Tag Archives: oxymoron

Easter Sunday Morning

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Happy Easter, Happy Sunday,  Happy Spring.  It’s raining here.  Don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see the rain.

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So Long 2013

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.  I thought it would be nice to include this random Facebook page picture of me to go along with it.  Because the stats are as weird as I am.  I got almost 800 hits on a post about my furnace.  Sorry to disappoint everyone, but I’m never writing about that again.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 29,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 11 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Oxymoron Poem

I used to love this silly poem when dad would recite it to us.  He loved poetry and he loved nonsense.  So it was a perfect fit.

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Hobos and Tramps!

Cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants!

Admission is free, please pay at the door.

Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

I stand here beside you to sit down behind you

To tell you all something I know nothing about.

One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced one another,

Drew their swords and shot eachother, .

A blind man came to see fair play,

A dumb man came to shout hurray!

A mute onlooker shrieked in fright

And a lame man danced at the ghastly sight.

A deaf policeman heard the noise

And came to arrest the two dead boys.

A paralysed donkey passing by

Kicked them all and made them fly.

Knocked them through a nine inch wall

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

If you don’t believe this lie is true

Ask the blind man.  He saw it too.

(There are other versions, but this is the one I remember.)

Reality Show

“Reality Show” is an oxymoron. Sounds like it should be unscripted drama by ordinary people. The truth is, most of these shows are set in exotic locations where the people are placed in abnormal situations. They are persuaded to act in specific ways. Scenarios, events, conflicts and challenges are carefully chosen for them. People tend to act more emotional and crazy than they normally might, just to get extra camera time. Many of them are humiliated. Then the whole thing is selectively edited to make an entertaining story for the tv audience. How REAL is that when it’s all said and done?

Even for the makeover shows there has to be something completely pathetic about your appearance or your life situation or your home to qualify. Is my wardrobe deplorable enough to get me a spot on “What Not to Wear”? Is my house so dilapidated or my decorating skills so crappy and godawful that “Trading Spaces” might consider me for an episode or two?

Well I hope the answers are no to both of those questions, but who knows. Hopefully I am never in the position where I care to find out. I’ve got no marketable tv talent and very little desire to participate in some glorified soap opera.

I’m living my own reality, and trust me, it’s not bizarre enough to be on tv.

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The City of Edmonton

To answer this prompt (what my home town is known for) I’m going to borrow the city I live closest to (the capital city of Alberta) because it actually IS known for something. From 1981 to 2004, Edmonton boasted the largest mall in the world, West Edmonton Mall.

When people from out of province come to visit I will go there with them, but otherwise I avoid it, unless it’s to visit the Apple store or Build-a-Bear. It’s big (obviously) and crowded, and a good half hour drive from here. Apparently there are people on the west side of the city who use the mall all winter long as a free indoor walking gym. Going from one end of it to the other on two levels would certainly give you a decent work out.

There’s an old saying here – “If you can’t find it at West Ed, you don’t need it.” Well, it’s local humor, what can I say.

I’ve heard this city described as both beautiful and ugly. I don’t really have an opinion either way, although ‘beautiful city’ to me is an oxymoron. I think the best you can hope for is functional and clean, as far as big cities go.

We’ve also got the Oilers and the Eskimos and used to have ‘Welcome to Edmonton, City of Champions” signs, but since there was not enough room to add in “no longer” or “former” right before the word champions, I think they’ve taken those down.

Of course there’s hundreds of other things here that I’m not mentioning, mostly because I don’t care and suspect that you don’t either. There’s a great long page all about the place on Wikipedia if you are totally dying to know more, but I can’t imagine why you would want to unless you’re planning a trip here. And I can hardly fathom why you would do that either. Ha! Good thing I don’t work for the department of Tourism.

Seriously, it’s a lovely city full of lovely people. Clean and functional. Mostly the people are clean and functional as well. If you ever drive through, be sure to look me up. But don’t make me go to the mall with you. I’ll be totally whiny and ruin your day.

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