Ten Things That Are True In My Universe

Upside down

Upside down (Photo credit: Gemma Bou)

The things on this list are not to be mistaken for those scary Universal Truths people are always going on about.  I would never be that presumptuous.  Well actually I would but then this list would be considerably less credible.  So it’s strictly stuff that is constant in my subjective reality.  Believe it if you dare.

1.  When W calls me from the island, he is sitting on the deck, looking out over the water, and downing copious amounts of rum.  I know this is true, because it’s exactly what he tells me.  Every time.  It’s of course possible that this is how he spends his entire day, with or without making a phone call.

2.  Everyone I know and everyone I meet just wants deep down to be GOOD.  At something, with something, for something.  They want to be good to someone, or do something good for the world.  Some are better at this than others.  Some will end up good at being bad, or good for nothing.  But GOOD nonetheless.

3.  No matter how hard you work or how hard you try, some lunatic manager/boss type person is always going to ask you to try harder, to be more, to do more and to get better. (And thus make him/her look better in the process.) Resist the urge to choke this nutcase and don’t make excuses;  just smile and nod and promise you will.  It’s not really a lie if you don’t mention “when” you’re going to get around to it.

4.  The harder it is to learn something, the longer you’ll remember it.  Because you sure as hell don’t want to go through THAT again.

5.  You’ll never fully appreciate what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.  And even then you’ll rationalize it to death.

6.  Nothing is ever as simple as it first appears.  If it looks complex from the get go, you’re in big trouble.

7.  People tend to hate what they don’t understand, and fear what they hate, and then they can’t understand why they’re so afraid.  And hateful.  And bloody confused.  Ignorance is not bliss, it’s hell.

8.  Love can hurt, but it’s always worth the pain.  As long as you get to be the one inflicting it at some point, it will all even out in the end.  No one gets out of being in love unscathed.  Just like no one gets out of life alive.

9.  Upside down and downside up are the very same thing.

10.  Because it’s in the last place it was left, you will always find what you lost in the last place you look.  And if you never find it, it’s because you gave up before you got to that last place.  Or some idiot destroyed it.  One or the other.

I’ve finished reading Joe Golem and the Drowning City, by Mike Mignola and Christopher Golden, and it was everything promised on the back cover and more.  Steampunk turns out to be a genre I quite like.  Except maybe don’t read it while you’re eating.

No-Fail Ways to Make Me Roll My Eyes

Speaking of eyes…..some day at work I fear my eyes are going to roll back into my head and disappear forever. I’m an optician and contact lens fitter and I look at eyes all day. I give advice and instructions and try to be a helpful problem solver. The job is not without its challenges and serious eye rolling moments.

There’s the guy who puts his new glasses on his face and immediately declares that he can’t see a damned thing. (Wow. Glasses that cause instant blindness.)

There’s the contact lens patient who wears her 2 week disposable contact lenses for 6 months and then complains that they’re dry and scratchy and making her eyes all red and irritated. Doh.

There’s the mother who insists her child get a pair of glasses that are much too big for him, because he will “grow into them”.

There are the customers (mostly women, but not always) who try on 300 pairs of glasses and insist that you and everyone else in the store state an opinion on each one. But they don’t actually listen to anything you say.

(I don’t like the green one on you. The color is all wrong. No, that green does nothing for you. I really hate what green does to your skin tone. Stop picking up that damned green frame please. IF YOU PUT THAT STUPID GREEN FRAME ON YOUR FACE ONE MORE TIME AND ASK ME WHAT I THINK I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.) Okay, well maybe that one went a little beyond the eye rolling stage.

Then there’s the people who are not happy with their own natural beautiful eye color and would like to be perceived as having two shiny blue glass marbles stuck in their heads where their eyeballs should be. (Ask me how great my colored contact lens sales are – the answer will make your eyes roll.)

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