Tag Archives: gluten free

What the Monkeys are Really Saying

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OH MY GOD!  I CANT LOOK!  Gah, gag, BARF!

Judgemental little shits.

They sit on a shelf above my stove and one day just relayed these statements to me by mental telepathy, which is pretty amazing when you think about it, with me being the only one of us to have a functioning brain, as far as I know.

Meal prep was very challenging when my sister and her family were here.  They were a mix of vegan, gluten-free, no dairy, limited grains, no grain-fed meat and restricted sugar.  My sister shared all kinds of great recipes and ideas and now I’m making my own salad dressings and using honey and maple syrup instead of refined sugar.  I know it’s still sugar, but you can seriously cut the amount.

Then the next weekend when my family came for Thanksgiving it was just a breeze making stuff that everyone could safely consume.  Even though I cooked it.

Honestly, I do concoct edible things.  I don’t know why W and the monkeys are trying to mess with my culinary self-esteem. He is now very wary about what I’m up to in the kitchen and avoids as if it’s poisoned anything containing…..

1. Zucchini or other unidentifiable green things

2.  Gluten free flour or any of those expensive nut flours

3.  Nut butters which are not peanut

4. Vegetables which appear suspiciously turnip-like and often actually are turnips even though I suggest they might be parsnips, which doesn’t really help.

5.  Healthy alternatives.  He would prefer the unhealthy version, thank you very much.

Well all this is making me hungry for honey nut cheerios.  With skim milk, because that makes it perfectly okay.  Right monkeys?

I have something to say to you guys.  Please keep your opinion to yourself.  Turn around if you can’t look.  Don’t eat if it’s going to make you barf.  And leave me alone or I’m moving you all to the basement.

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Sharing My World 11

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My world sharing got put on hold for a while and I’m not sure what I missed, but no one has been beating down my door to find out, so I’m just going to carry on.

Share Your World 2014 Week 48.

What is your favorite toppings on pizza?

In my ongoing quest to cut things out of my diet, I have given up pizza crust.  The gluten-free pizza crusts are okay, but I have also been experimenting with burned cheese crusts.  So far I have been unsuccessful at actually burning them!  I know, I can’t believe it either.  I’ve also experimented with zucchini as a base, baked with pizza toppings.  Yes, my life is just one bizarre experiment after another.

I like a pizza that’s loaded with lots of stuff – pepperoni, mushrooms, black olives, onions, green peppers, fresh tomatoes, ham, bacon.  Double cheese.  I haven’t cut dairy out of my diet because if I find out I’m allergic to cheese I’ll cry.

I want to learn more about …

I used to think I’d be good at watercolor painting, but that was a delusion.  Everything I try is a disaster.  Best to stick with acrylics and develop my basic skills with that medium I guess.  Improving my drawing should also improve my painting.  This is a strange time in life to be finding myself in art, but now I  have the time to do it and I’m learning new things every day.

What are three places you’ve enjoyed visiting?

If it wasn’t for my sister I would probably never have gone anywhere interesting ever,  except to her house.  We went to Great Britain (England, Scotland and Wales) together, then with our spouses to Canada’s east coast (Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and Newfoundland), and this May to Greece (Athens, Santorini, Mykonos, Paros, Crete) with our sister-in-law, nephew and two nieces.  All wonderful trips, and I’m happy to have been to every one of those places.  However, when it comes to planning a trip on my own, or having a burning desire to go somewhere new, it’s not likely to happen.  I missed the travel gene, or bug, or whatever it is that a wandering gypsy has that I don’t.

Do you prefer eating the frosting of the cake or the cupcake first?

I would eat both of them together last, although I would prefer to be too full of other nutritious things to want to, and pass them up altogether.  Sweet things don’t tempt me, but anything salty is another story.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful for a quiet week of nothing much and looking forward to another one like it.  It’s hard to keep up with me, hey?   I don’t know how I ever learned anything interesting before we had Pinterest and YouTube, and I am grateful for a seemingly unending wealth of information about things I had no idea I needed to know in the first place.  There is Christmas shopping coming up soon (I am procrastinating because there’s nothing that has to be mailed) and Christmas cards to write.  And fudge to make because apparently W can’t have a proper Christmas without it.

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Coffee First

No matter what my plans (or lack thereof) are for any given day, I am basically a creature of habit.   My day starts with this lovely thought.
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And second, more coffee.  And guess what comes next?  Gargantuan coffee number three.  Well that’s how it went today, anyway.

That’s probably quite enough coffee for one day.  I’m just not my usual laid back  lazy self tonight.  Instead I think I might describe myself as zingy.  Zippy?  Zonked will come later.

I always make coffee in the morning and drink at least one over sized cup before work.  Then I get a large black coffee from McDonalds for the morning.  Then when a co-worker shows up and asks me if I’d like a coffee, I rarely say no.  That would be rude.  We don’t fool around with wimpy little cups either – these are the super sized jumbo heart palpitation  inducing servings guaranteed to make it pretty much impossible for your eyes to close.

By five o’clock today I was still wide awake and buzzed and not thinking clearly, which helps to explain why I bought a gluten-free pizza crust mix and some yeast and enough pepperoni to pave my driveway.

Yes, I made pizza!  On this no bread no wheat no gluten and not even a measly cracker food plan I made up for myself, the one thing I’ve really been missing is pizza.  W was skeptical because he fears everything gluten-less, but the crust was okay!  It was a lot like biscuit dough, but crunchy.  Really, if you put enough tomato sauce and pepperoni and melted cheese on  something it’s pretty hard for it to taste bad.  I also threw on some bits of onion and green pepper.  Because vegetables.

Do you hate it when somebody says because followed by one word?  Do you get why that’s so popular when it’s rarely a proper explanation for anything?

And while you’re answering that could you also please explain to me why I’m drinking another cup of coffee as we speak?  Don’t worry, this one is decaf.   Because GAWD.

Maybe I should have some wine to help me sleep……  There’s no gluten in wine.  But first……

Delicious

My least favourite apples to eat raw are the ones with the misnomer “Delicious”.  The same guy who named them also named Greenland.  It’s a trick.  W professes to like them, but we’ve had a bunch of them sitting in our fruit bowl for a long time although other types have come and gone.  They are always the last to get picked so I’m putting them out of their misery.  Time to use them up before they reach the throwing into the compost bin point of no return.

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Just look at how sun-shiny my kitchen is this morning!  I love this apple stabbing gut removing tool and eat a lot of apples because it is so much fun to use.  It does require some skill getting it to go straight through from the stem to the bottom.  Sometimes an apple will have to be double stabbed from the bottom up to get rid of the entire core.  Or maybe it’s just me who encounters this problem and can’t gut an apple in a straight line.

imageAfter the delightful gouging part comes the tedious peeling process, but not everything can be fun.  It always seems a shame to me to throw out all that fibre and all those nutrients but the time I made this and included the apple skins was not my proudest moment and less than a roaring success.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

imageWhew.  That’s a lot of slicing and dicing.  In my serious quest to go mostly gluten and sugar free I opted to sprinkle Truvia here instead of refined white sugar.  Please refrain from telling me that this stuff will kill me faster than sugar will, because I don’t care.

imageThis is my crumble mixture, consisting of soft butter, half a cup of rice flour, the last of the brown sugar in a shrivelled up bag that’s been in the cupboard forever, probably about a quarter cup, because I don’t think this crumbly topping would work without it.  And some gluten free steel cut oats.  I have no experience with steel cut anything, don’t know what it means or how it’s done, but the wheat free thing on the label totally sucked me in so that I bought them and have been wondering ever since what to do with the stupid stuff, besides make porridge which is pretty disgusting.  I’m a big fan of having baking supplies hanging around where I can see them and hoping they will guilt me in to actually making something.  So that worked, I guess. I didn’t measure it, but let’s guess about half a cup.  I also threw in some cinnamon.

imageHere we are all oven ready.  I hope these hard little oat nuggets soften up…..

imageThe oven does it’s magic for about 40 minutes at 350.  The top is browned and the fruit is soft.  And it smells good. W thinks it will be great with ice cream.  We don’t have any ice cream.  Living with me involves learning to live with disappointment.  And the steel cut oats have stubbornly resisted the cooking process and remain hard and crunchy.  I’ll just pretend I planned it that way.  The apples will still be delicious.  There are some things it’s hard to mess up.