Art du Jour 7

Here’s a little touch of summer for the first of November.   It rained on Halloween night,  so what snow there was has disappeared from the dead brown grass and the half-naked trees.  The sun is shining and the magpies are flying.  Actually some of them are dive-bombing our house for whatever reason magpies have for doing their particular brand of weird stuff.

As our neighborhood ages along with the rest of us,  we have fewer and fewer kids trick or treating every year.  Today the people next door will dismantle their front yard scene of ghostly horror.  I will take down my boogie man door decoration and put the witch plates away.  Yep, I go all out.

This month I am participating in Nano Poblano 2014 as a Team Pepper person.  All that’s required is a post a day.  Compared to writing a gazillion words for a novel, that should be a piece of cake, right?  Right.  It’s all about pursuing new blogging relationships. That is an excellent goal.  I probably should work harder on the content and purpose of my posts to make a good impression.  But I have never been about hard work, so if you don’t hold your breath waiting for that to happen, none of us should be too disappointed.  I will just carry on being me.

Happy Saturday!  Clean up that Halloween loot!  See you post-sugar-shock tomorrow.


The “Who Cares About Any of This” List

English: Tea shades

English: Tea shades (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The real title (which got a bit long and out of control) is “relatively unimportant things in my life which nobody cares strongly about one way or the other, or needs more details regarding, even if one tiny enlightening thing is buried in this mess somewhere, because it probably will not be worth the time it takes to finally find it.”

Huh.  That kind of sums up the whole blogging experience here.  But some days the urge to write wins over sanity and the list making compulsion is impossible to resist.

If you choose to resist reading it, come on.  It’s only five minutes out of your life that you’ll never get back.

1.  The dog barks.  Thankfully it’s in brief spurts; at birds, grass, sudden noises, other dogs, people, trees, sirens, bugs, leaves, tree trunks and the back door.  It’s all random to me.  I can’t figure out his motivation so I guess I will never understand his master plan.

2.  There are all kinds of clip-ons.  When I think you are searching for a sunglass clip on to clip on to your glasses, and you are actually looking for a clip on that clips on to your sun visor in your car and holds your sunglasses clip on or your sunglasses, we can waste a lot of time saying ‘clip on’ and ‘sunglasses’ back and forth to each other before the light bulb finally comes on.

3.  Sometimes my cardboard coffee cup leaks at the bottom.  I hate that.

4.  My VDCC (vertex distance conversion chart) lives in my lab coat pocket and is getting ratched and hard to read.  What do you mean, ratched isn’t a real word?

5.  The prices I quote at work are nothing personal.  I don’t make them up just to annoy you.  I understand that you can purchase glasses at much cheaper prices in India and China (and everywhere else in the entire world if you’re to be believed.)  But what did it cost you to get there from here?  Hmmm?  And I’m also wondering, why did you come back?

6. Okay, that wasn’t nice.

7. Think happy thoughts.

8.  When I work alone my mind wanders and my brain goes numb.  Actually that also happens when I’m not working alone.

9. I play Draw Something on my phone.  The screen is small, my fingers are fat, and my drawings could be vastly improved by any normal four-year old.

Nobody Cares

Nobody Cares (Photo credit: zoonabar)

10. I have read the instructions on how to deliver a baby in a taxi cab.  Pregnant women would be wise to avoid travelling anywhere with me.

That’s it!  The end of the list!  Wake up.  Go home.  Enjoy your Sunday.

Random Word Story

I like this kind of writing challenge – picking some random words and incorporating them into a story so that they don’t stand out in any odd-ball way.  Not as easy as it sounds, especially when the words at first appear to be completely unrelated to eachother.  I’ve used the Random Word Generator on and here’s what it gave me.

pocket, spit, nail varnish, telephone booth, gargoyle, stepsister

So here’s what you get.

Elise tucks some stray strands of her long red hair behind her ear and drives into the bright sunshine wearing the gargantuan sunglasses her stepsister Kate says make her look like some kind of giant bug.  She will never get a sunburn anywhere between her eyebrows and her cheekbones while she’s got them on, that’s for sure.  Her sensitive pale skin needs protecting from the sun, and so do her light blue eyes.  Sun damage and squint lines are probably completely foreign concepts to cute little dark haired Kate.         

The spa she’s headed for is very classy and modern, but it’s in a horrid old gothic buildling with two hideous gargoyle things hanging over the entranceway.  She zips her car into a cramped parking space off to the left of them where they won’t be staring at her with their ugly little faces.  She whips the car door open without paying attention, grabbing her bag, switching to her other glasses, shoving the keys into her pocket, clunking the passenger side door of the vehicle beside her.  What the hell, she shrugs.  Both cars are black, who’s going to notice if they’ve exchanged a bit of paint.  If there’s a scratch, a bit of spit and polish should take care of it.  She hopes.  She also decides not to look too closely at  it, or her own car door, because in situations such as this, ignorance is bliss.

Sitting high up on a vibrating chair with her feet in a tub of hot sudsy water is also pure bliss. She holds a magazine in her lap, but her eyes are closed and her head is tilted back on the rest and her mind empties of everything but the pressing matter of nail varnish color selection.  Purple?  One of those shocking vibrant reds, or maybe something weird like electric blue, or pineapple orange?  In the end she picks a boring coral, not too ostentatious, safe and ordinary.  It goes well with her safe and ordinary life and her boring personality she supposes.  The ugly stepsister color.  Maybe next time she’ll try one of those neon burgandy plum shades and her feet will look like theyr’e bruised and bleeding.  Right.  Maybe next time the gargoyles will fly off the buiding too.  

Elise is checking her messages on the way out when she hits a brick wall and her phone bounces out of her hands.  She bends down to retrieve it and notices that the brick wall is wearing tennis shoes, and his phone has gone flying too, and of course they bump heads and stagger backwards and appologize profusely to eachother.  Elise has backed herself into a phone booth she’s never noticed before.  My God, she thinks, do people still actually use those things?  This building is from the dark ages, with it’s gloomy foyer and narrow doorway where you can collide with some stranger who has obviously just had a massage because he’s got that faint red ring around his rather handsome face and hair that’s all messed up.  He holds the door for her and they head for their cars, which are parked side by side.  His has a small silvery dented scratch on the passenger side door and it sparkles in the sunshine.  She grabs her shades and shoves them on her face.  Messes around with her handbag and her keys and waits for him to leave first so that he won’t see her license plate number and report her for willful parking lot damage.  Never mind foyer head bonking.  

She is being paranoid and pathetic and Kate will laugh her ass off when she tells her about it.  And she’ll roll her eyes at the coral, no doubt about that.  Elise smiles to herself and starts her car.  The twin gargoyles stare distainfully into space as she drives away.

Can’t Leave Home Without…..

When I leave home I cart off with me all the usual stuff – handbag, cell phone, car keys, wrist watch, water bottle, tissues, glasses, sunglasses, drivers license, make up, hand lotion, a lot of lip gloss, five pens and about a hundred and ten plastic cards. And still I feel like I’ve forgotten something.

My grandma used to drive us crazy running around at the last minute to water all her house plants. There were a lot of them and the wait was therefore long. I caught myself doing that once, right before leaving for the airport. I rationalized that since I was going away for a couple of weeks and not just a couple of hours that I was not being crazy like grandma. But after that I got rid of all my house plants, just in case.

I’d like to say I never leave home without my lists, but that would be a blatant lie. If I do find one after much scrounging around in pockets and purse, it is very likely to be something I scribbled to myself last week and I can’t remember if I got everything on it or not. And this would explain why there are three jars of peanut butter in my cupboard and no toilet paper in the bathroom. However, if I suddenly develop chapped lips on my outing, I certainly have that covered.

So what might happen if I forget something? Who knows? Life as I know it would come to an abrupt end, or, a more likely scenario, I’d simply not remember what it was I forgot.

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Close Your Eyes

My work life has been wrapped around eyeballs for twenty years. I’ve worked for eye surgeons and optometrists and have a dual opticians license (glasses and contact lenses.) Why anyone in their right mind in the normal world would want to sit down for a half hour reality show about that is hard to fathom.

But I think people might tune in to a show with an unusual name, so I’ve made a list of possibilities:

Perilous Optical Exploits of the Impoverished Unknown

Optical Delusions

The Naked Eye for the Single Guy

A Sight for Sore Eyes

Fix Your Eyes on This

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night

Adventures in Visual Acuity

The Perceptive Perspicacity of Percy’s Pupils

Depth Perception

Short Sighted Shockers

The Prehistoric Presbyope

I’m pretty sure it took longer to type this list than the show would last before being cancelled for lack of interest. Or perhaps even lack of notice in the first place, except maybe for some excessive eye rolling.

I like my life and what I do, but putting it out there and expecting other people to find it entertaining?? Not in the least realistic.

(Although a cartoon show about a kid named Percy who perceives perplexing peculiarities has its possibilities. For fun tongue twisters that make your eyes cross, if nothing else.)