Everybody’s Free

After hearing these words of wisdom this weekend on the radio, my son looked the whole thing up, both the ‘music’

http://www.barminski.com/frame/sunscreen.html 

and the words, and saved it all in “my favourites” for me.  Smart kid – he knows me very well.  It seems familiar somehow, so I suppose I’ve heard it before without really paying close attention.  (Well, that’s the story of my life, isn’t it?)  But it does deserve closer scrutiny.  It’s incredible advice.  I want to analyze it.  To death.

However, I will restrain myself and print it in it’s entirety first.  Then please feel free to skip the blather that will inevitably follow. 

Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)

Mary Schmich Chicago Tribune

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97… wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.

Oh my.  Fishing the past from the disposal and painting over the ugly parts.  I guess I do that.  But I think everybody does, to some extent or other.  There are some memories that are just too painful otherwise, and not worth dwelling on at all.  So don’t.  Learn something from it, and leave it behind.  Focus on the fun stuff. 

The sunscreen bit is of course the big thing here.  Bug spray is a close second.  This weekend we made sure the four little people had both, and then, as an after thought, put some on ourselves.  I still managed to end up with one arm a little too red, but otherwise merely more freckled than normal.  The sunshine feels so incredibly great it’s easy to forget the harm it can do when you over indulge.  Chocolate cake is a lot like that too.

The thing about looking back in twenty years at yourself and being amazed at how powerful and beautiful you were -that is something that is just SO going to happen to you.  I wonder why we aren’t able to enjoy our fabulousness in the present moments of time?   How is it possible to look in the mirror and never see it for ourselves?  With every old photo I post here I guess it’s what I’m doing – searching for and finding that me I never really knew existed until hindsight kicked me in the butt.   I look at photos of my mom with my toddler children and think how young and vital she was as a new grandma.  I look at pictures of my dad and wonder why I never realized how strong and handsome he always was.  So RIGHT NOW, in this exact moment, I am a young and vital grandma (to four beautiful, powerful, fabulous kids.)  I’m going to remind myself of that every day.  Even when my hair looks like crap and I feel like I’m a hundred pounds over weight and there are fifty new wrinkles around my eyes.  In twenty more years I’ll look back on this me and see that I actually looked absolutely marvelous.

There’s just one more thing I need to disect.  It’s the part that was perhaps most responsible for K. bringing all this to my attention.  Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. 

When I was little it seemed to me like every grown up I ever met had to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  If I said I didn’t know, they looked at me like I had parts missing.  But I truly didn’t know!  How can anyone know what they want to do until they do it and see if it’s fun?  W. doesn’t get this and never will.  He knew what he wanted to do, and he did it.  I pretty much followed him around trying different things, learning new skills, dabbling in a mish-mash of hobbies and going from job to job.  K. and I graduated from NAIT at the same time.  He became a licensed heavy duty mechanic, and his mother became a licensed optician.  Are we both happy doing what we’re doing?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who says we can’t pack it all in, chalk it up to experience and go in a different direction entirely?  Well – a lot of people I guess, but who needs THEM??  Dedication and focus are highly over-rated.  I much prefer indecisive and DAMNED INTERESTING! 

So – my grandmotherly advice – do what makes you happy, find what makes you feel worthwhile and fulfilled or what simply makes your life bearable.  It’s all relative.  Just be as happy as you can possibly be, and don’t waste your precious happy time wondering how different circumstances might alter your life.   Get to work, make a change, make a difference, and leave the guilt trips behind.  Do what you gotta do.  Be nice to your siblings, don’t forget the sunscreen and for GAWDSAKES remember to put on clean underwear before you leave the house.  I can’t believe she left that part out.