Tag Archives: Oilers

The News

What section of the news do you read first? What sections could you care less about?

The section of the newspaper that I read first (because it’s usually in big bold type and hard to ignore) is the front page headline.

Tsk tsk, plinky. Asking me what I could care less about is actually asking me what I do care about, because if I could care less it means that I already care to some extent. If what you really wanted to know is what I COULDN’T care less about, no matter how hard I tried, it would be pretty much the whole rest of the paper.

Except maybe for the comic strips, but often they’re so buried in such strange and hard to find places that it’s hardly worth the effort. And sometimes I pick up the sports section to see how they’ve re-worded the fact that the Oilers are still pathetic losers. Also I hate all the advertising and all the pictures of houses and cars for sale. Okay, let’s face it. I don’t even remember what else is in there, it’s been so long since I read one.

Normally I don’t see the paper at all, because W gets to it first and reads it from beginning to end and mixes up all the sections and throws them into the ‘paper basket’ in a huge unholy mess. I never feel the urge to sort that out. If he’s away I put a vacation stop on receiving the news. If I get to the paper first I take out the fifty pounds of glossy flyers and throw them into the paper recycle bag. And then throw the remaining bits of the paper (all sections neatly in order!) on his footrest so he can read them from beginning to end and sort them into a huge unholy mess. Tomorrow we will repeat this whole process in the same order, or some variation of it.

So, are you sorry you asked me yet? I could go on for a bit about the black newsprint finger marks on the inside of our front door, or how sometimes the paper comes in a skinny orange plastic bag if the weather is dismal. Or how it’s very useful for starting fires and lining the compost bin.

But perhaps you COULDN’T care less about that. So I won’t.

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The City of Edmonton

To answer this prompt (what my home town is known for) I’m going to borrow the city I live closest to (the capital city of Alberta) because it actually IS known for something. From 1981 to 2004, Edmonton boasted the largest mall in the world, West Edmonton Mall.

When people from out of province come to visit I will go there with them, but otherwise I avoid it, unless it’s to visit the Apple store or Build-a-Bear. It’s big (obviously) and crowded, and a good half hour drive from here. Apparently there are people on the west side of the city who use the mall all winter long as a free indoor walking gym. Going from one end of it to the other on two levels would certainly give you a decent work out.

There’s an old saying here – “If you can’t find it at West Ed, you don’t need it.” Well, it’s local humor, what can I say.

I’ve heard this city described as both beautiful and ugly. I don’t really have an opinion either way, although ‘beautiful city’ to me is an oxymoron. I think the best you can hope for is functional and clean, as far as big cities go.

We’ve also got the Oilers and the Eskimos and used to have ‘Welcome to Edmonton, City of Champions” signs, but since there was not enough room to add in “no longer” or “former” right before the word champions, I think they’ve taken those down.

Of course there’s hundreds of other things here that I’m not mentioning, mostly because I don’t care and suspect that you don’t either. There’s a great long page all about the place on Wikipedia if you are totally dying to know more, but I can’t imagine why you would want to unless you’re planning a trip here. And I can hardly fathom why you would do that either. Ha! Good thing I don’t work for the department of Tourism.

Seriously, it’s a lovely city full of lovely people. Clean and functional. Mostly the people are clean and functional as well. If you ever drive through, be sure to look me up. But don’t make me go to the mall with you. I’ll be totally whiny and ruin your day.

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