Tag Archives: confusion

One Crazy Little Chick

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When she heard that baby chicks could be hatched from incubated chicken eggs, it seemed like a simple enough procedure to find out if It was true.

Since her new winter boots always kept her feet nice and warm, she decided they would no doubt make perfectly excellent chicken hatchers.

She carefully snuck two eggs from the fridge, placed one in the snug toe of each boot, and promptly forgot about them for the duration of the long wait which came next.

She remembered well enough after she was asked to put her coat and boots on to go outside,  responding to the request by wailing and screaming at the top of her lungs about broken eggs and squished baby chickens and life being generally just dreadfully unfair.

Now, although she doesn’t know for sure if that was the first time her confused and exasperated mother threw up her hands and demanded to know what in the world was the matter with her, she can tell you with a great deal of certainty that it definitely wasn’t the last.

 

Five Sentence Fiction – Confusion

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Under the Wire

The clock is ticking down on this weekends Trifecta challenge – exactly 33 words written in first person narrative.  Ha – how simple should this be, since I do it here every day.  It is forever and always, ad infinitum, all about me, me and me.  And then a bit more about me.  The hard part of course is saying something worth saying in just 33 words.  That’s probably why they call it a challenge.

Happy Pills
Happy Pills (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I SO do not understand

All the unhappiness

In this crazy world. 

Honestly it confuses the hell right out of me! 

So, yeah, whatever.

Time to take my pill

And get a grip.

 

Trifecta!
Trifecta! (Photo credit: OctopusHat)

trifecta button

I’ve Got All the Answers

Pink Floyd in January 1968 Left to right: Maso...
Pink Floyd in January 1968 Left to right: Mason, Barrett, Gilmour (seated), Waters and Wright (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And I don’t really give a hoot if they’re right or wrong.  I had a hard day yesterday, on my own and busy for six hours straight without a break.  Boo hoo.  At least today there will be someone there to share the misery.  And then I work Sunday as well.  There is no rest for the weary.  Or the wicked.

List three things you’ll never understand.

1.  Buttermilk

2.  Quantum Physics

3.  Chinese

I do understand WHAT number one is,  just not WHY it’s allowed to happen. Or how people can drink it without gagging and retching and dropping dead.  The other two are strictly off the top of my head in random order.  There were way too many choices to warrant thinking any harder about all the things that confuse the hell out of me.

Describe the best view you’ve seen from a rooftop.

Another brain wracking moment while I try to remember the last time I was actually physically on a rooftop.  With my eyes open.  I think I was eight and had climbed out of an upstairs hallway window onto the veranda roof on my brother’s dare.  It wasn’t much of a slope or a great drop to the ground, but scared me silly anyway. The view would have been of the front lawn and the maple trees down the laneway and a field of corn under blue skies and sunshine.  I should have taken a picture.  But that would have involved letting go of the window frame with at least one hand.

What’s your favourite fried food indulgence? 

 W makes the best deep-fried ‘fish in batter’ on this planet.  I don’t ever want to learn his methods or his secret recipe because frankly it looks like a lot of work.  Especially the part where you have to catch fresh walleye first.  There’s nothing like it.  He can have (and truly deserves) all the glory.

What book is next on your ‘to read’ list? 

Odd Jobs, by Ben Lieberman.  It’s been so long since I downloaded it to my Kindle that all I can say about it at this point is that it’s one of those .99 cent specials and it’s a mystery.  In more ways than one.  If it’s great, you will be hearing more.

Name your favourite rock album of all time. 

Of ALL TIME?  I’m not going to live that long.  But anything by Pink Floyd and Queen will make the short list.

Describe your earliest memories. 

It’s difficult (maybe impossible) to know if some of the things you think you remember (from a time when you were probably too young to keep them in your head), may after all simply be images you’ve dreamed up from the stories you’ve been told.  So the memory may not be your own at all.  I’ll share one of mine anyway.

We were riding in a car on a narrow road with dense bush on either side.  Dad was driving and I was standing behind him, peering over his shoulder from the back seat.  Mom says I was not yet three.  A huge brown animal that looked sort of like a cow crossed the road in front of us and the car slowed down to a crawl to let him pass.  My mom and my grandma and whoever else was in the car were gasping and exclaiming and pointing.  “Look at the moose!  Look at the moose!”  A mile or so down the road when everyone had calmed down, I made my own observation, somewhat after the fact.  “My, that was a big mouse!”  It was astonishing to me that a tiny little mouse could grow up to be such a great size.  It was one of those moments when all the grown ups laugh and you have no idea what’s so funny.

Happy May Day

Isn’t it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fools Day and ends with cries of May Day!  (unknown)

Happy First Day of May!  It’s sunny right now, with a predicted high of 14 C!  (There’s also a little picture today of a rain cloud on my weather app, but I’m just going to ignore that.) No rain on May Day, come on.  Not nice to even think about it, weather people.

Whatever you do, don’t go saying May Day three times in a row in a distressed tone of voice over a VHF radio today.  Even if you preface it with the word Happy, chances are you’ll get a lot more attention than you were expecting for a May Day greeting.

Semantic Antics by Sol Steinmetz

This is SO my kind of handy dandy little word book.  I looked to see if mayday, or m’aidez (help me) was in it, but of course it’s not because the meaning hasn’t changed, just the spelling with the anglicization of a french phrase.

We do that a lot – mess with french phrases, or just use them as if they’re our own,  forgetting or ignoring where they came from.  Éclair, crêpe, apéritif, belle, faux pas, déjà vu,  joie de vivre, gauche,  liason, omelette, hors d’oeuvre, panache, armoire, au gratin, au jus, blasé, c’est la vie, poseur (poser), chauffeur, venue, rapport, cliché, ennui, escargot, sabotage, entrepreneur, motif, touché, voila!   See – you know a lot more french than you thought.

A word that is included in the Semantic Antics book is Mayhem, from Anglo-French maihem, and Old French mahaigne (physical injury).  It started off in the 1400’s meaning “the crime of intentionally crippling or disabling a person, as by blinding him, or cutting off a limb.”  In the 1700’s it was defined as “the violently depriving another of the use of such of his members as may render him less able in fighting.”  In the 1800’s it became “any violent behavior, especially physical assault.”  And now it’s been dumbed down completely to mean merely “rowdy disorder, confusion and chaos”  which can occur in any broadcast sporting event in the game itself,  or more likely in the pub or bar in which  it’s being watched, even though no limbs are actually lost.  As a general rule, anyway.  But all good rules have exceptions.

So, no maydays on May Day, no mayhem, no rain.  I think that’s got it covered for the don’ts.  Do get out there and enjoy the springtime or at least open up your windows and let in that fresh spring air.  Flip over your calendar with a bit of panache and some joie de vivre.  Belle May is one of the best months of the year.