See No Evil

On a shopping trip, you catch a glimpse of someone stealing. What do you do?

Some qualifiers here would be nice. Is it a child? Some senile old person? A teenager taking a dare? A businessman in an expensive suit? And what is this person making off with – a pack of gum – lip gloss – 3X control top pink panty hose – a duffel bag stuffed with DVD’s?

Doesn’t really matter. I know exactly what I’d do. Absolutely nothing. Except second guess myself and rationalize it all into oblivion. Not my problem, none of my business.

I work in a retail setting up close and personal with people who for all I know may be stealing the place blind. I reported suspicions about a co-worker once to loss prevention and he eventually lost his job. I was kind of glad that no charges were laid. The humiliation in his case seemed punishment enough. When it was all over I didn’t feel all that proud of myself.

I worked with someone else who was put under constant camera surveillance until there was no question about her guilt. She was a nice enough person to work with, but she had problems and issues I guess.

Those were both incredibly uncomfortable situations, and I felt bad for both of these people. And a little angry and a lot disappointed. But mostly confused about their respective motivations. But that’s really none of my business either.

And I guess if I wanted to be the one apprehending criminals I would have become a cop. Or a prosecutor or a judge. I’m also no behaviour therapist and I don’t feel like saving the world.

I don’t have it in me. I keep ME honest. I can sleep at night.

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Romantic Things

Ronny Cammareri: I love you.

Loretta Castorini: [slaps him twice] Snap out of it!


I dated some romantic men, guys who put a lot of thought and effort into sweeping me off my feet, but I sure as hell didn’t marry one of them.

The flowers and gifts, soppy poetry and grand gestures were lost on me. I always thought there must be some ulterior motive lurking under all that fuss and bother and for the most part I didn’t really trust any of it.

That kind of attention is nice, but it also makes me nervous. What made you do this? What do you want in return? If you did something or gave me something that I don’t really like or appreciate, how hard do you want me to pretend that it’s lovely?

Give me sweet honesty instead and someone who knows how to do all the little things that add up to prove his commitment. A guy who wouldn’t recognize a romantic act if it bit him in the ass. There are thousands of ways to tell me I am captivating and that you absolutely adore me.

Take out the garbage. Cook something. Change the oil in my car. Pick up Chinese food. Say thank you. Put up the Christmas lights all by yourself. Empty the dishwasher. Work in the yard. Hand over the damn remote once in a while.

Share your day with me. And when I share mine with you, please know that I don’t expect you to solve my problems for me; all you have to do is sit there and listen. And not nod off.

Be sympathetic when I’m sad. Laugh with me when things are funny. Ask me what I think and consider my advice. Share stuff with me. Let me help.

I can’t remember the last time W. actually said the words “I love you”. But there’s another three little words he says to me all the time with a charming and amorous smile.

“Whatever you want.”

Equally beautiful, straight from the heart, and it means the exact same thing.

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