Easy Step by Step Instructions
- Enter a contest in which the prize is a trophy, and win first place. (In this case it was a mandatory grade eight public speaking contest. We picked a topic from a list, wrote a speech, memorized it and delivered it in front of an audience consisting of peers, judges, siblings, parents, teachers, unsuspecting friends and neighbours and people who wandered in from the street by mistake.)
- Bring the trophy home and pester members of your family until someone finally agrees to take a picture of you holding it, preferably on your front lawn with the engraved bit showing your name facing forward and yourself squinting into the sun.
- When the film is developed, be so dismayed by how the shadows make your face look like that of an angry gorilla that you feel like crying and burning it to destroy the evidence. Wonder if you might actually look like that in real life.
- Decide that although in this photo you definitely look like hell you are still proud of your achievement and are not likely to have any other pictures of it to preserve for posterity. Carefully tear the head off, although not carefully enough to save the cup and handles portion of the trophy. Rip it up anyway and throw it away.
- Mount touched up photo in album and label it “Headless Public Speaking Contest Winner 1962”.
You might also want to prepare yourself for the following conversation.
“What the hell is this?”
“It’s a picture of the trophy I won for public speaking in grade eight.”
“What happened to your head?”
“Shut up.”
Breathing Space 
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