Tag Archives: mail

Digest This, SoCS 1

The rules for this prompt were made for me!  It’s how I write 99% of the time – no plan, very little editing, and stop whenever you feel like it!  So here you go.

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Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “digest.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

My grandma, bless her heart and all the memories she left us with, was a big fan of the Readers Digest magazine.  She subscribed to it for years and years.  It was a great way for someone with a short attention span to learn a little bit about a lot of things. I liked the reader submitted “jokes” even though most of the time they weren’t even remotely funny.  When grandma was in her late eighties she was still getting renewal notices from the magazine and decided it was time to sit down and write them a letter.  She asked them if they thought a woman of her age should still be getting magazines in the mail and would renew or not renew her subscription in accordance with their opinion on the matter.

The reason we know the contents of her letter is because she gave it to mom to mail, and mom thought she’d better open it up and check what grandma was telling them, just in case.  You had to know grandma to appreciate the wisdom of this decision.

I don’t remember what happened next exactly, although I do recall thinking the readers digest people weren’t likely to agree that she was indeed too old to be giving them her money.

Is Readers Digest still around?  I could submit this for their “Life’s Life That” category of unfunny jokes.  Probably too many words though.  They were always such sticklers for brevity.

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A Walk Around the Block

 

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When Canada Post ended home delivery and advised us that our new mailboxes would be situated a mere four or five houses away, out the window went my plans to use fetching the mail as my new fitness plan. The boxes being so close also made it very hard to justify complaining bitterly about the inconvenience. However, I devised a new plan to head off in the wrong direction and go all the way around the block, thus giving me some much needed exercise and another reason to be annoyed.

The first two days of the new mail delivery system I took the car. Yes I did. Not specifically to get the mail, but I was out doing other things and it seemed foolish to drive by the mailboxes without stopping. The next day I walked directly to the mailboxes and back. It took less than five minutes.

Today I did the around the block thing. I braved kids on bikes and random pedestrians and oncoming traffic and probably blisters. I should check. Maybe I won’t be able to go the distance again tomorrow.

No, I’m fine. Damn.

This is not even the most fun I’ve had all day, believe it or not. I spent a couple of hours this morning amassing loot and filling my storage containers and watching my troops die in Clash of Clans. I cannot explain why this is fun, it just is. I especially like the wizards in their little blue hoodies.

Anyway, it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and my pictures are proof that I was out there! What bliss if my life never gets any more complicated than this.

Sharing My World 33

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SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2015 WEEK #33

What are some words that just make you smile?

Hi grandma!  (Those never fail to put a smile on my face.)  However, there are more, but they’re less popular;  skullduggery, skedaddle, brouhaha, mollycoddle, doozy, lollygag, shenanigans, bumbershoot, malarkey, kerfuffle, gonzo, humdinger, fuddy-duddy and gobbledygook.  I also like namby-pamby, but I’m not sure how to use it in everyday conversation.

You’re given $500,000 dollars tax free (any currency), what do you spend it on?

I have everything I need and more.  So I would like to get rid of something.  My debt.  And the debt of my children.  The reason we are all in debt is because we want for nothing.  Except for the cash to pay off everything we owe.  Half a million dollars would be very helpful.  I thought once we had our vehicles and mortgages and credit cards all paid up we would be debt free, but our line of credit does not want to go quietly into the night.  There’s always something.

What subject would you like to study in depth, if given the time to do so?

Zen.  Although I expect it would just give me a headache.  I have a little book of Zen sayings.  In the introduction Zen is described as “spiritual, uncluttered, calm, mystical, enigmatic – all at the same time.  It might be easier to describe the sound of one hand clapping.”  Many of the parables, haiku and quotes are simply beautiful.  And many confuse the living hell out of me.  Which is probably not a very Zen thing to admit.

Would your rather be stuck in a small plane with bad turbulence for 2 hours or be a passenger in a car racing the Daytona 500?

Seriously, if those are my two choices, just shoot me now.  Small planes bouncing around in high winds have a way of reminding you how fragile life really is.  And racing around in circles at ridiculous speeds is just dumb. That being said, I will admit I admire the people who are good at it.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I am grateful for getting to see my grandchildren, at home and away in the last 2 – 3 weeks.  They are all growing older and growing up.  Although their parents may think it’s a slow process, I know better.  I am grateful for a new (some might say time-wasting) game that my son and two grandsons play and now I’m hooked on it too.  Thanks guys.  Of the four games I play religiously, at least one of the old ones must go.  Perhaps two.  My sanity is at risk.  And don’t tell me it’s too late.

The break from blogging has been good, although it wasn’t planned and just happened, and then kept on happening for much longer than any normal kind of break should.  I am a creature of habit, both good and bad.  If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I must be almost there. And feeling like I have nothing but time to do whatever I want is almost as dumb as car racing.

Well all that didn’t sound very grateful.  No worries, I am getting back on a schedule.  Home delivery has ended here and I am walking to the new post boxes daily to get the mail.  Two days now, and no mail yet, but the walks are good.  I will get back to doing my art because now I have a mission!  I have a purpose!  Someone actually asked me for something!

Enough of the gobbledygook and lollygagging, it’s time to skedaddle and make some sense of the kerfuffle in the art room and create a doozy of a humdinger!  Or I could maybe take a break and play my games…..

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Write A Letter

Cin’s Feb Challenge Day 11:  Write a letter to a friend and mail it.

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All my life I’ve been a writer of letters – the old-fashioned, real-pen-on-real-paper kind that nobody bothers with much anymore.  I have saved random letters written to me, and written by me, and written by old dead relatives, (but don’t worry, they were still alive when they wrote them.)  My sister saved some of the letters I wrote to her when we lived in the NWT, and then she bundled them up and sent them all back to me years later.  I read them and hardly recognized myself.

Now I think it’s time to voluntarily retire myself from this practice partly because it’s becoming a lost art, but mostly because I tend to say some pretty crazy things off the top of my head.  There is no back spacing or cutting and pasting or spell checking with ink on paper.  It’s so much easier to dash off heavily revised e-mails to people and then hope they have the sense to delete them once they’re read.

Way back in the 1950’s and 60’s we were not only taught penmanship, but also proper letter writing skills in school.  I often think it would be nice if kids today learned better e-mailing and chat board and texting skills.  Including things like spelling and grammar and proof reading.  And checking to see what strange things have been auto-corrected before they hit send.

I still remember some of our great lessons in communication back in the day.  You just don’t see stuff like this anymore:

Dear Alice, How are you? I am fine.  What are you up to these days?  Nothing much is going on here…..

and so on, until one or the other of you dies from boredom.

A post card would always be some variation of these sentiments:

Dear Alice, greetings from Timbuktu, having a great time, wish you were here. 

With a lot of exclamation marks.  Never mind if you don’t really mean any of it, the important thing is to be polite and vague.

Okay, it is possible that I missed a few classes.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been watching “The Good Wife” on Netflix and if I’ve learned anything at all from this series it’s that things you are foolish enough to write down on paper can be taken out of context and used against you in a court of law, and that important pieces of police reports are always going mysteriously missing.  The same thing happens with letters.  If you make a statement on one page and explain it on the next, you had better hope that second page stays with the first.  Or future generations will be questioning your intelligence and/or sanity.

The picture above is of the pages of a letter I wrote to my sister from Cambridge Bay in January of 1976.  It states quite clearly that I have stopped wearing my wedding ring because I am thinking of having an affair.

See, you can say shit like that to your sister and she will get the joke and maybe even think it’s funny.  Because she knows you are living in a climate so dark and cold that the only reason you leave your house is for groceries and even then you think long and hard about it.  She knows you have an incredibly active little 17 month old daughter who wears you right out.  And most importantly she knows that you are eight months pregnant and therefore not in your right mind. The next page goes on to explain about puffiness and swelling in my hands and feet and having to grease my fingers to pry the ring off before it cut off my circulation.  No one looks good with a blue ring finger.

But what if that second page got lost?  Oh well, I did say I was only thinking about it.  It’s not likely that I’d send out announcements if it actually happened.

The only other vaguely interesting thing I wrote in that letter was that my daughter liked to wander into the baby’s room, grab hold of the bars on the crib and screech at the top of her lungs while shaking it as hard as she could.  I should have put a stop to this behaviour before her brother was born, but I didn’t.  So if he reads this letter he will know that my daughter and I are responsible for his disrupted sleep patterns if he has any.

See the kind of trouble you can get yourself into?  So I will not be writing a letter to a friend today or quite possibly ever again.  The notes and lists I scribble and leave all over the place will be enough to keep any hoarder descendants I might have deep in thought for a long time.

Or they could just have a big bonfire.  That would also be fine.

Santa Got Mail

There’s been a few days go missing in my December book of days, but now that the excitement has died down and the kids are off to new adventures I’m feeling like I just might make it to the end of 2012 after all.

I don’t know why Santa didn’t pick up his mail – perhaps his sleigh was loaded down with cookies by the time he got here.  It’s okay, I’ll be saving this delightful card for him for another time.

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It’s a good idea to get the to/from business out of the way right off the bat, and follow that up with pictures so there’s no confusion as to who’s who.  And of course compliments are always nice.

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Maybe there’s no point in telling him what you want until you’re sure he’s totally on board with the fact that you’ve been Good.  And a big toothy smile can’t hurt.

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday, and that you got to spend time with the people you love.

A Letter From Rimbey

English: Blindman River, near Rimbey, Alberta
English: Blindman River, near Rimbey, Alberta (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rimbey, Alberta, June 12, 1936

Dear Margaret,

I received your letter on Tuesday and was certainly glad to get it.  Its the first one for over a month and it does me good.  We only get mail delivery twice a week here.  If I’d stayed in Nanton I would have got it some time sooner.  It was a dandy too – everything in it was interesting.  Well I’ll try to go on from where I left off last time.

We finished our job on the Thursday at noon the day you got my letter and we just bummed around town for the rest of the day and part of Friday, then we decided to come up here.  We got to Calgary as you’ll know by the card I expect you received.  We fooled around there looking at the city until about eleven o’clock, then pulled out to the top of a hill to sleep.  We didn’t get up till the sun was high up in the sky next morning, and then got going again.  We arrived here Saturday evening about five o’clock.

On the way we saw a good many fields of stooked grain that had never been thrashed.  The hail had shelled it so badly it wasn’t worth thrashing.  That’s the kind of country this is, very undependable.  I’ve been driving six and eight horses at a time – it’s quite nice for a change.  I feel as if I’m doing something.A field of stooked grain

As I said before, we arrived here on a Saturday.  Well I sowed grain on the following Sunday and ploughed with six horses on Monday and several days hence.  Oh!  I mustn’t forget to tell you I was given a government job shortly after I reached Alberta.  I was on the road surveying and cutting brush for a few days.  Isn’t that getting up in the world, working for the government?

I was ploughing about two and a half miles from here today and a thunderstorm came up without much warning.  I turned toward the old barn and just got there in time for the hail and rain started to come and did it come!  The hail was no ordinary size either.  I couldn’t get the horses to go around to the side of the barn where the door was because the storm was blowing so hard.  They just stayed in shelter beside the barn.  Of course I had to stay and watch them, and got sort of damp.

There was supposed to be a dance in Bluffton tonight and I suppose we would have gone only the rain made the roads so muddy.  You see they don’t gravel the roads in the pioneer district and they certainly get greasy with very little rain.  The soil is mostly clay.

I guess by the time this reaches Ontario you’ll be home so I’ll address it to Turners.  How was our Blanche when you last saw her?  I guess I’d better write to her, I do so enjoy her letters and I guess that’s the only way of getting one.  That certainly is interesting about the colt and the calves, that’s what I’d call real news.  It’s much better than a lot of idle gossip.

I hope you’ll forgive me kid, something tragic happened to that letter you sent and I only had a chance to read it once.  The boss’s wife says she noticed an envelope in the sweeping but thought it one of her old letters, so it went into the stove.  I guess that’s what happened.  I remember you saying you didn’t want to go out and not enjoy yourself.  That’s swell of you because I feel the same way myself.  I’ve also met a lot of people, of course some very nice girls too, but they’ll have to go some distance yet to come up near the mark of a little girl I know in the east.

We’ve almost decided to go to the coast in July for the jubilee there.  What do you think of that?  Then when harvest is over we can go back home if we don’t land a job here or something.  I think it will be much nicer travelling in July than late in November.  There ought to be more to see while the jubilee is on.  I’ll try to take a swim in the Pacific Ocean.  Won’t that be something.  Of course I’ll send you some cards from Victoria and Vancouver.

King George-VI
King George-VI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I asked Harold if he could think of any news.  He said King George died and King Eddie is now on the throne.  He says to threaten you that he might write to you sometime.  Well kid, my brain is beginning to go hooey again.  I know you’ll be thinking I’ve neglected to write but I couldn’t get it away any sooner anyway, so I guess you’ll just have to wait.  You can keep sending my mail to Nanton because I’ll likely be going back there before long.  I’ll be looking for a letter before long kid, so I’ll be signing off.  I wish I could think of more to write to the best girl in the world, but seeing it’s impossible –

I’ll be thinking of my darling until I hear from her,

with love,

Your Hank.

Onion Predictions

(sample front page of The Onion news)

This has been an incredibly long, long, drawn out day…..But it’s the first day of February so I am not complaining.  Any day that isn’t in January has got to be a better day than the ones that ARE in January.  Just because.

It’s the first day of a bunch of new rules at work, one of which is that attendance at meetings is compulsory for every department.  This morning was my turn to show up.  Not because I am lucky and get to go first, but because I was the only one in our division on the work schedule at meeting time.  Supposedly.  I did not attend.  It was either over and done with before I arrived, or was held 45 minutes after I arrived and nobody told me.  I asked two people and got two different answers so I stopped asking because three inquiries about something you don’t care about in the first place is just overkill.

Too bad – I had fully intended to take notes – had a pad and paper all ready to go.  I decided the night before to be a self appointed statistician and keep an accurate tally of such things as how many people managed to stay conscious for the alotted time period.  I was actually hoping to include myself in the final count.

Mid morning our manager called in sick, so I had to stay late until the doctor had seen all her patients.  There were too many booked to leave one optician on her own, but after nine hours of work I don’t know how helpful I was being.  Then I had to go and pick up some groceries so that we won’t starve to death over night.  Also had to take the garbage and recycling to the curb.  Bring in the mail.  Put something in the oven.  Put the groceries away.  Sit down and blather away about my day.  All important stuff.  Of course W comes home after everything is done. He has some kind of built in radar that let’s him know when it’s safe to show up.

I have a link to the Onion under Blogroll here on my homepage – I don’t like real news much, but I get a kick out of the fake made up stuff it seems.  Every so often they have “news stories” that are hilariously ridiculous.  They also have a horoscope page – because what great newspaper doesn’t have one of those.  The following are the Taurus predictions for January.  Reading them late probably won’t change my life.

Conflicts at work and at home are cleared up instantly this week when you decide that all women are basically just crazy bitches.

Your fear of pubic speaking won’t be helped by your habit of saying things that make large groups of people want to attack you.

You have yet to find a love worthy of your unique affections and depth of spirit. You should strongly consider getting a goldfish.

You’ll need to find new solutions to the same old problems this week, mostly because you’re really building up quite a tolerance to alcohol.

Most accidents occur at home, so stay safe this week by living on the streets of a distant city.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-31-2012,27223/

Next up on my agenda – go to bed with every intention of reading pages and pages of my current book on kindle.

What will actually happen – passed out in under five minutes.  Now there’s a prediction that’s bang on.