For the Love of Flat Bread

Funny what counts as inspiration and makes me want to blog all of a sudden.  This is mostly for my recipe-sending sister, to let her know I take her seriously when she makes a recommendation even if it takes me forever and three days to try it out for myself.

It’s coconut flour flat bread!  I followed the recipe!  Except for the part at the end where my one act of rebellion was to cut it into shapes instead of rounds.  Rounds give you too many left over pieces you just want to throw out.  This was less wasteful and more interesting.  The two pieces sort of shaped like Manitoba were just happy accidents.

It smells great when it’s baking and tastes really good with garlic and herb cream cheese.  And yeah, that was breakfast.

Here’s how easy it is.  Maybe you know what a big fan of easy I am.

Ingredients

½ cup coconut flour

2 (two) 15 ml Tablespoons + 2 (two) 5 ml teaspoons xantham gum

¼ cup melted coconut oil

1 cup boiling water

optional: 1 tsp spice of your choice (I used Italian)

Directions

Preheat oven to 355 F
Whisk dry ingredients together

Add water & oil. Mix with fork until no lumps and dough comes together.

Knead with your hands until well mixed.

Roll out dough in between 2 sheets of parchment paper

Cut into rounds with cookie cutter or oiled drinking glass

Line cookie sheet with parchment paper & fill with cut outs like cookies

Bake for 20 min until golden brown
Next time I might add some salt, and flip them over in the last five minutes so both sides get a bit crispy.  And of course experiment with the spices.

I’ve been so incredibly antisocial for such a long time this summer, if that’s what it takes for an introvert to recharge, I should be at about 120 percent by now.  I admit I sometimes talk to myself out loud lately.  You know, just to see if my voice still works.  This morning I had a staring contest with a jack rabbit until I asked him wtf he wanted and he took off.  The other day I watched the squirrel on our fence taunting three squawking crows.  Perhaps you are getting an inkling of why I haven’t been rushing to my iPad to record these and other extraordinary events for posterity.

And it’s been so hot.  When I shop I go early in the morning, get the mail from the day before, half close the blinds to the direct sunlight and read my kindle with a fan blowing in my face.  Play some computer games, check out the idiotic crap going on in the world, see if there’s weather watches or warnings.  Get quite excited for myself and my grass if it rains.  Wasn’t so thrilled with the latest tornado watch, didn’t like the black sky and hung out in the basement for a bit one evening.

Other than that and having family here for the Canada Day weekend and talking to and texting W sporadically, there is nothing to say.  So I have been saying nothing.  And doing next to that.

I am alive and eating flat bread.  Life is good.

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How Do I Love Thee January?

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Let me count the ways.  A list of all the good things about this winter month from hell.

  1. There aren’t any.
  2. Just kidding, there’s got to be something.
  3. Penguin Awareness Day is coming up on the 20th (and Squirrel Appreciation Day on the 21st).  (You can find more weird days to observe and celebrate here). If you would like to ignore the U.S. presidential inauguration there are obviously many more important and worthwhile things happening this month on which to redirect your time and attention.
  4. Daylight is increasing by leaps and bounds.  Or minutes if you want to be realistic.
  5. A week and 2/7ths of this month are over already. Yay!
  6. Many people richer and smarter than I am are leaving Canada and going south to get warmed up.  This means they can feel all smug about the crappy weather they’re missing and the rest of us will be delighted to accept admiration for our perseverance and stoicism in sticking around and facing the elements. I will also happily accept sympathy and pity.
  7. There are all kinds of sales everywhere this month, and this is a good thing for me because I’m so done with shopping from the previous month I feel no temptation at all to be out there saving money on things I don’t need.
  8. There are at least three good things going on in number seven.  So maybe we can round this up at the end.
  9. The shortbread cookies are almost all gone. I think we may be down to our last dozen.  Finishing them is W’s responsibility and he continues to be up for the challenge.
  10. The list of artists who were approached to perform at the inauguration, and refused,  continues to grow.  Penguin awareness Day is looking better and better.

And now I’m going to sneak in a knee complaint just to let all you knee problem people know how much sincere empathy I have for you after my week of hobbling around swearing.  Holy crap a hurting knee is awful.  The other day I sat down awkwardly and it snapped and crunched and shot excruciating pain to all my extremities at once (I may be exaggerating, but only very slightly, really) and since then it has been getting progressively better.  Not the cure I would necessarily recommend. Sitting around with my leg elevated and straight and having W cook and do laundry for me is my favourite method so far.

Okay!  Back to enjoying this gloriously cold snowy overcast day!  There might not be too many more of them left!  I just rolled my eyes so hard I gave myself a headache.

Hello Hello Again

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Holy Cow.  What the heck happened to the first week of May?  My page-a-day calendar is stuck on Tuesday.   One more work day and then I’m off into the wild blue yonder, ready or not.  Feels like I’ve been packing for weeks, but there’s a real science to ‘packing light’.  I wish I knew what that means and how to do it.

My silly ducks have been landing in the backyard every day since I first saw them, once early in the morning and once or twice late in the afternoon.  Sometimes they perch on the garage roof until they’ve checked things out, then they swoop down and clean up the spilled bird seed.  And then off they go until the next time.  Sometimes they’re joined by a squirrel, a crow and a magpie.  None of these creatures was what I expected to attract when I hung up my bird feeders, but this little mini zoo is what I got.

The lawn people have done our spring clean up, and tomorrow we’re supposed to get the shingles replaced on the roof of the house and the garage.  I guess that’s cheaper than buying a new house once the roof starts to leak.  The shingles are supposed to last thirty years.  Weird to think the roof will likely outlive us both.

Also weird is a lady who told me today while I was adjusting her glasses that she must have the arms bowed out so that they don’t touch her temples on the way back to her ears, because every time the wind blows, her head swells.  I swear I couldn’t make shit like this up if I tried.  I just did what she wanted and didn’t ask questions.

There’s a few posts scheduled to appear between now and the 27th of May when I return, but this process also got weird for me.  Felt strangely like time travel.  Or tempting fate.  So I stopped.  Time for a blogging break anyway, going somewhere new and experiencing something different.  And thus having something new to talk about.  As long as no one expects an intelligent Greek history lesson, we’re good.

Catch you on the flip side. ♥

Just Jazzy 199

Jazzy discovered an Evil Squirrel’s Nest and her life will never be the same.

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♥ Here’s to whatever and weird new friends. ♥

Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s First Annual Contest Of Whatever!   “…..Your entry for this contest can have any subject matter you so desire…. but it must include at least one each of the following…..a squirrel, a possum and a unicorn.”

Five Steps to a Good Morning

Weekly Writing Challenge  Detail a three to five step story or process, and illustrate each of the steps with something visual.

I have been practicing these Five Steps and having Good Mornings for a lot of years.  Time to spread some joy.

Step One:  Push the Brew Button

Step One: Push the Brew Button on your coffee pot until it turns Red or Green or whatever colour indicates “Yes I Am ON”.

The reason you are able to stumble down the hallway and into the kitchen and start your coffee brewing with one finger is because you got the whole thing ready to go the night before, in anticipation of being in No Mood to do much more than that before having your first cup of coffee.  I don’t know what life before coffee means.  I don’t think there is any such a thing.

Step Two:  Select One Big-Assed Coffee Cup

Step Two: Select One Big-Assed Coffee Cup

I own four of these monster mugs, in a variety of colors.  Red is my favourite, but this orange one will have to do today because all the other ones are in the dishwasher.  At least I hope that’s where they are.  Frankly, they could be anywhere.

Step Three:  Choose your Poison.  Add to cup FIRST.  If you do this first, you will not have to do any strenuous stirring later.

Step Three: Choose your Poison. Add to cup FIRST. If you do this first, you will not have to do any strenuous stirring later.

Hazelnut cream is NOT good for you, but then neither is coffee, really, so don’t worry about it.

Step Four:  Fill Cup With Freshly Brewed Coffee.

Step Four: Fill Cup With Freshly Brewed Coffee.

If you are very observant you will have already noticed that I do not own a coffee carafe.  I never met one that I could pour coffee from without making a big mess, and do you know how easy it is to break one of those stupid glass things?  And how hard they are to replace?  There are some stressful things that can be removed from your life very simply, and I suggest you give the elimination of the coffee carafe some serious thought.

Step Five:  Just Breathe.  Inhale, Exhale.  Take a sip.  Enjoy the moment.

Step Five: Just Breathe. Inhale, Exhale. Take a sip. Enjoy the moment.

Look out the kitchen window.  Smile at the mountain of snow and the bird feeder being guarded by your very own freaked out nasty squirrel.  It doesn’t matter that the sun isn’t shining.  It doesn’t matter that the temperature is still below freezing.  It doesn’t matter that you have to get ready for work soon.  Oh, wait.  That one does matter.

Step Six:  (Optional)  Transport Mug to New Location and Continue on with your morning until you require a Refill.  Details to follow but only if you can't figure that out on your onw.

Step Six: (Optional) Transport Mug to New Location and Continue on with your morning until you require a Refill. Details to follow but only by popular demand if there is anyone out there who actually needs help with this complicated process.

I hope you got all this, because if you did it right, you will want to do it all over again tomorrow.  Enjoy your coffee.  Enjoy your day.

My Dream Home

Picture a quiet location with beautiful country garden landscaping (my dream home comes complete with a full-time gardener, because my own thumbs are anything but green). There are lovely old trees and a couple of benches and some stone paths and a resident squirrel or two. I will insist that my gardener plant daisies everywhere.

The house is chalet style with lots of sparkling clear windows. (I suppose I’ll need a full-time window washer as well.) Inside there is dark wood and lots of red and many nooks and crannies. There is a winding staircase to a loft with a library, a writing desk, a comfy couch and a small studio with excellent light from all the tall windows and the beautiful sky light.

The library will be so fabulous that I’ll never want to be anywhere else, and eventually I’ll forget where I put such mundane things as the kitchen and the linen closet. Already I don’t care. If the library is the only part of this dream that comes true, it will be enough.

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