Oh Canada

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So this happened….

I don’t know, is there anything more Canadian than two RCMP officers dressed in red serge mounted on magnificent black horses in a Starbucks drive through? Well yeah, they maybe should have picked a Tim Hortons, but still. Lots of weird stuff happening during our country’s 150th birthday year.  This was in June (click on pic for link).

The only reason I know about it is because I looked it up on Monday morning after I was walking through my living room on my way to somewhere else and heard the clippity clop of big horse feet, and thought that’s pretty weird shit for this or any random little residential street.  So I looked out my front window as two mounted police went by my house.

This is the kind of thing that makes you wonder if you’re hallucinating, insane, deluded, dreaming, or all of the above.  I could so easily have missed it.  There was no time to grab my phone to take a picture because although they were going at a very leisurely pace, they were there and then they were gone in the time it took for me to pick my jaw up off the floor.

The only thing I could find online was this coffee run picture from a month ago.  I guess they may very well be doing these patrols intermittently all summer around here.  And I would have been oblivious to this news if it hadn’t walked by my front yard.

So, here’s a list of things I have seen this summer although I don’t live in a rural setting or by a pond or in a forest:

  1. A big black and white cat.
  2. Many dogs on leashes walking their humans
  3. A coyote
  4. A pair of mallard ducks checking out the neighbors driveway mud puddle
  5. Two jack rabbits. Or could be more, they all look alike.
  6. The resident squirrel and the encroaching squirrels he chatters at and chases away
  7. Many big black crows
  8. Lots of gorgeous magpies
  9. A few bluejays
  10. HORSES for the love of God.

So what’s next, elephants and UFOs?  I’ll keep you posted.

Hey, speaking of posted, I read in the local paper that postal workers want to bring back door to door mail delivery here.  Maybe not-so-disgruntled mail carriers will be the next thing I see from my very own front door.  Not holding my breath for that one though.

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Deep Thoughts on a Shopping Bag

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It’s the attention to little details that make shopping at Chapters such a delight for people like me who love this kind of thing.  If there must be a shopping bag, why not make it say something wonderful?  I forgot to take a reusable bag with me and I was walking, so I reluctantly said yes to a bag, but happily this one will NOT go directly into the recycle bin along with my guilt about the environment.  I will use it again, because you don’t just recycle John Keats.

Not in any way trying to out-do Keats, and everything he mentions in this quote is lovely, but I would like to change the sentiment a little to reflect my own personal preferences.

Give me

a blank canvas, crispy bacon,

Argentinian Malbec wine

soft candle light

&

a little peace and quiet…..

Hmmm… are all these things meant to go together?  I’ve never had bacon with my wine.  Or painted by candlelight either.

I do have some other weird habits though, one of which is reading labels and product descriptions and getting bamboozled into buying them simply because they sound peculiar and interesting.  I bought a hair product once because it promised to deconstruct my hair in to loose textured beach waves.  It contained black figs and sea salt.  Really.  Eventually I poured what remained of it down the sink because what it actually made my hair look like was a very structured haystack.

What is a beach wave anyway?  And why did I think I wanted some of those?  Hard to complain to the makers of a product when you don’t have a clue what they are promising you.

Great books are just the beginning.  Isn’t that an awesome little statement?  Even though it doesn’t specify whether it’s the beginning of something amazing or the beginning of something horrifying we still want to have those great books.  Because beginnings, right?

And we want those great books in great bags!

Thank you Indigo.  For your bags and your words and your little in-store coffee shop making all your books smell like Starbucks.  I will be back for more.  But you know that, don’t you?  Yes, you do.

Ten Reasons Why Going Out For Coffee Tonight is Stupid

Coffee and Doughnut

Coffee and Doughnut (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1.  It’s dark outside.

2.  The roads are slippery.

3.  Coffee contains caffeine.

4.  I got off work at 5:00.  The coffee place is across from work.  It will be like driving back to WORK.  Gawd.

5.  Of the six people supposedly going, only one that I know of actually WANTS to be there.  That would be the inviter.  There appears to be a contest going on amongst the invitees to see who can come up with the best excuse to skip out.

6.  I NEVER win this kind of contest.

7.  There might be something good on tv.

8.  We could all end up with speeding tickets in our mad rush to get the hell back home.

9.  The Starbucks people will probably get seriously grouchy about having to brew a fresh pot of coffee at this bizarre time of day.

10.  W will ask me why I’m doing something I don’t want to do, and I will shrug and roll my eyes and not be able to come up with a sane answer.  I hate it when that happens.

What W actually wanted to know in this case was whether or not this person could make my life any more miserable than she already has if I don’t show up tonight.  Well I guess I’m about to find out, because I’m not going.

If you never hear from me again, it will not be because I drank a bad cup of coffee after 8:00 p.m.  So cross that one off your list of clues.

Everybody Should Have One of These Things

Early this morning I drove over to the mall and had my hair cut.  Every time this happens I manage to have a mild anxiety attack, but this time I’ll spare you the details.  It’s hair.  It will grow.  I must enjoy this process, because I keep repeating it.  The salon I went to is right next to Chapters and Starbucks, so it’s no great surprise that I spent another hour there searching for ways to get rid of even more money.

I got stuck in the Self Help section looking at books which want to teach me how to be happy.  And happier. And smarter and richer and more successful and focused and content and gawd only knows what else – I never made it to the bottom shelf.  I actually hate the bottom shelf and think everything in there should be placed at eye level for people like me who don’t feel like bending over.  If there was a book down there with advice on how to get over being so damned lazy I didn’t see it.

There is a happiness quiz in one of the books I decided to bring home with me.  If I pass that with flying colors I suppose I won’t have to read the rest of it. And without any advice at all I managed to buy something that has already made me very happy for inexplicable reasons.

It’s a desktop gargoyle.  I have never had a gargoyle before and until this morning I had no idea that I needed one.  Having inch long spiked up hair no longer matters.  The little book that comes with it says he will protect me from evil spirits and act as a warning to potential evil-doers.  It suggests I should get ready for an exciting life alongside my new beloved fiery-eyed friend.

Even without his eyes lit up he’s pretty impressive.  Available at Chapters.  If there are any more demented shoppers like me out there, these will be gone before you know it.  So get out there and get one NOW.

Blue Music

…..easy come, easy go

Little high, little low

Any way the wind blows

Doesn’t really matter to me……

(Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen)

Bohemian Rhapsody

When I’m feeling down….

It’s rare for me to feel down unless I’m sick, or crazily tired, or have run out of coffee beans. And the last thing I’d think of doing when that happens is to pump up the music. Silence and darkness and sleep (and a trip to Starbucks) will make for a cheerier tomorrow.

The world is such a noisy place, sometimes my head pounds with the racket. W. turns on the radio and I switch it off. The tv is in the basement so I rarely hear it. I haven’t downloaded any i-tunes onto my phone yet….maybe I never will. When I lose my hearing I will no doubt be the happiest deaf person alive.

It’s not that I don’t love music; I just don’t want to be bombarded by it all the time. I think Bohemian Rhapsody is the best song ever written. I love Queen and a dozen other groups and artists, but in small doses.

And then there’s the music that can make me laugh – 2nd best song ever written – Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, Monty Python style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

I’m having a better day than these guys! Woohoo!

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