Carry On

For the last couple of days I’ve had a hard time getting to my quiet, calm and peaceful place.  Shit happens.  Sometimes it hits you from two different directions at once. What else can you do but stay calm and carry on.

My collection of written work begs to be organized and I’ve been working on that, in an attempt to sort out the little gems from the great pile of crap.  Here’s one that was perhaps a little more inspired than normal.

Do You Think Aliens Have Ever Visited Earth?

Of course they have. I’ve seen the movies. They live among us. But only because their space ships have malfunctioned and can’t be repaired and they’re stuck here indefinitely. Otherwise they’d be long gone. Originally aliens landed here with the intent of taking control and colonizing this planet but now that they’ve seen what a complete bloody mess it’s in that idea has been shelved. There are other worlds where the inhabitants aren’t so dead set on destroying everything around them and making themselves extinct and they’ve chosen to settle in those galaxies of less insanity instead.

Although aliens have cleverly disguised themselves as ordinary human beings (and let’s face it, the choices are infinite because no one is sure what a normal human being actually is), you can recognize one by observing how they shake their heads and roll their eyes and mutter things like ‘what the hell were we thinking’ when no one is paying any attention to them. Plus their skin is a weird blue/green color and they glow in the dark.

I could also tell you all about time travel and parallel dimensions and black holes and alien abduction if you want, but maybe we shouldn’t get ourselves into a state of information overload and blow up our craniums with short circuits and an overdose of b.s. Save those brain cells for thinking up new ways to obliterate the planet. That’ll show those aliens who’s in control.

Beam Me Up

Always liked the idea of beaming myself somewhere and skipping the wait at the airport or the long hours cooped up in a car. I know getting there is supposed to be half the fun, but sometimes it actually isn’t.

Wishing for something is one thing, having it as a real possibility is another thing entirely. Teleportation is a scary concept, so I’m sure I’ll be one of the skeptical people who holds back and waits to see how it goes for all those adventurous types before trying it out myself.

Chances are good that I’ll be a strong advocate for wormholes as a viable alternative, and a safer mode of transportation. Taking a speed-of-light shortcut through space and time while keeping the traveller intact has a certain appeal over being disassembled and put back together. Jumpgates, portals, stargates – could we please try those things first?

All in all, it sounds like a whole new way to lose your luggage, never mind the various molecules that might go missing en route to your destination. Missing fat molecules I could deal with, but the rest of my bits and pieces I’m not so sure I want to risk being without. Call me pathetically old-fashioned, but I’m kind of happy with my present continuity of existence.

I don’t want to arrive all messed up in some strange place being told to pull myself together and having no clue how to do that. So go ahead and beam yourself halfway across the planet, work out all the beaming kinks and hitches, and hopefully by the time teleportation is safely perfected I’ll be too damn old to care where I am or how I got there.

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