Mulligans

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Mulligan is that great golf term, used when a shot is not counted against the score.  It is permitted in unofficial play to a player whose previous shot was poor.  Like a do-over.

Well I would like a Mulligan of my last two days off.  There is so much nothing to do, two days just isn’t long enough to do it all.  I have accomplished as little as humanly possible without actually forgetting to breathe.  And thus procrastination has been taken to a whole new level, because I don’t even know what things I should be doing that I am so determinedly avoiding.

There was some vague plan in my head to play so much Candy Crush that I would get sick of it and stop for a while. So far, this has not worked.

I played around on an Instagram app and made these two collaborative pictures.

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I drank a lot of coffee.  I did some grocery shopping.  I read some books. I slept late and went to bed early.  I read every single inspirational thing on Facebook.  And some things that were not at all stimulating or helpful or moving but I read them anyway.  Because they were there.

Eventually I sat down and wrote this post about it all.  I don’t know about you, but I am now completely worn out and done reliving it and ready for bed.  Never mind the Mulligan – I would probably do the same non-things all over again anyway.

I have the expertise, if anyone needs guidance on whiling away time and goofing off.  If you forget to call, I’ll understand.

Of Madmen and Poets

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This lover sincerely thanks all the mad men, wise men and lucid poets of the world for their various talents and areas of expertise.

From a procrastination point of view, these last couple of days have been wildly successful.  I can’t think of one thing I’ve accomplished that’s worth talking about.  My house has been cleaned, but I didn’t contribute to that except for writing a cheque.  W has arrived back home after closing up and winterizing everything on the island.  Notice how I left well before any of that had to be done.

Although it’s been only a couple of days, I am sadly missing a former co-worker who was a ray of sunshine in an otherwise often dull and cloudy workplace.  Maybe I’ll start marking big X’s on my calendar to count off the days I have left.  You know how prisoners keep track of their confinement time.

Or I could snap out of this lethargic state.  There’s an idea.  Already W is wanting his grocery and to-do lists and I had forgotten how nice it is to have someone else around to do all that tedious stuff.  It’s crisp and cold outside and therefore time to start burning some candles inside and basking in their warm glow.  The flames make a nice sparkly reflection on a wine glass.  I’m going to add “case of red wine” to the grocery list and see what happens.

And one day soon all these bazillions of books I’ve been reading could stand some one-sentence reviews.  Man my life is hard.  I don’t know how I keep up.

Anyway, Cheers everybody!  Let’s all be lovers, and have a fantastic weekend.

Supper Sunset Series 03

Supper Sunset Series 03 (Photo credit: smilla4)

The Way It Seems To Me

Qualia

Qualia (Photo credit: RalphJB)

Prompts for the Promptless:  Qualia (single form, quale) is a term that refers to the individual, conscious, subjective elements of experiences. Examples of qualia are the pain of a headache, the taste of wine, or the perceived redness of an evening sky.  In other words, qualia refers to “the way things seem to us”.

I’ve been procrastinating and avoiding this subject because I like to think I’m perfectly normal.  Who isn’t reluctant to admit the possibility of some sort of inner weirdness.  But I suppose if I never admit it, I’ll never know if there are other people out there who experience the same thing.  I have made vague references to it in conversations, or given out random hints, but the reaction is always confusion and skepticism, and then we just talk about the weather.

I’ve already admitted elsewhere that I think of spider webs when I spritz my perfume.  My honey yogurt soap to me smells exactly like the beach, although when I’m at the beach I never think of that particular soap.  Large bodies of water make me want to stop breathing.  I have to remind myself to inhale and exhale and stay calm and think about something else. My moods are associated with colors.  When I’m happy I’m yellow.  Green is super charged.  Pink is perfectly lazy.

All of that is curious enough I suppose, but there’s something else I’ve felt several times in my life.  I will tell you about one of my quale experiences, and then you can look all confused and skeptical and go check out the weather channel.

At some kind of Christmas party or dance (I don’t remember exactly what it was)  many years ago, W and I were saying goodnight to my brother-in-law and his wife when I was suddenly hit by a thunder-clap of doom.  There was no noise, but it was deafening.  I was knocked off my feet, but I didn’t fall over.  The feeling was black and overpowering, like a severe electric shock with no physical pain. It lasted only seconds and then it was gone.   I hugged my brother-in-law a little too hard, and held on to him a little too long, knowing that something really bad was going to happen to him, although I couldn’t have said what that might be.  I remember telling him I’d see him again because those felt like magic words to ward off some terrible disaster.  He laughed and said of course we’d see each other again, we were all going to be at his parents house the next day.I've had a migraine/headache for 6 days straig...

I felt like crying, and sat in stunned silence on the drive home, thinking they might be involved in a car crash, or their house would burn to the ground, or they’d be abducted by aliens.  I also thought that quite possibly I’d had way too much to drink and was being completely ridiculous.  But I did tell W about my bad feeling, almost like a premonition, that something awful was going to happen to his brother.  Then I reminded him of that a few months later when his brothers headaches had become unbearable, and he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Now here’s the strangest part, if that’s not strange enough for you.  When we got the phone call with this sad news, I felt almost euphoric.  That was the bad thing that was going to happen, but it wasn’t that bad after all.  The surgery would go well, and he would be fine.  I knew this.  I kept saying, amidst all the worry and the sadness, he’s going to be okay.  And he was, for a lot of years after that.

This was not the first or last time for me, having this bizarre experience, but I don’t think it can be called an ability when I really have no control over it.  The feelings are always extreme.  I don’t know where the crazy joy or the devastating sadness comes from, but when it happens I think those few seconds will kill me, but I don’t die.  Or haven’t yet anyway.  It has made me try to put up a sort of invisible shield around myself when I’m with people so that if they are sending out bad vibes I won’t get them.  It has made me stay away from places I should have been where I might have given comfort because to me, ignorance of the bad things is equivalent to bliss.  It has made me try hard not to feel anything too deeply, or get too involved, or be too empathetic.  But inevitably this avoidance seems to build up to my quale, my personal internal sonic boom, the explosion that shatters me and no one sees me break.

This was all so hard to admit, because, like I said, I prefer to have people think I’m normal with normal quirks and eccentricities, with qualia that might be considered a little out to lunch but not psychotic or insane.  I don’t tell anyone any more when I have the gloom and doom experience because I don’t understand where it comes from or what it might portend.  It could be nothing.  I always hope it’s nothing.

So what’s the weather like where you are?  May your whole day be nothing but shades of pink and yellow.

Teach What You Know

If you were a professor, what subject would you teach?

Dalliance 101: Mastering the Fine Art of Procrastination

This course is offered to all first year students and is once again open to all returning students who failed to complete it the first time around.

Please note that this is not yet an accredited course, due in part to the fact that no final marks have yet been issued, and indeed have not yet been determined for any of the previous participants.

Class materials will include any unfinished projects of any nature, but submission is not mandatory; last semester’s uncompleted works in progress are still available for study, and have proven themselves to be invaluable in the process of perfecting various techniques in such areas as dabbling, dawdling, indecisiveness and puttering. The great debate on the merits of shilly shallying vs. dilly dallying will continue, unless other random stalling topics should arise. If time permits – fumbling, faltering, lingering, loafing and time frittering will be touched upon, along with brief forays into the fascinating realms of hemming and hawing, and the almighty pursuit of serious down time.

Extra credit will be given to those students who demonstrate perpetual tardiness, and bonus marks are awarded to students who do not show up at all.

Textbooks for this course are optional and completely up to the discretion of the individual pupil as we truly believe that it is

(Editor’s Note: We regret that a full course description was not available at time of publication; class times, days, and locations will be announced at a future, as yet unspecified, date.)

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