Tag Archives: CT scan

Sharing My World 52

My Curly Girl calendar for March. March apparently is pink.
My Curly Girl calendar for March. March apparently is pink.

Hello, I’m back!  (It makes me laugh when I read that somewhere else if I didn’t notice the person was gone.)  So if you think that’s funny I won’t be offended. I don’t know how an entire week has slipped by.  Never mind an entire month. I didn’t have to search for what number my last world sharing was to get the title right on this one because there have been no posts in between.  Procrastination has its perks.

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 9

Have you done something you truly want to do today?

Yes I have.  I drove to the U of A Hospital for my CT scan which has been booked forever.  Sat in an uncomfortably hot waiting room for about an hour, part of that time beside an unhappy baby.  He didn’t scream the entire time, but sure gave it his best shot.  Had a nurse prod the insides of both my elbows (that’s what she called them – so much more descriptive than simply calling them arms) looking for a good place to hook up the I.V.  Got that all taped on, walked some more hallways and waited in a different chair.  Eventually got put on the CT machine, shot up with dye and x-rayed to death.  Did you know that when someone says don’t breathe and don’t swallow, those two things are exactly what you cannot possibly live another two seconds without doing?  And then it was done and I was unhooked and got a gigantic piece of gauze taped on and was pointed in the direction of the exit.  And WHAT I TRULY WANTED TO DO at that point was to go home.  So I did.

What can you help the world with?

It’s easy to believe you’re just one insignificant little person with no real impact on anything but that’s simply not true.  I try to conserve energy and reduce waste, recycle, donate to charities.  I vote.  Mostly I’m a nice person trying to be helpful, thoughtful and kind.  Except maybe for when I’m yelling at rude drivers – but lets just call that talking to Jesus.  Calling out his name anyway.  I don’t know if he’s listening so I’ll just forgive myself.

If life was ‘just a bowl of cherries’… which fruit other than a cherry would you be..?

Inky dark purple grapes.  The kind used to make Malbec wine.  I don’t know, that sounded more fun than being a boring old apple or a lumpy raspberry.

Quotes List: At least three of your favorite quotes?

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.  Albus Dumbledore.

Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.  Roald Dahl.

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.  Lemony Snicket.

What’s that guys name?  Soup Bottom Aladdin? My Grandson.

(Osama bin Laden – OMG.) (My Son.)

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

We had a nice visit over the weekend with the northern grandchildren.  Two have birthdays coming up in March and April.  Soon they will all be in double digits.  I’m grateful for good weather and mostly bare roads. The bump signs have me confused though.  We drove on a particularly rough stretch where two sets of big yellow and black bump warning signs were placed on the only two relatively smooth sections.  Is that some kind of highway humor?  I don’t get it.

I would like to say I’m looking forward to doing our income taxes but I’m only excited about getting it over with.  I have one more scheduled doctor appointment at the end of this month to follow-up on the CT scan and then  fingers crossed, I can forget about things like this for a while.

Because there is important artistic doodling and messing about to be done, and writing about it after the fact, and Malbec drinking and game playing and movie watching.  All things which probably are making the world a better place, right?  Just be nice and agree with me.  There.  How hard was that?

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This Different Me

sue fitzmaurice marjorie pay hinckley

Last night I slept for eleven hours.  It’s amazing what a good long sleep does for your outlook on life in general.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt like myself.  For one thing, I don’t want to write every day, even on days when there’s nothing of any consequence to write about.  Oh, hell, who am I kidding, that’s always been the norm here.  Now that I have something mildly interesting to talk about, I don’t feel like talking about it at all.  Apparently these days I prefer to sit down and stare off in to space with an empty head.  I suspect W is completely exasperated with me, because no matter how hard he tries I can always find a reason to be negative and bitchy.  I’m not so fond of this different me.  No doubt he isn’t either.

When I’m at work and some annoying person starts complaining about a random inconsequential minor stupid bit of nonsense (they’re all like that lately) I really would like to tell them to just please shut the F up.  I don’t care.  I’m sick.

My CT scan was done on the seventh of July, and now I have an appointment booked for August 11th at the University Hospital with an excellent doctor.

Surgical Oncology
Professor of Surgery
Divisional Director and Zone Section Head
Otolaryngology – Head and Neck Surgery

Does that not all sound excellent?  I’m sure I’m in excellent hands.  I should be feeling totally excellent.  Except that the ‘oncology’ word scares the living shit out of me.  He is also a plastic surgeon, so if half of my head has to be removed I’m sure he can build me something interesting to take its place.

The holiday that we’ve booked for two weeks with family in Ontario can go ahead as planned, leaving on the 26th of July and flying back on August 9th.  I have hours in the day when I completely forget about all of this.  What’s the point in worrying and imagining and dwelling on it, really.  I thought when I got to Day 16 of Jazzy and her happiness project and my life took this funny turn that I would have to put a hold on all her blather about happiness.  At least this different me realizes what a huge mistake that would have been.  I’ve had a couple of dark days but look, here I am.  I survived them.  I think life likes to hand you bad things you think you won’t be able to handle just to show you how strong you can be and that you can.

So until the middle of August, life is good.  We’ll have a fun holiday, a time to remember.  And perhaps after the middle of August life will still be good. Maybe it will just keep on getting better and better.  One way or another, life does go on.

See how weird this different me insists on being?  Seriously, stop it.  Okay.  I’m done.  Me too.

There’s not much more I can say on this topic anyway, since I didn’t ask any questions in the interests of ignorance being bliss.

Okay!  Has this bloggers block been broken?  Different me hopes it has.

Not Broken, Just Cracked

 

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Or a little bent, perhaps..  Maybe a LOT bent and cracked and scrambled and ready to shatter with one more shove.

So get out the glue.

A good life isn’t necessarily a big life, or a long life or even an “important” life.  Whatever it throws at me, I’m happy to be living mine.

Well, what a lot of blather that was.  I’m sure I could go on and on avoiding the point for much longer than this,  but here’s the reason I’m currently allowing myself to wallow a bit.

About six weeks ago I noticed some swelling just below my jaw on the left side of my face.  I thought it was a swollen gland.  I went on holidays and more or less ignored it.  Even convinced myself that it was going away.  Then I got more swelling up closer to my ear, and on the 12th of June went to see my doctor.  She suspected a blocked salivary gland, maybe even a stone, and told me to go home and suck lemons.  Really.  I love her.  She also gave me a lab requisition to book an ultrasound, but the lab told me this type of ultrasound is more specialized and has to be booked at a hospital.  I was eventually scheduled at a new clinic across from the University Hospital for June 24th.

I had the ultrasound done around one o’clock and then drove straight to work from there.  At four thirty my doctor’s office called to say they had the results back and my doctor would like to see me as soon as possible, could I come in tomorrow morning?  Yes I could.  And could I bring someone with  me?  What? Why?  Well, for support.  Dead silence while I tried to digest this.  Really?  Is it that bad?  I felt sorry for the person who had to make this phone call because they’re not supposed to tell you anything.  But sometimes by not telling you anything they tell you a lot more than you want to know.

I’ve already been through a very similar experience with my thyroid investigation, when I was called in to the doctor’s office very quickly to discuss the results.  That was over ten years ago.  I had to go for a needle biopsy after that.  Those results were fine, but because of some pre-cancerous growths I was given the option of having surgery to remove the unhealthy looking bits and ended up with practically all of my thyroid removed.

After this phone call I spent a restless evening (with the help of the internet) imagining every worst case scenario there is, and a few more after that.  I wore myself out.  So when I went in to talk to my doctor the next morning (on my own) and she told me the radiologist thinks this looks like it could be a cancerous lump, I was kind of numb to it all.  Yes, okay.  So what’s next?  Blood work and urinalysis, which I had done in the same building right away, and arranging for a CT scan to be scheduled.  There are two specialists she can refer me to when we have the results, depending on which one is able to see me first.

Then I went home.  And now we wait.

I phoned W and he says he will come home.  I know I must talk to my kids and my sisters, although I would prefer that they be oblivious to it all for as long as possible.  Worry is such a piece of crap thing, ruining your day with no good result because it doesn’t change a thing.

And it might be nothing.  IT MIGHT BE NOTHING.  I have no other symptoms.  I feel perfectly fine.  I admit I’m feeling rather sorry for myself and it feels therapeutic just to put it all into words for now.

But here’s some things that boost me up.  Maybe this is the glue I was talking about.  The morning of the 25th, (which was the day after what would have been my dads 100th birthday) when I got up to make coffee, there were three magnificent magpies strutting about in the backyard.  I have always considered magpies to be a very good omen.  They remind me of my mom and my family.  I haven’t seen any of these birds around here for weeks.  Just as I was leaving for the doctor’s office there were FIVE of them out there, on the lawn, on the garage, on the new fence.  Flapping and squawking and not flying away. They haven’t been back since, but they were there when I needed to see them.

I pulled out my type-written notes and re-read some of the things the psychic told me last July.  Things that didn’t really register at the time, but now seem to make perfect sense.  New female GP,  some problem with my neck,  June 2014, two specialists,  some sort of procedure, not life threatening, trust that you will be in very good hands, everything is going to go much better than anticipated.

Am I a superstitious fool to take great comfort in the appearance of some magpies and in these words?  I don’t care.  I do.

CT scan is now scheduled for the 7th of July.  That’s fast.  That’s good.  There are happy days to be grateful for in the meantime.