a life jacket I would probably be too afraid to venture off dry land on my own.  Swimming is totally out of the question.  I can feel myself drowning just thinking about it.

Is there any other kind of forest besides ‘unknown’?  I’m personally not familiar with any forests and can’t imagine getting to know one.  They are jam-packed with trees and underbrush and wild animals.  And probably bugs.  I wouldn’t fit in.  Mind you, if they dropped me from high enough, it wouldn’t matter, would it?

So, locked in a strange building it is, thank you very much. I hope by strange they mean unusual or weird and not just unfamiliar to me.  Exploring old buildings can be fun even under duress in unfortunate circumstances.  I think.  Like if it was haunted or something, that would add an unusual and exciting twist.  There might be closets to open and bureau drawers to go through and filing cabinets full of clues.  To what I must admit I have no clue, but who knows, I might be smart enough to recognize one if I came across it.  In a building there’s going to be indoor plumbing, or at least a far greater likelihood of it than the island and forest scenarios.  Have I ever mentioned how much I like my creature comforts?  Even if it’s only bare walls surrounding me it’s preferable to cowering in wide open spaces.  With animals and bugs.

Locks can be picked.  Doors can be broken down.  Windows can be broken.  Floor boards can be ripped up and hidden beneath.  Not that I’ve ever done any of those things, but I don’t imagine they’re that far beyond my capabilities.  I would give them a try.  And if I could break out of one building, perhaps there would be other buildings close by to escape to and break into, where I could set off fire alarms or borrow a phone, or scream a lot and beg for help.

If this locked building turns out to be in the middle of an unknown forest on a deserted island, well shit.  Now I have no idea what to do.  Except give my kidnappers supreme hell for being collossal idiots.  I certainly hope they come back for me so I can tell them that.

Ten Reasons Why Going Out For Coffee Tonight is Stupid

Coffee and Doughnut

Coffee and Doughnut (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  It’s dark outside.

2.  The roads are slippery.

3.  Coffee contains caffeine.

4.  I got off work at 5:00.  The coffee place is across from work.  It will be like driving back to WORK.  Gawd.

5.  Of the six people supposedly going, only one that I know of actually WANTS to be there.  That would be the inviter.  There appears to be a contest going on amongst the invitees to see who can come up with the best excuse to skip out.

6.  I NEVER win this kind of contest.

7.  There might be something good on tv.

8.  We could all end up with speeding tickets in our mad rush to get the hell back home.

9.  The Starbucks people will probably get seriously grouchy about having to brew a fresh pot of coffee at this bizarre time of day.

10.  W will ask me why I’m doing something I don’t want to do, and I will shrug and roll my eyes and not be able to come up with a sane answer.  I hate it when that happens.

What W actually wanted to know in this case was whether or not this person could make my life any more miserable than she already has if I don’t show up tonight.  Well I guess I’m about to find out, because I’m not going.

If you never hear from me again, it will not be because I drank a bad cup of coffee after 8:00 p.m.  So cross that one off your list of clues.