Tag Archives: suicide

Nothing is a Lucky Seven Letter Word

Yes, it's a picture of a painting.  Should I blow it up and frame it??
Yes, it’s a picture of a painting. Should I blow it up and frame it??

Yesterday I sat in the waiting room at the specialists office for my follow-up appointment concerning the results of the needle biopsy I had done over two weeks ago.  Our holiday in Ontario was wonderful, by the way.  I forgot a hundred times that all this was hanging over my head.  The time flew by.  Time waiting in a doctor’s office does not fly.  There were eons of it to look around at all the other people there facing their own worries and battles and challenges.  I’m not so special after all.  Just another patient to be diagnosed and treated.

And it turns out I’m okay.  There is no cancer, there is no lymphoma.  Just inflammation from an infection that never cleared.  Who knows where or why.  Today I start on a course of heavy-duty antibiotics for a month, and return on the 22nd of September to have it all reassessed.  The biopsy found nothing.  “Nothing” never sounded so good.

You don’t realize how much something is weighing on you until it’s lifted and set aside.  The relief is huge.  I feel like my life has been given back to me.  I know that’s way over the top for drama considering the circumstances, because I would have dealt with a different outcome too, one way or another.

And then this turns out to be the same day Robin Williams decides to end his life.  I just don’t get it.  We look after the physical body so well, but our mental, emotional and spiritual healing practices need a lot of work.  All I know for sure is that no matter how difficult this life might get, I still want to live it.

But maybe that’s because the degree of difficulty has never overwhelmed me.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be to battle depression every day of your life.

So are we back to normal here yet?  Picking out all the funny little things in life that make us happy?  Annoying the hell out of people who have REAL problems?

Yes we are.

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My Monday

It’s best to get minor traumatic ordeals over with first thing in the morning, which is why I booked a hair appointment at 9:00 a.m. on my Monday off.  I know that’s an ‘orphan-which’ clause, but I dearly love my orphan-which clauses and don’t feel like correcting it.  One day I might be a famous author noted for just such a repeated grammatical faux pas.  In fact, maybe I’ll call my first best seller The Orphan Which.  Watch for that, and remember, you saw it here first.

Today my hair stylist pronounced herself ‘so super excited to fix this up!’ which (sorry, I’ve done it again) set off a couple of alarm bells in my head.  But there’s really no backing out once you’re sitting in that pumped up chair under the giant black cape of doom.

To soothe my frazzled nerves and quiet what’s left of my hair standing on end,  I have spent the better part of the rest of this day finishing the second book I picked up off a bargain table.  Every so often I like to read a real book, as opposed to an e-book, and these two looked like easy reading romantic novels with a bit of mystery thrown in. I was not expecting to learn all kinds of things about assisted suicide.  In not just one of the books, but in both of them.  Really, what are the odds?

me before you

Louisa Clark has been let go from the Buttered Bun Tea Shop and with very few marketable skills is desperate for a job.  Will Traynor has spent the last two years of his life as a paraplegic following a motorcycle accident, is depressed and in pain, and has lost his will to live.  His mother hires Louisa as Wills secondary caregiver, hoping to somehow add something to his life which will change his mind about his decision to end it.  Louisa isn’t initially aware of his plans, but once she finds out, she goes a little crazy doing everything she can think of to make him happy and show him that his life is still worth living.  It’s funny and heartbreaking all at once.  Any story that makes me laugh and cry is probably one of the good ones.  The outcome is never a given.  You might be surprised.

kiss me firstAnd now meet Leila, a solitary and sheltered young woman who has recently lost her mother.  She joins a chat forum and impresses the sites founder with her ethical debate, and is asked by him to become part of what he calls “Project Tess”.  Tess, a beautiful and popular woman with bipolar disorder, has decided to commit suicide but wants to pass her identity on to Leila so that it will appear to her family and friends that she has simply moved out of the country.  They e-mail, chat and Skype in preparation for Tess’s check-out day.  Leila is very opinionated, but doesn’t have a lot of people skills and constantly misinterprets events and situations after she takes over this new identity, and you begin to think that this cannot possibly end well.  And that’s why you keep reading, because you have to find out.

I love to be pleasantly surprised by books that have a lot more depth than their titles or covers seem to indicate.  I am also pleasantly surprised by this hair cut, now that I’ve had a few hours to adjust my head to its present state of lightness and air.

So, all things considered, it’s been a not too shabby day.