Tag Archives: relationships

Sharing My World 84

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Share Your World II 11-26-18

If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?

I would probably look at my hands and think, wow, I have Grandma skin! Five year olds don’t normally look in a mirror unless they are carefully applying bright red lipstick in a circle from forehead to cheeks to chin just before leaving for church. Then I would be super excited that I could reach things without standing on tip toes. And finally I would find my mom and say “Hey! Look at me! NOW am I big enough to go to school?”

What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship or a related to sort of relationship?

This might seem like an odd answer coming from someone who thinks she can tell very credible lies, but I don’t want to be lied to. Or taken advantage of. Or told to quit ending sentences with prepositions. I lie only if it keeps me out of trouble and doesn’t hurt or incriminate anyone else. So that’s a discriminating kind of fib teller I guess. As if there are degrees of wrongness about not telling the truth. Maybe I’m lied to all the time and have no clue, but if I see through a lie I’m doubly offended that someone thinks I’m dumb enough to believe them.

Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?

Global warming and what sort of horrible world we’re leaving for our grandchildren. Consumerism could kill us all. We can blame the big environment destroyers all we like, but we are the idiots demanding the crap they produce.

And one that is a bit whimsical:

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

Having spent a large portion of my life trying to convince myself that what other people think is not my problem, not important, and none of my business, I am at a complete loss to answer this. So I asked W the question. Surprisingly he was pretty prompt coming up with an answer. He would assume some secret from my past had finally come to light. He used the word “clandestine”. He told me when I say I’m going to Michael’s for yarn, I could be doing something else entirely. How clever he must think I am to come back home in an hour or less with a Michael’s bag full of yarn to cover my tracks. Woman of mystery. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone or even lived with them, they can still surprise you. In our case, I guess that works both ways.

Finally

What were you grateful for this week? Something that brought some joy into your world?

My new keyboard for my IPad! Although my fat forgetful fingers are getting better, there has been a lot of fumbling and stumbling and wearing out of the delete button while I get back to what I think of as normal typing with all ten fingers. Its already getting better. Maybe blogging will start to feel like less of a pain again. You lucky blog readers.

The other thing giving me joy is crocheting. Like everything else, I go on binges. First it was slippers, then rugs that look like braided, and now suddenly it’s hats because I found a pattern. And bought a Pom-pom maker on one of my fake trips to the store. Life is good. And for all you know, I’m not talking about my secret one when I say that.

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Just Jazzy 202

finifugal (adj) hating endings;  of someone who tries to avoid or prolong the final moments of a story, relationship, or some other journey.

Finifugal girl can't be sad for long, because when something good comes to an end, another good thing is sure to begin.
This finifugal girl can’t be sad for long, because when something good comes to an end, another good thing is sure to begin.

Jazzy Words

Things That Last

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What do you see when you look at these two pictures?  This is the kind of thing that makes me go “Awwww….” because here’s a relationship that has survived a lot of years.  It looks like they worked at it and took care of it just as they also so obviously (to me) took care of each other.  And they are still together after all these years.  It’s very sweet.  I think they are very lucky.

When I saw this I smiled, and all these things went rushing through my head, so I flipped my I-Pad around to share it with W.  I thought he would make the same connections.

He stared at it with a frown for about three seconds and then he went on and on and ON about the car.  The make and model and year and paint job and tires and chrome and God only knows what else while I sat there in stunned silence.

When he finally wound down I said, okay, but what about the PEOPLE?  And he said, well, I guess they’re probably the original owners.

I guess they probably are.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

June Post For Peace

inspiredbythis.com
inspiredbythis.com

Monthly Peace Challenge from Kozo at everyday gurus –  “This month I challenge you to explore how to have peace in relationships or how to have peace at home.”

After 41 years of being married to W (42 in November if we both live that long) I totally understand how you might think of me as a relationship guru with all the answers when it comes to making commitments that last.  I often think of myself that way.  And then I give myself a good smack on the forehead and come back to earth for a while.  Because really, who knows why some relationships last a lifetime and others are just practice runs for something better?  We’re all different, and we all relate to each other in different ways.

bloggers for peaceThis is an excellent challenge for all the Bloggers for Peace, and for anyone who is now or has ever been in any kind of relationship, wants to end an old or start a new relationship, or wonders if relationships are all they’re cracked up to be or worth the effort it takes to maintain them.  So that covers pretty much every human being on earth.

Every one of us has our own individual recipe for a peaceful home with a list of ingredients that makes relationships with others work for us.  It should never be carved in stone.  We grow, we change, we evolve.  My personal formula for happiness is in constant revision.  At this particular moment in time, these are some of the things that work for me.  If I come back and read this post in five years time and wonder how I could have been such an idiot, that’s probably a good thing.  It means I’ve learned something new and changed, hopefully for the better.

Okay!  Here we go.  Grandmalin’s Relationship Advice Column.  What makes a peaceful relationship and what you can do to become a better partner.  Because there is nothing else in life I enjoy more than telling people what to do.

1.  Make peace with yourself first.  You have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.  There is no one out there who can make you happy.  That’s your job.  Another person can help bring out the best in you, but the best has to be there in the first place.  There are also no positive relationships with emotionally unavailable people. If the people you’re currently hanging around with are not happy, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.  If you and your significant other have grown in different directions and can no longer connect or appreciate each other, by all means consider that it may be the right time for both of you to move on.

This is number one on my list because it cannot be stressed enough.  When you love yourself and are at peace with who you are, that love will spill over into all your relationships with your family and your friends and with every one you meet.  And it will open your heart to receive the peace and the love that comes back to you.

2.  Don’t try to change each other.  Go bang your head against a brick wall instead.  It will get the same results.  Accept, adapt, acknowledge.  Change and growth cannot be forced.  Overlook the little things that bug you, because they really don’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, and work on your own reactions to them instead.  Don’t nag, don’t harass.  You could maybe try crying and pleading, and see if that works.  But don’t get your hopes up.  Sometimes you just have to readjust your expectations and carry on.

3.  Speak up/Communicate.  Unless you are both mind readers, you will have to talk to each other.  Express your own feelings instead of trying to make the other person feel something. Saying “I care deeply about what is happening” means “I care deeply about you.”

4.  Shut up/Listen.  Unless you are both mind readers, you will have to really hear what is being said to you.  Don’t blame, don’t judge until you’ve truly listened with empathy and compassion.  Everyone wants and deserves to be heard.

5.  Admit that you don’t know everything.  Because, hey – you don’t know everything.  Confess when you mess up.  Step back when you are angry.  One person should not get to be the boss all the time.  Not even you.  Apologize when you need to and don’t stay mad.

6.  Slow down. Life is short and should be savoured at a leisurely pace.  What’s your hurry, anyway?  You’ll get to the end of it soon enough.  Be patient with each other.  Enjoy the learning process together.  Shoot for less drama and more calm.  Work through the issues.  Be strong enough as a team to weather every storm.

7.  Be kind.  Keep your promises.  Each of you deserves to be seen and heard, loved and appreciated.  Be grateful for the time and energy and tolerance it takes to support a loving relationship.  Be supportive and helpful and happy for each other’s successes.   When you fall flat on your face it’s nice to have someone around to help you pick yourself up.  Be that someone for the people you love.

8.   Give each other lots of space.  Respect the other persons right to do things on their own, to make their own decisions and their own mistakes.  You may be a couple, but you are still both individuals working hard on whatever it takes for you to be the best you can be, investing time and energy in your own personal growth.  Sometimes we simply need someone to be there, not to fix anything or even to do anything in particular, but just to stand beside us so that we know we are cared for and loved.

9.  Play.  Have fun.  Laugh.  Be silly.  Life does not have to be so serious.  Spend part of every day being a bit wild and crazy. See how that feels.  Pretty good, hey?  Do it again tomorrow.

10.  Never forget why you fell in love in the first place.  The older you get, the harder it may be for you to recall what the hell you were thinking.  Just remember, your relationship does not define you and it does not own you.  You are now, and forever will be, yourself, living your own life.  But since you’ve decided for now that you’re in this together, don’t stop working on your relationship and everything that makes it sweet.

Love yourself, give love, receive love, be in love. Practice, practice, practice.  That’s how peace happens.

peace at home

This Phone is a Trucking Place of Spit

"not encephalitis the email"
“not encephalitis the email” (Photo credit: marioanima)

Daily Prompt:  Take a line from a song that you love or connect with. Turn that line into the title of your post.

Today on Facebook, Damn You Auto Correct posted the “Baby I Lobe You” song, and it was all downhill from there.

This particular song on You Tube isn’t necessarily one I love, because I only discovered it today, but it’s certainly one I can connect with.  Because everyone who has an I-phone has at one time or another called it a fluffing piece of shut, if not worse.

Verse 1

When I said I wanted to kill you,
I meant to say kiss
When I said I was going to dump your bones in the woods,
I meant to say jump
And now you think I’m a psychopath
And our relationship is wrecked
There’s nothing I can do but put the blame on
Auto-correct.

Verse 2

You said whenever you miss me you smell my shits,
I think you meant shirts
My work was coming in slits and spritzers (sorry)
Spits and spurts
I said you were a whining spaz
When I meant to say shining star
Then I said I was going to pimp your ass
When I went to park your car
And now you think I’m a total dick
And I’m losing your respect
There’s nothing I can do but put the blame on
Auto-correct.

Verse 3

You said you like to fist with men in bars,
I think you meant flirt
Either way I think it’s safe to say
One of us is going to get hurt
I know that you don’t mind jazz
In a quiet little back street place
But you said in your message you quite like jizz
Except when it was in your face
And now it seems we’re communicating
In a brand new dialect
There’s nothing I can do but put the blame on
Auto-correct.

Middle Eight

These thumbs were not designed for typing
Maybe we should just have stuck to skyping
Now all that you can say to me
Is WTF and OMG
This song is one long apology, I admit
This phone is a fluffing piece of shut
This phone is a flecking price of slut
This phone is a trucking place of spit

Verse 4

When I said I like to use glory-holes,
I was trying to type coriander
I was looking forward to eating out
On your vagina
(Verandah, verandah, so sorry)

Now we’ve sent these messages
That we should have double-checked
There’s nothing I can do but put the blame on
Auto-erotic
Auto-erotic
Automatic
Autocratic
Sumo wrestler
Dodo forest
Dildo Carrot

Oh well, what did we expect?
We never should have put our faith in auto-correct.

Three Things One More Time

I’m still slogging through a revsion process and came across the following  effort which seemed worth another look and a re-do.  Please feel free to copy the headings and fill in your own answers!  I have no idea where it came from in the first place – probably one of those annoying chain type e-mails.English: Coffee for Love

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Lin
2. Mom

3. GrandmaGrandmaGrandma!

THREE THINGS YOU DON’T EVER WANT TO BE CALLED:

1.  Anything with a swear word in it

2.  Lazy and selfish (the truth hurts)

3.  Bellatrix Lestrange

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My razor sharp wit

2. My incredible beauty

3. My blatant sarcasm

THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My inability to function as a human being without the aid of coffee

2. How much I enjoy doing nothing

3. The shape of my right foot – is that a BUNION for the love of God??

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. Scottish

2. Irish

3. German, English, Russian, who really knows

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. The Ocean

2. Wild Animals

3. Severe Weather

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Coffee

2. My computer

3. More coffee

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE COLORS

1. Dark Red

2. Medium Red

3. Light red

THREE THINGS YOU VALUE IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. Laughter

2. Respect

3. Separate vacations

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):

1. I would like to go back to Scotland some day

2. I love African decor

3. I’d like to drown at sea

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Reading

2. Writing

3. Reading something else

THREE THINGS YOU HAVE WISHED FOR

1. Rain

2. World peace

3. To win the lottery

THREE CAREERS YOU HAVE CONSIDERED

1. Brain Surgeon

2. Rocket Scientist

3. Optician

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO:

1. Home

2. To sleep

3. To heaven

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. Live

2. Make the world a better safer happier place

3. Make W.’s life hell. (oh – I thought we were still doing the truth/truth/lie thing 😉

Someone From High School

When was the last time you saw someone from high school?

Ahh, yes, high school.  I remember it well.  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Was there ever another bewildered teenager with such a curious combination of colossal conceit and pitiful self-loathing?

Probably, right?  But if you lived it perhaps you know how hard it is to get over yourself and the whole high school experience.  It was all just so…..HIGH SCHOOL.

The last time I saw someone I went to high school with my sister had to point out the fact to me since I didn’t recognize her. Quite possibly there have been lots of other chance encounters of fellow students and I’ve been blissfully oblivious.  There’s really no one I’ve kept in touch with from that time in my life, except for one person who found me on facebook, and sporadic Christmas cards from someone else, and of course those rare chance encounters where somebody has to give me a hard nudge with her elbow to make me pay attention and figure out where I’ve seen that guy before.

We had gone to the hospital in my home town to visit my dad following his stroke.  A little dark-haired nurse came in and fussed over him for a bit and my sister said a few things to her.  Then she said to me, do you remember Cathy P, who used to be Cathy C.?  And suddenly the face was familiar – the cute little cheerleader years later in a nurse’s uniform!  No doubt what flashed through her mind might have been – huh – the prom queen gone to fat and wrinkles!  But we smiled and said hello and how are you and it’s been so long, and it’s so nice to see you again….all the right things, whether sincere or not really makes no difference.

Later my sister told me that Cathy had married her high school sweetheart.  And that he had died a few years ago, and she had been completely devastated for a long time. He was the love of her life and she said after he was gone that even if she’d known of this eventual outcome she loved him so much she would do it all over again. Hearing this put everything in a completely different perspective for me.  We are not who we were in high school.  People become wives and mothers and widows and dedicated nurses who fuss over our sick fathers.  Our lives may be vaguely shaped by those school years but in the big picture they’re just a short little spurt of growing up time preparing us for whatever comes next.

We give it such excessive and boundless importance while we’re living it – the relationships and the friendships and the angst ridden search for who we are and how we want to be regarded.  And then we graduate and go off in a myriad of different directions on various divergent and dissimilar paths and what people think of us becomes nothing at all compared to how we feel about ourselves.

So, old high school people from my past, if we should happen to meet and look each other in the face and have no clue whatsoever why we look familiar to each other for some obscure reason – I hope you have had a wonderful life.  I hope you have known joy and contentment and love.  I hope that whatever pain and sadness you’ve had in your life has made you stronger and that you are at peace with the world.  That’s really what I mean when I’m saying hello, how are you, nice to see you again.

Online Dating

Would you ever use an online dating service?  Why or why not?  Have you already?

If I was desperate for a date, I guess I might.  And no, I have not already, because I’ve never been desperate for a date.

Well, okay, maybe there was that one time when I had to go to the spring prom the year after I graduated from high school to crown the next prom queen.  Whoever thought up that stupid tradition probably also invented online dating for just such an emergency.

But no worries, even without the internet I managed to dig up some guy to escort me.  Didn’t have to pay him or anything, although I sure can’t remember what was in it for him.  The pleasure of my sarcastic eye rolling company I guess.

At this point in my life I certainly don’t have any high school proms looming in my forseeable future, and even going on an actual ‘date’ is a real stretch of the imagination.  Especially one arranged online.  Because I’ve heard some horror stories.  Like how you should put 911 on speed dial on your phone and choose a crowded coffee shop with several exits for your meeting place and even then it could all go horribly wrong.

Really I’m just a complete chicken shit and can’t imagine any of it.  Although I do believe it’s the way of the future.  And just like being introduced to your cousins girlfriends fathers nephews friend from some place you’ve never heard of and having it all work out….I think the odds of finding someone worth the effort online are just as good.