Just Jazzy 120

Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle. (Paulo Coelho, Brida)

My wine and I were having a moment and I wasn't paying attention.  So hey, no worries, your secrets are safe with me.

My wine and I were having a moment and I wasn’t paying attention. So hey, no worries, your secrets are safe with me.

Future Cast

It’s been awhile since I made fun of the stars predictions.  I read way too many astrological forecasts (and laugh way too much at how seriously they appear to be taking themselves) but I figure its cheap entertainment.  Free if you don’t count what the time it takes you to read them is worth.

Secrets aren’t your favorite state of affairs, so being asked to keep one isn’t easy for you. When need be, however, there’s no one who can hold on to a secret with more tenacity. Like now, for example.

Isn’t that bad English or grammar or does it not break some obscure language law when someone says secrets are a state of affairs?  A current condition?  A frame of mind? How things are?  If somebody asked me what’s happening I can’t imagine “secrets” being my first response.  It isn’t easy for me to keep a secret but no one can keep one better than me.  That’s exactly what it said.  I think.  And YES, the secret I’m keeping right now is certainly safe since I don’t have a clue what it is.

You may be considering going back to school or taking a lecture or class together with a friend or companion who shares your interests. You could learn something that will allow you to improve your productivity, or to start a business of your own.

You may….you could….change those to “you certainly are not……” and “it’s highly unlikely that you will….” and suddenly this one makes sense.

You have an opportunity to empower the future of your love life. If you are still single, you may meet someone promising today. If you are dating, you may be thinking about the next stage in your relationship. If you are already married, it will be an incredibly romantic day.

They’ve certainly given it a good shot to cover all the possibilities – single, dating, already married.  But since there was nothing in there about having been married forever and being thousands of miles apart at the moment I couldn’t make it fit my life. Having an incredibly romantic day on your own is not as easy as you might think.

Your mental energy is stronger today, but you find it easier to focus on social obligations than on the demands of your career. You will be getting a lot of pleasant calls from friends and companions. You could be invited to a sporting event this evening.    

My demanding career had me seeing a lot of contact lens patients yesterday, two of whom paid money to learn how to shove little bits of silicone onto their eyeballs.  I was quite focused on teaching them how to do that, so it’s a good thing there were no social obligations to distract me.  When I got home there were three missed calls on my phone, all from unknown numbers.  I guess all my friends and companions have changed their phone numbers and forgotten how to leave messages.  So I missed the sporting event, unless a two hour nap on the couch qualifies.  There, that one was pretty bang on, wasn’t it?

It’s Monday, and day three in my five days of work in a row.  Yeah, I used to do the five day thing all the time, but it’s amazing how fast I got used to just two days at a time with a day or two off to recover in between.  With enough coffee I should make it to five o’clock alive, but more importantly, awake and still coherent.  I notice that’s not predicted anywhere, but I’ll try to stay optimistic.

Q and A on the Last Day of May

Cartagena Film Festival office

Cartagena Film Festival office (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Describe the last difficult goodbye you said.  Every goodbye is difficult for me.  Just ask the people who are foolish enough to phone me.  Or ask W, who left for Ontario over a month ago, planning to be gone for 5 or 6 months.  Drive carefully and see you later hardly seemed adequate as proper send-off sentiments.  Any goodbye is easier if you can convince yourself it’s certainly not forever.  Even better if you can just avoid saying it altogether.  Especially when loved ones are physically gone.  As long as you remember them, they can be close forever.

Have you ever attended a film festival?  Not a real one.  But lately I’ve been having my own private little film festivals watching Netflix on my computer into the wee hours at least twice a week.  They keep making suggestions (if you liked that one, you’re gonna LOVE this one….) and I keep adding things to my “list”.  In order to see everything I want to see I’ll have to somehow become immortal.

At what point in your life did you start feeling like an adult?  That would be yesterday around 4:00 p.m.  The feeling did not last long.  It never does.

What are you most looking forward to doing this summer?  Watching the grass grow.  And then watching someone else cut it.  I’ve used up all my holidays until the fall.  I have no trips planned.  I work four days a week and sometimes cover for holidays. So between working and lawn observation and talking about it here, I’d say my schedule is pretty tight.  No one else would say that, so I figured I might as well.

Create a new television show that will delight audiences.  Okay, and then what happens?  Will I get paid for this?  Or are you just toying with me?  Like when I’m asked for advice and then told how stupid it is?   Sorry, I’m not falling for this one.  The most delight I get out of the tv is when it’s turned off.  I don’t think that will  be a really popular option.

Who do you trust with your biggest secrets?  Since I can’t think what those biggest secrets might be, (or if I ever had any they appear to be long forgotten),  I suppose I can trust myself to not go around blurting them out to the world.

Recall one of the best teachers you’ve had.  Everyone I’ve ever met has taught me something.  Life itself is the best teacher.  And age is irrelevant.  Newborn baby, teenager, ninety year old – everyone has wisdom to share.  You just have to shut up and listen, mostly with your heart.  Sometimes with your eyes closed.

Do you think smoking should be banned in all bars and restaurants?  Yes.  And also in all private homes, public places, and parked or moving vehicles.  And anywhere else on the planet that’s not covered by those categories.  People should be encouraged to find a less disgusting way to kill themselves.

Name a song that always puts you in a good mood.  I’ll do better than just name it – listen to this and you will be inspired to figure out your own little happy dance.

My Mother Was A Dreamer (Part One)

Once again, going through old treasures, I have managed to create a brand new “page” in the family history spot on Breathing Space.  Here’s a short cut, which will save me blathering away about where you can find it, if you’re interested at all in obscure Ontario farm history.

History of the Farm

Growing up and being completely self absorbed, I totally missed seeing my mother as the wonderful young and vibrant girl she used to be.  Do any of us take the time to see our mothers in any other role besides that of ‘being MOM’ until after we’ve gone through the entire process ourselves?  Eventually we wonder whatever became of that person we used to be before life changed us into someone else.

My mom worked hard.  She was constantly busy, always doing something or going somewhere, always urging us to do things and go places and get things accomplished.  Sometimes I admired her energy.  Often I resented that she never slowed down long enough to really talk to me.  Although if she had I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.  I spent a lot of time alone and thinking and writing in journals and dreaming about the future me – as different as night and day from my mother, is what I thought.  Turns out we were more alike than I ever imagined.

Margaret and her friend Blanche in Red Bay, circa 1937

Mom wrote a letter to her future self on her twentieth birthday. I’m so glad I found it.  I think it’s a beautiful thing to have kept all these years, because I’m sure it reminded her of who she was and made her proud of the person she became.

(page one, Febuary 17, 1937, to her future self, to be read on her 25th birthday February 17th, 1942)

To Margaret –

With a smile, I write to you – myself at twenty five.  Remember me kindly, my dream girl in your castles in the air.

It’s noon in Red Bay School.  A beautiful sunny day for my twentieth birthday.  A scattering of snow reminds one that it is winter and nothing more.  Lest you’ve forgotten let me remind you of Findlay, still eating his lunch and chatting with the others, a sandwich in one hand, an apple in the other – Isabella always moving, chattering, teasing, the best often comes in small packages.  Irene, brown eyed, interested, maybe worried but always in on everything.  George, always the same, quiet.  Betty, kind neat and attractive and soon there will be Lillian, helping and ordering.  And later Hazel, certain and dependable and kind.  The piano, The Honour Roll, our car contest, the display at the back.  Do they still bring pleasant memories to you yet?  Do you remember the dark, heavy dress, the red and white three cornered colar?  I’m wearing that.  Mrs. Reed likes it so well and it’s for tonight too.  No one knows it is my birthday.  Remember why?

Did we go to Mac and Maries?  Will we understand eachother?  Have we drifted far apart?  I’m hoping, hoping – you’ve both found happiness!

I’m reading Doctrine and Covenants, Reading friends, true ones I know, sweet happiness and maybe tears too have made me different.  Dear Pal, you haven’t changed, have you?

I dream of you and my dreams come true.  I pray that passing years on you have made a heart that’s truer gold and only noble aims enfolds, a voice that’s gentle and kind to help those whom you meet and understanding mind to meet each varied moment, and hands that strive for other’s joy.

As I look at you I shant look for beauty that is cheaply bought, but may I gaze at inward beauty shining through your eyes, your smiles, and reflected on the faces of those you love.

I hope you’ve chosen worthwhile things in life.  I don’t know what to call you.  I hope you’re still Marnie.

I’d love to ask you many things.  If you could only tell me secrets.  How I’d love to know about so many friends!  Blanche, Lena, Nina, Marie, Ettie, Oley, and oh so many more.

I wonder where you are?  Do you love to go home, the same as ever?  How changed those at home will be too.

Maybe you’d like to know how much I weigh.  I guess you’re keeping yours a secret!!?  Well I’m 137.  My hair with a couple of waves on the top, slightly shingled and just down to the ears.  My white sweater has been worn only twice, you know the Marion and Marnie one.

And now as I close the pages of a teenage reverie and enter into my twenties, I set my goal on you, my dream girl of 25.  You haven’t disappointed me, have you?  Let my theme songs “I will be true”, “I need thee every hour” and “Blest be the tie that binds” be fragrant incense which lifts me always closer to thee.

Goodbye from yourself on your twentieth birthday.

Posting Secrets

Every so often I visit www.postsecret.com to see what strange things people feel the need to share with others.  I’ve got the app on my IPhone too and sometimes flip through the latest posts for want of something better to do with my spare time. 

I guess it’s possible that a large percentage of these ‘secrets’ are actually true.  Some stuff is put there purely for the reaction and the shock value though, and a lot of it is meant to make us weep.  Then there are the people who just want to be reassured that they’re not completely out to lunch, even if in fact they are completely out to lunch. (I can’t be the only one who has this disgusting habit, can I?  Surely not.)

Once a secret is posted it’s of course no longer a secret;  anonymity of the author becomes the only unknown once it’s up there for all the world to see.

There was one I read today that struck me as ridiculously funny.  It’s a picture of a guy pointing a stick at his german shepherd, and the ‘secret’ is this:  I trained my dog with the elder wand.

Awesome. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart for sharing this.  His amazing little secret kept a silly grin on my face all day long.