Move It Move It

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Last week I made a valiant (and somewhat misguided) attempt to turn my basement upside down.  It’s looking pretty upside down to me now whenever I walk through it to get to the laundry room, so I guess you could say my efforts ended in success.  But knowing the details might make you rethink that conclusion.

I’ve been reluctant to tell this story because it makes me look like an idiot.  So I’ll just tell you right up front I have other excuses.  I’m old, for one thing.  Officially now, because the government said so.  They will be sending me money at the end of this month to remove all doubt.  Old people do some weird shit, and it’s not because they’re intrinsically stupid or anything, it’s mostly because they forget that there are things they’re simply not physically capable of getting away with anymore.

Here’s the background.  Don’t worry, it’s short.  Our television set is ancient and my son offered to wall mount his previous flat screen TV (they have a new and improved model) in our family room and hook it up for us, thus getting us back into the current century as far as home entertainment goes.

He can do this only if we move the monstrosity of a wall unit/entertainment center piece-of-crap furniture (which looks like a prop from that 70’s show) away from the wall where the new TV will go.  He suggested we throw it out.  But I’ve made silly promises to myself about things like that, so I can’t do it.  Besides, I must have somewhere to store our thousands of VHS tapes and DVD’s.  And other assorted crap which has no other home.  Sigh.

He also said moving it was part of the deal, and in no way or at any time did he suggest I should move it on my own.  He also didn’t give me strict orders not to, perhaps because it didn’t occur to him that I might try.   But I’ve been moving furniture around by myself all my life. Often up and down stairs.  I know how to empty things completely and remove drawers and take things apart until they’re manageable.  The trick is to take it slow.  Do it a bit at a time.  Preferably not in your bare feet.  That’s experience talking, right there.

The first thing to come off the wall unit was the TV which I slid carefully on to a sturdy end table kind of thing with a top surface at almost the same height.  So that was easy.  It did involve some unplugging of things but I was able to get everything reconnected and working again, so if W comes home in July to a still completely messed up basement, at least he won’t go off the deep end about having no TV.

A couch, two chairs and a coffee table are now stacked high with wall unit contents.  This includes two heavy drawers full of heavy things.  I am saving going through all this for another rainy day when I’m wearing shoes and have stocked up on garbage bags. Or when  I’m organizing a colossal garage sale.  I haven’t decided.   I could have stopped here, of course, and waited to move this thing across the room, but I had already moved other smaller things into the toy room to clear a big space and the sliding thing had gone so well.  I decided to slide the top half of the wall unit on to two end tables placed at either end.  This was trickier because of its length and having to go back and forth inching it off evenly a bit at a time.  Then the bottom half was easy to slide across the carpet to the new location.  I should have stopped at this point too.  But now I was cocky and confident enough to move the top half across the room by moving each end table a foot or so at a time.  The tops got very scratched up in the process, but they were already in need of a good sanding down.  Or a good throwing out.  Another project for another day.

With the top half in front of the bottom half, all that remains is to WAIT FOR ANOTHER PERSON to lift up one end while I lift the other and set it gently back where it belongs.  That’s how things are sitting right now as we speak.  However, there’s another little episode to relate here in which I briefly believed I was superwoman and could lift this huge thing on my own.  It didn’t end well, except for the part where I didn’t die.  It toppled over and fell face first on the carpet.  On the way down, one of the little glass doors opened (did I mention those stupid glass doors?)  Well, to make a long story slightly shorter, one of them made it to the garbage bin intact, but the other one went there in a gazillion pieces.  A lot of it got sucked up by the vacuum cleaner.

The good news is, the carpet has probably never been so well vacuumed in years.  And I’m WAY smarter than I was before.  Plus alive.   And we will never again have to wipe dirty finger prints off those two pieces of glass.  Not that I remember ever doing that, but still.  I’m trying to feel like slightly less of a moron by looking on the bright side.

Yesterday I wanted to change some things around in the bedroom because I’m tired of where the computer is and I wondered if moving it somewhere else would inspire me to sit down at it more often to write.  I stood in the middle of the room for a very long time considering the possibilities.  The feeling passed, and I didn’t move one damned thing.

Older and wiser!  At last, that could be me.

Fall Is In The Air Too Soon

Shorter days, cooler nights, freezing-my-butt-off mornings because I refuse to close the windows until it’s officially September – all indications that another summer is slowly but surely biting the dust.

September

September (Photo credit: Helgi Halldórsson/Freddi)

Since summer hours are ending, we have been advised of a work schedule change starting next month.  It is just plain weird and gives me all over the place shifts and long tedious mega days in a row interspersed with three and four-day weekends.  Yep.  No one asked me for my input.  But I believe in karma and that the instigator will eventually end up in hell, so it’s all good.

For several days I’ve been moving furniture around, preparing for the delivery of a new bed, which arrives this afternoon.  They promised.  I confirmed.  They will haul it in and set it up.  Good thing, because both my arms are broken.  Last night I moved the present bed to its new location, leaving a big empty space in my bedroom, and myself with the dilemma of where to go for the night.  It’s a big people-empty house with a lot of choices.  I went all the way across the hall.  So much for an adventurous spirit.  I can’t believe how much noisier it is over there where the window faces the street.  And how not firm the mattress is.  And how much brighter it is in the morning facing north-east.  There’s more than one reason why we give that bedroom to guests I guess.

Anyway, W – if you’re reading this – Surprise!  It’s pretty much a done deal and there’s nothing you can do about it now.  Don’t go off and leave me unsupervised for long stretches of time if you expect everything to remain the same.

As if anything stays the same forever.  I’m going to have to see a doctor about my carpel tunnel soon I think.  All this moving stuff about hasn’t done the condition any favors and now my right hand goes tingley and numb more often than I’d like.  Never would be a better option for this symptom.  It’s gone from annoying to just this side of worrisome.  So of course I’m trying to ignore it until the time comes when I drop something really important and breakable.

There are other things happening that are too new to talk about yet.  Some days I feel like one of those Joe Palooka punching dolls that gets knocked around and keeps bobbing back up for more.  This too shall pass.  The strong shall survive.  And probably complete wimps like me will too.

JOE PALOOKA

In the meantime, life goes on, and we all pretend we’re normal.  The sun is still shining, the grass is still green.  I have brand new sheets for my brand new bed, in a color called “toast”.  Frankly I would never eat a piece of toast if it was that color, but for sheets it’s okay.  The lights will be off anyway so it doesn’t matter.

Okay!  Nothing much left to do until the exciting DELIVERY and nowhere to go until it happens.  I’m off to enjoy the last holy Thursday of this disappearing month.