Tag Archives: food eating contest

Stupid Contests

Would you ever participate in a food eating contest? What kind? How much do you think you could eat?

Well this is one of the weirdest prompts ever. The only reason I’m answering it at all is because it will be my 198th answer and I would like to see “You’ve written 198 answers” under the “Your stats” heading. Then, for all you math impaired people out there, what that means is that I will have two more answers to go to reach the magic number of 200 answers written. One hundred was a mind-blowing accomplishment, so I expect double that to be doubly so. I’ve always suspected that I could blather away ad nauseam on any number of topics, and I think 200 posts is certainly proof positive that I was right about that, if nothing else.

And here’s another ‘stat’. Approximately one out of every 7 questions has actually been worth answering. That means I have made 28.1429 posts which have been vaguely interesting and worth reading since my relationship with Plinky began. You could go back and read them all and figure out which ones they are if you want. I can’t seem to drum up the motivation to do it.

So, let’s discuss this hypothetical contest. What kind, they want to know. Are there really different categories of competitive food eating? Like speed eating, the eating disorder challenge, the cheesecake tournament, the dog eat dog match of the century? And how much do I think I could eat? Oh, I don’t know. My weight in frozen yogurt maybe? I guess I could say any bizarre amount of anything since it’s supposed to be what I ‘think’ and therefore there can be no wrong answers.

But let’s be serious for a moment. The terms and conditions under which I would participate in a food eating contest are as follows:

1. I have not had any solid food for a week and I am starving. To death. To the point where dead bugs are starting to look tasty.

2. The prize for winning is a bazillion dollars and a dream home in the Galapagos.

3. The prize for participating is a million dollars and a beach front villa in Lemery Batangas.

4. The food is not hot dogs.

5. The event is not televised and my real identity is never revealed.

So, I guess what THAT means is – the answer is no.

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