If I Were President……again……

….I would make it illegal for Plinky to keep rehashing and rewording and re-asking the same questions…..I couldn’t take this one seriously the first time around, and not too much has changed……

If I were president, I would be deeply concerned about how people would refer to my husband. “First Lady” would need some serious revision, and First Gentleman sounds a bit too flippant and jaunty for such an important position.

“First Man” is pretty much carved in stone for Adam or whatever the name of the first homo sapien may have been. First anything seems entirely too presumptuous.

I’m leaning towards “Good Lord” I think. I would have my own name legally changed to Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow just to confuse a few Turks, and once the tv announcers had rolled that one off their tongues, adding “…..and Good Lord W” would be quite a relief in comparison.

That way they would be allowed to say GOOD LORD and roll their eyes and actually get away with it, even in print where the eye rolling part would be the sole responsibility of the reader.

If I were president I would also get a different hair cut and buy more shoes. And does the White House really HAVE to be white? So many things to think about, it boggles the mind.

No-Fail Ways to Make Me Roll My Eyes

Speaking of eyes…..some day at work I fear my eyes are going to roll back into my head and disappear forever. I’m an optician and contact lens fitter and I look at eyes all day. I give advice and instructions and try to be a helpful problem solver. The job is not without its challenges and serious eye rolling moments.

There’s the guy who puts his new glasses on his face and immediately declares that he can’t see a damned thing. (Wow. Glasses that cause instant blindness.)

There’s the contact lens patient who wears her 2 week disposable contact lenses for 6 months and then complains that they’re dry and scratchy and making her eyes all red and irritated. Doh.

There’s the mother who insists her child get a pair of glasses that are much too big for him, because he will “grow into them”.

There are the customers (mostly women, but not always) who try on 300 pairs of glasses and insist that you and everyone else in the store state an opinion on each one. But they don’t actually listen to anything you say.

(I don’t like the green one on you. The color is all wrong. No, that green does nothing for you. I really hate what green does to your skin tone. Stop picking up that damned green frame please. IF YOU PUT THAT STUPID GREEN FRAME ON YOUR FACE ONE MORE TIME AND ASK ME WHAT I THINK I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.) Okay, well maybe that one went a little beyond the eye rolling stage.

Then there’s the people who are not happy with their own natural beautiful eye color and would like to be perceived as having two shiny blue glass marbles stuck in their heads where their eyeballs should be. (Ask me how great my colored contact lens sales are – the answer will make your eyes roll.)

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Weekend Writing Challenge: Sometimes We Argue

“Looks like we’re going to get some weather.”

“Well thanks for pointing that out.”

“What are you rolling your eyes for? There’s some nasty storm clouds brewing in the west.”

“Then maybe you should say nasty weather, instead of just weather, since we get weather every day.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“For the love of Gawd, it’s just a stupid phrase you made up that doesn’t even say anything significant. Throw some adjectives in there somewhere.”

“Just because you were an English major doesn’t mean you know everything.”

“Yeah it does.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“This is the stupidest argument we’ve ever had. And don’t even TRY to argue with that.”

“Close the windows, it’s starting to rain.”



“You should have been a weatherman.”

“What? I can’t hear you – it’s pouring.”

“NOTHING! Let’s just enjoy the weather before it goes away.”

“You’re rolling your eyes again.”

“I am not.”

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