How to Make Your Eyes Look Like Eyes

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Or like deep, daring, slightly hypnotic black holes in your face. Your choice.

I wonder what Revlon thought they looked like before she put all that shit on them?

I’m certainly not anti makeup, don’t get me wrong.  Artfully applied it can bring out your best features and play down whatever you think your flaws are.  When I first started experimenting with eyeliner and mascara, and yes that would have been in and around 1964 when this ad came out, I confidently believed a heavy hand and bold strokes were the way to go.  God forbid anyone should guess what I looked like with my face washed.

My mother was pretty tolerant although she did suggest that sometimes less is more.  Then apparently even she got used to my new face.  Once I came down to dinner with no make up on at all and she wondered if I was sick.

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Happy first day of Spring everyone.

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Art du Jour 73

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It’s been a long time since I’ve done a black and white charcoal face on brown paper, so I’m very happy with this result. Especially the hair. And the lopsided smile. And the fact that the eyes are not too big. I like doing eyes, so I tend to exaggerate them too much sometimes.

Practice, practice, practice. And then practice some more.

Originally I intended to incorporate this in to a collage, but I think she’s fine on her own.

And look at me, all organized and industrious and posting in the morning! It’s a beautiful one too, sunny and breezy and not yet hot. Perfect for whatever comes next.

Art du Jour 38

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I wonder if I should tell you how many times this portrait came close to being crumpled up and chucked.  Halfway done I began to dislike her intensely.

But today I scrubbed her eyes out and redid them not so wide set,  put her in a window and declared her finished.

Or maybe it’s me that’s finished.

I suppose being critical is a good thing and will make me better.

Happy Sunday!

Well, now it is.  Earlier I wasn’t so sure.  It’s not every day you scrub somebody’s eyes out.

Picture Yourself

lucy in the sky 001Lucy in the

Sky with

Diamonds

Picture yourself in a boat on a river
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green
Towering over your head
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes
And she’s gone

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high

Newspaper taxis appear on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds
And you’re gone

Picture yourself on a train in a station
With plasticine porters with looking-glass ties
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

This little nostalgic trip back to the 60’s is compliments of the Beatles and their biggest fan, Merbear,  at Knocked Over By A Feather for her Beatles Contest.  Thanks Mer!  Lately I’ve been on my own crazy little contest-entering trip.

And no, I was NOT high when I did the art work, but in case you feel like you are now, after staring at it for a while,  I would just like to point out that the orange background is an actual picture of a jar of marmalade. I sure hope Paul is impressed and didn’t miss that.

Close Your Eyes

My work life has been wrapped around eyeballs for twenty years. I’ve worked for eye surgeons and optometrists and have a dual opticians license (glasses and contact lenses.) Why anyone in their right mind in the normal world would want to sit down for a half hour reality show about that is hard to fathom.

But I think people might tune in to a show with an unusual name, so I’ve made a list of possibilities:

Perilous Optical Exploits of the Impoverished Unknown

Optical Delusions

The Naked Eye for the Single Guy

A Sight for Sore Eyes

Fix Your Eyes on This

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night

Adventures in Visual Acuity

The Perceptive Perspicacity of Percy’s Pupils

Depth Perception

Short Sighted Shockers

The Prehistoric Presbyope

I’m pretty sure it took longer to type this list than the show would last before being cancelled for lack of interest. Or perhaps even lack of notice in the first place, except maybe for some excessive eye rolling.

I like my life and what I do, but putting it out there and expecting other people to find it entertaining?? Not in the least realistic.

(Although a cartoon show about a kid named Percy who perceives perplexing peculiarities has its possibilities. For fun tongue twisters that make your eyes cross, if nothing else.)

No-Fail Ways to Make Me Roll My Eyes

Speaking of eyes…..some day at work I fear my eyes are going to roll back into my head and disappear forever. I’m an optician and contact lens fitter and I look at eyes all day. I give advice and instructions and try to be a helpful problem solver. The job is not without its challenges and serious eye rolling moments.

There’s the guy who puts his new glasses on his face and immediately declares that he can’t see a damned thing. (Wow. Glasses that cause instant blindness.)

There’s the contact lens patient who wears her 2 week disposable contact lenses for 6 months and then complains that they’re dry and scratchy and making her eyes all red and irritated. Doh.

There’s the mother who insists her child get a pair of glasses that are much too big for him, because he will “grow into them”.

There are the customers (mostly women, but not always) who try on 300 pairs of glasses and insist that you and everyone else in the store state an opinion on each one. But they don’t actually listen to anything you say.

(I don’t like the green one on you. The color is all wrong. No, that green does nothing for you. I really hate what green does to your skin tone. Stop picking up that damned green frame please. IF YOU PUT THAT STUPID GREEN FRAME ON YOUR FACE ONE MORE TIME AND ASK ME WHAT I THINK I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.) Okay, well maybe that one went a little beyond the eye rolling stage.

Then there’s the people who are not happy with their own natural beautiful eye color and would like to be perceived as having two shiny blue glass marbles stuck in their heads where their eyeballs should be. (Ask me how great my colored contact lens sales are – the answer will make your eyes roll.)

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