Slow Down You Move Too Fast


Tuesdays at work wear me out.  We have a doctor seeing patients and I’m there until 8 p.m.  Then I come home and sit at the end of the couch where there is a stupid lamp with such a thick shade that the light hardly comes through it and that’s where I stare like a zombie at my I-Pad for a couple of hours.  That little bit of light is very relaxing, and because of it I can say I’m not sitting alone in the dark.

Because I’m not.  There’s my I-Pad.  I catch up on Words With Friends and e-mails and Facebook and check out that there’s nothing new on Netflix and as a last resort play some Candy Crush.  I drink decaf coffee. I read my current e-book. I am a barrel of fun.

Wednesdays when I’m off work, I always think I’m going to get a zillion things done, because, hey, it’s a whole day, and I’m off.  So I sleep in late, mess around doing nothing for the entire morning (because seriously, I have the WHOLE DAY), do a repeat of Tuesday night with electronic time wasters, drink my smoothie, consume a lot of coffee, wonder what I should make for dinner….  Suddenly it’s evening.  There are three days of work ahead of me, laundry becomes a priority, there’s no time for those projects I’ve been putting off until my day off.  I am lazy and I like to procrastinate, and I excel at relaxing.  You’re supposed to do whatever you’re really good at, right?

Yesterday, like most Thursdays, I worked early and got off at five. There are a lot of hectic people out there running around getting things done in a huge hurry with places to go and people to see and deadlines to meet and WHY IS THAT?  Our contact lens student is one of them.  She got her glasses dispensing licence, went straight into the contact lens course, accepted the position of teaching the glasses course at the same time, is getting married, buying a new house, looking after her son from a previous relationship and her future husbands son from his previous relationship, constantly doing nice things (like baking) for other people, and now she has accepted the position of manager at another store (the store is a ridiculously busy one and she has no managerial experience) and she will start that before any of all the other stuff is finished.  She is twenty-six.  And probably insane.

Someone asked me if I didn’t remember being young and ambitious and I had to admit I’ve never been that ambitious in my entire life.  I want to tell her to slow down, don’t be so impatient, stop being so hard on yourself, get some sleep.  I’m afraid she’s going to burn out before she’s thirty.  And wonder where her life went.

And now it’s Friday and another full day looming, filled with trying to sell stuff to justify my pay cheque.  I’m tired.  And I haven’t even done anything, comparatively speaking.  But I’m not twenty-six either.  I drummed up enough energy to go and get my hair cut last night.  That was pretty exhausting, sitting there listening to another twenty something pink haired girl tell me about her social life.

Yeah.  I’m old and boring.  And ready to pack in this working for a living crap and actually get on with living and doing whatever I want.  And whatever that is, I want to do it very, very slowly.  Because now I know life rushes by while we’re busy thinking about all the things we have to do to get to a place where we can do something else.

And now I have to rush off to work so I can get that over with and then I’ll be able to come home and NOT work.  We’re all running around in circles.  Sit down and let people lap you.  It’s okay.  That’s really all I’m saying.

Holiday Shopping

Do you get an early start or do you procrastinate?

Of course I procrastinate! Why should holiday shopping make me act any differently from every other time of the year?

I am procrastinating right now. It is day one of three days off and one day before the weekend and the 9th of December! The absolute perfect day to get my ass out the door and into some stores and get the whole process on the road and over and done with and finished and out of the way.

However. I dither. Another cup of coffee sounds too good to skip. I need to use my magic bullet that I bought last night to replace my ancient blender. I actually went in search of a new coffee maker but the one I was looking at (for a ridiculous amount of money) actually grinds the beans for you, making me wonder what you do if you don’t want to use beans and you want to use coffee that’s already ground, THEN what do you do, hey?? And there was no one around to ask although I probably wouldn’t have asked anyone anyway, and then I found the little water filters for the coffee maker I have now that I’ve been looking for all over the place and can never find. So I bought two of those and some paper coffee filters because my permanent filter is starting to rip at the top, so it’s not a huge deal or anything but still. And I didn’t see another permanent one that looked to be the right size, and the paper ones were recycled paper and compostible so there was no big guilt trip about the environment to face. I like that there’s no carafe on the coffee maker I have now and that it dispenses a cup at a time and I don’t know if I want to go back to having a coffee pot, and I wonder if the thermal ones are as good as people say and REALLY, why am I standing here wasting all this time pondering the benefits of a coffee pot when I could live without a new one for some time yet and it has nothing at all to do with getting my Christmas shopping done?

So to make a long story short (and yes, I’m aware that it’s way too late for that) I bought a magic bullet because I didn’t have to think so hard about that purchase and decided to go home and make a list and an action plan for a day of shopping tomorrow, which is now today, and there’s still no list or plan made but come on. It’s my day off. Do I really have to DO stuff? It’s not like Christmas is tomorrow. Sheesh. Maybe I’ll do the Christmas cards today. Then when I go out to post them I’ll shop.

Forget all that. I’m going out today. With or without a list. Do not try to stop me. I will come back and report on my progress. And if you don’t hear from me again, it’s quite possibly because there has been no discernible progress on which to report. But you’re not on my list, so there’s no reason for you to panic or get all worried about it. Calm down. I’ll get it done. I always do. Just under the wire, just before the deadline, with seconds to spare.

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Teach What You Know

If you were a professor, what subject would you teach?

Dalliance 101: Mastering the Fine Art of Procrastination

This course is offered to all first year students and is once again open to all returning students who failed to complete it the first time around.

Please note that this is not yet an accredited course, due in part to the fact that no final marks have yet been issued, and indeed have not yet been determined for any of the previous participants.

Class materials will include any unfinished projects of any nature, but submission is not mandatory; last semester’s uncompleted works in progress are still available for study, and have proven themselves to be invaluable in the process of perfecting various techniques in such areas as dabbling, dawdling, indecisiveness and puttering. The great debate on the merits of shilly shallying vs. dilly dallying will continue, unless other random stalling topics should arise. If time permits – fumbling, faltering, lingering, loafing and time frittering will be touched upon, along with brief forays into the fascinating realms of hemming and hawing, and the almighty pursuit of serious down time.

Extra credit will be given to those students who demonstrate perpetual tardiness, and bonus marks are awarded to students who do not show up at all.

Textbooks for this course are optional and completely up to the discretion of the individual pupil as we truly believe that it is

(Editor’s Note: We regret that a full course description was not available at time of publication; class times, days, and locations will be announced at a future, as yet unspecified, date.)

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