Photo Shop 1960’s Version

imageEasy Step by Step Instructions

  1.  Enter a contest in which the prize is a trophy, and win first place.  (In this case it was a mandatory grade eight public speaking contest.  We picked a topic from a list, wrote a speech, memorized it and delivered it in front of an audience consisting of peers, judges, siblings, parents, teachers, unsuspecting friends and neighbours and people who wandered in from the street by mistake.)
  2. Bring the trophy home and pester members of your family until someone finally agrees to take a picture of you holding it, preferably on your front lawn with the engraved bit showing your name facing forward and yourself squinting into the sun.
  3. When the film is developed, be so dismayed by how the shadows make your face look like that of an angry gorilla that you feel like crying and burning it to destroy the evidence.  Wonder if you might actually look like that in real life.
  4. Decide that although in this photo you definitely look like hell you are still proud of your achievement and are not likely to have any other pictures of it to preserve for posterity.  Carefully tear the head off, although not carefully enough to save the cup and handles portion of the trophy.  Rip it up anyway and throw it away.
  5. Mount touched up photo in album and label it “Headless Public Speaking Contest Winner 1962”.

You might also want to prepare yourself for the following conversation.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s a picture of the trophy I won for public speaking in grade eight.”

“What happened to your head?”

“Shut up.”

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How To Amuse Yourself While Waiting

My November Day Eight
image
While waiting this morning at the lab for W to get his blood work done, I saw a poster like this one across the room. The small print was too far away to read, but what would I need to read it for? I am smart and can figure things like this out. Right?

P   Pull something.
A   Agonize over the possibility that you just pulled the wrong thing.
S   Stop pulling random things, you moron!
S   Start running.
Ha! Pretty close, hey?

If you are ever in a burning building with me you will be safe as long as you can run fast.  Beyond that I’m not making any promises.

It’s a rather gloomy overcast day with wet snow and rain and a biting wind.  Perfect for lighting a gingerbread candle and staying the hell indoors.

Hope you’re snug and warm and having a relaxing Sunday afternoon.

Adventures in Album Cover Creation

as much as i can stand

Hey, wanna buy an album cover? Yeah, just the cover. There’s nothing inside. When I come up with a band and some songs I’ll let you know.

This great idea comes from Edward Hotspur with step by step instructions on how to create just such a thing.  You’ll have to go there to find out how I did this, because I’m way too lazy to repeat it all.  Obviously he is good at doing this and explaining things, because even I got it.

So give it a try!  It’s fun!  Maybe there’s a market for this!  Maybe not!  Whew.  Enough excitement for one morning.