Everybody Should Have One of These Things

Early this morning I drove over to the mall and had my hair cut.  Every time this happens I manage to have a mild anxiety attack, but this time I’ll spare you the details.  It’s hair.  It will grow.  I must enjoy this process, because I keep repeating it.  The salon I went to is right next to Chapters and Starbucks, so it’s no great surprise that I spent another hour there searching for ways to get rid of even more money.

I got stuck in the Self Help section looking at books which want to teach me how to be happy.  And happier. And smarter and richer and more successful and focused and content and gawd only knows what else – I never made it to the bottom shelf.  I actually hate the bottom shelf and think everything in there should be placed at eye level for people like me who don’t feel like bending over.  If there was a book down there with advice on how to get over being so damned lazy I didn’t see it.

There is a happiness quiz in one of the books I decided to bring home with me.  If I pass that with flying colors I suppose I won’t have to read the rest of it. And without any advice at all I managed to buy something that has already made me very happy for inexplicable reasons.

It’s a desktop gargoyle.  I have never had a gargoyle before and until this morning I had no idea that I needed one.  Having inch long spiked up hair no longer matters.  The little book that comes with it says he will protect me from evil spirits and act as a warning to potential evil-doers.  It suggests I should get ready for an exciting life alongside my new beloved fiery-eyed friend.

Even without his eyes lit up he’s pretty impressive.  Available at Chapters.  If there are any more demented shoppers like me out there, these will be gone before you know it.  So get out there and get one NOW.

Random Word Story

I like this kind of writing challenge – picking some random words and incorporating them into a story so that they don’t stand out in any odd-ball way.  Not as easy as it sounds, especially when the words at first appear to be completely unrelated to eachother.  I’ve used the Random Word Generator on www.creativitygames.net. and here’s what it gave me.

pocket, spit, nail varnish, telephone booth, gargoyle, stepsister

So here’s what you get.

Elise tucks some stray strands of her long red hair behind her ear and drives into the bright sunshine wearing the gargantuan sunglasses her stepsister Kate says make her look like some kind of giant bug.  She will never get a sunburn anywhere between her eyebrows and her cheekbones while she’s got them on, that’s for sure.  Her sensitive pale skin needs protecting from the sun, and so do her light blue eyes.  Sun damage and squint lines are probably completely foreign concepts to cute little dark haired Kate.         

The spa she’s headed for is very classy and modern, but it’s in a horrid old gothic buildling with two hideous gargoyle things hanging over the entranceway.  She zips her car into a cramped parking space off to the left of them where they won’t be staring at her with their ugly little faces.  She whips the car door open without paying attention, grabbing her bag, switching to her other glasses, shoving the keys into her pocket, clunking the passenger side door of the vehicle beside her.  What the hell, she shrugs.  Both cars are black, who’s going to notice if they’ve exchanged a bit of paint.  If there’s a scratch, a bit of spit and polish should take care of it.  She hopes.  She also decides not to look too closely at  it, or her own car door, because in situations such as this, ignorance is bliss.

Sitting high up on a vibrating chair with her feet in a tub of hot sudsy water is also pure bliss. She holds a magazine in her lap, but her eyes are closed and her head is tilted back on the rest and her mind empties of everything but the pressing matter of nail varnish color selection.  Purple?  One of those shocking vibrant reds, or maybe something weird like electric blue, or pineapple orange?  In the end she picks a boring coral, not too ostentatious, safe and ordinary.  It goes well with her safe and ordinary life and her boring personality she supposes.  The ugly stepsister color.  Maybe next time she’ll try one of those neon burgandy plum shades and her feet will look like theyr’e bruised and bleeding.  Right.  Maybe next time the gargoyles will fly off the buiding too.  

Elise is checking her messages on the way out when she hits a brick wall and her phone bounces out of her hands.  She bends down to retrieve it and notices that the brick wall is wearing tennis shoes, and his phone has gone flying too, and of course they bump heads and stagger backwards and appologize profusely to eachother.  Elise has backed herself into a phone booth she’s never noticed before.  My God, she thinks, do people still actually use those things?  This building is from the dark ages, with it’s gloomy foyer and narrow doorway where you can collide with some stranger who has obviously just had a massage because he’s got that faint red ring around his rather handsome face and hair that’s all messed up.  He holds the door for her and they head for their cars, which are parked side by side.  His has a small silvery dented scratch on the passenger side door and it sparkles in the sunshine.  She grabs her shades and shoves them on her face.  Messes around with her handbag and her keys and waits for him to leave first so that he won’t see her license plate number and report her for willful parking lot damage.  Never mind foyer head bonking.  

She is being paranoid and pathetic and Kate will laugh her ass off when she tells her about it.  And she’ll roll her eyes at the coral, no doubt about that.  Elise smiles to herself and starts her car.  The twin gargoyles stare distainfully into space as she drives away.