What one thought will you focus on this year to bring more peace? Call it a mantra, a resolution, a pebble in the pond of your consciousness that will send out ripples of peace throughout the year.
I have a female brain. I’ve decided to blame it for the fact that some days I can’t seem to focus on one thought for five minutes, so choosing a thought to last a year is a daunting task.
My mantras change with the weather. But they’re all good ones. Here’s a list which skims the top of the many different ones that go galumphing through my head. I know, that doesn’t sound very peaceful, does it? But if I can grab hold of a calming thought and breathe it in, I can also breathe it out. May you find some small thing here to soothe your soul.
1. Everything you go through, grows you.
2. You were given this life because you are strong enough to handle it.
3. Choose to see the good stuff.
4. Let it out or it will eat you away.
5. Feel everything deeply, both the pain and the joy.
6. Find the calm in the storm.
7. Be still and listen.
8. Create something beautiful.
9. Do small things with great love.
10. Laugh. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
11. Just do it. Because why the hell not?
12. Do not let the world make you hard.
13. No one heals themselves by wounding another.
14. Try being informed instead of just opinionated.
15. Don’t waste the rain. Play in the puddles.
16. Choose kindness.
17. It’s okay to make glorious, amazing mistakes because that’s how you learn.
18. Be grateful.
19. Your life has purpose, your voice matters.
20. Tell your story.
namaste
my soul honors your soul
I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides
I honor the light, love, truth, beauty and peace within you
because it is also within me
in sharing these things we are united, we are the same,
This months Peace Challenge: Party on Garth – Plan a party that will ripple peace to the world.
This post has been sitting in draft limbo for 20 days here at Breathing Space. Collecting dust and looking forlorn. Because I’m having one super non-peaceful disharmonious time getting it properly started. Sort of like a party that never got past the planning stages. That crucial first sentence is supposed to be the hook that pulls you in and makes you want to read more but Christmas has numbed my brain. Imagine each one of these really bad starts on a separate sheet of crumpled up paper used to practice basketball shots.
1. I hate parties. (That one sat around all by itself for two weeks) (Yes, it did.)
2. I dislike parties very much. Strongly. A lot. Please don’t make me go to your stupid office Christmas Party, I would rather poke myself in the eye with a stick. Make that both eyes with two sticks.
3. I am not a fan of big parties because they seem to consist of crazy noisy drunken crowds, music that’s much too loud with overlapping conversations from six different directions at once so that I get a headache and my ears start to buzz and I just want to go home. There is food sitting around at room temperature for way too long and I don’t want to get food poisoning and people who have had too much to drink always double dip. Gah. I don’t like getting dressed up or dancing (I won’t dance, don’t ask me) and what if there are stupid party games, shenanigans and contests….omg, do people still do that shit? Can I hide in the bathroom?
4. ….party pooper, stick-in-the-mud, wet blanket…. (thank you thesaurus, but where’s my picture?)
5. I am the exact opposite of the life of the party, which must mean I am the death of the party.
6. I can’t remember the last time I got invited to a party. Well. I wonder why.
7. I am not just doing this for the T-shirt you know……
Okay I’m done with the excuses and the procrastinating, as well as with trying to find my inner party animal, because I obviously don’t have one anymore. It took off somewhere around my 30th birthday and hasn’t been heard from since. I guess I don’t hate ALL parties though. Small celebrations and family get-togethers and informal dinner parties are all perfectly fine, as are kids birthday parties and conversations over coffee. This might give you the impression that any party I plan would be EXTREMELY peaceful, because everyone would pass out from boredom. You could be right.
However, think about this for a minute. What if World Peace Talks were combined with generous amounts of wine and cheese? Do you think there would be any more disputes and disagreements after, say, a case or two of Chardonnay each and twelve different kinds of cheese? Worth a try. You can’t fight about something if you don’t remember what it was you were mad about or why you showed up in the first place.
So my peace party will be a wine and cheese tasting extravaganza. I will set up a table of all those exotic cheeses you see in the grocery store deli but are afraid to buy because they’re so expensive and what if they’re gross? Well what you do in that case is bring them out and serve them to your guests, that’s what. Somebody somewhere is bound to like at least one of them. The choices are truly mind-boggling. Pay attention, I’m trying to teach you something here.
Don’t worry, I’ll make up little signs on toothpicks so you know what the hell you just ate.
Same with the wine. I promise to buy a variety of red and white wines based on the proprietors recommendations and not just on my inclination to try the ones with hysterically funny names.
My plan is to choose one cheese from each category and one wine from each complimentary category, pair them together and pretend I actually know what I’m doing.
There will be crackers and olives, nuts, strawberries and peaches, pear slices, walnut bread and strong dark chocolate. Figs, dried apricots, dates and maybe even some champagne. We’ll call that dessert.
Everyone at the party must participate in one action for peace. I will have been sampling wine all afternoon and will be in no condition to determine what exactly that action should be, so please surprise me.
Will this party bring more joy, smiles, love, and peace into the world? Well hopefully, because that would be a lot better result than just a bunch of severe wine hangovers.
On a much more serious note, this is a video on YouTube called The Empathic Civilisation from a lecture by Jeremy Rifkin. Perhaps I will make it compulsory viewing at my party. The Bloggers for Peace idea that Kozo started almost a year ago has generated just this kind of awareness of our sociability, attachment, affection, and companionship with all kinds of people that we might not otherwise have met. In our quest for peace we are certainly not alone. We are all family, and every one of us wishes to celebrate this life we’re so privileged to be living. It’s all about extending empathy until it encompasses everyone on the planet. That my friend would be one big party.
“Normally we divide the external world into that which we consider to be good or valuable, bad or worthless, or neither. Most of the time these discriminations are incorrect or have little meaning. For example, our habitual way of categorizing people as friends, enemies, and strangers depending on how they make us feel is both incorrect and a great obstacle to developing impartial love for all living beings. Rather than holding so tightly to our discriminations of the external world, it would be much more beneficial if we learned to discriminate between valuable and worthless states of mind.” ― Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, Transform Your Life: A Blissful Journey
The monthly peace challenge for November is “Love Thy Enemy“. Open your arms to your enemies. Think of a person, a place, a nation, a culture, a religion, a gender, or an ideology that you view as an enemy.
Enemy is a word I don’t like very much. For three days I’ve been trying to think of an enemy to embrace, feeling all smug and lucky that I don’t have one. Yes, I am often in La La Land and oblivious to many things. What exactly does it mean to have enemies?
I looked it up, thinking surely I must have missed the boat here if I can’t be all angry and hateful about something like other normal people. It’s a relativist term for an entity, whether an individual or a group, that is seen as forcefully adverse or threatening.
Relativism is the concept that points of view have no absolute truth or validity, having only relative, subjective value according to differences in perception and consideration.
In other less wordy words, sometimes the enemy is conjured up in our heads when we see life as black and white, good guys and bad guys, friends and foes. Sometimes it’s even a one-sided concept, and our perceived enemies have no idea they’re causing us frustration and grief. And I guess that’s how a person becomes their own worst enemy.
I don’t like this word because when you label a person or a group or a nation as the enemy, you give them power over you, and you set yourself up to become a victim. You begin to see them as the cause of all your problems. They hurt you, and you want to hurt them back in the same way. You hold a grudge and you want revenge. And suddenly you are no better and no different from the perceived enemy.
My parents taught me to be a good human being and to treat people with love, kindness, compassion and respect. Do unto others, turn the other cheek; practice tolerance, benevolence and forgiveness. Do I do all of these things all of the time? Hell yes!
Okay, no, of course I don’t. I try. But I also battle my fears, anger, misjudgments, narrow-mindedness and intolerance. Some days I win, some days I lose.
There have been some annoying people in my life that I couldn’t stand, who irritated the hell out of me, made me bitter and resentful, spiteful and unkind. I never thought of them as the enemy, but I guess I treated them as if they were exactly that. Am I proud of how I’ve acted? Did it make me happy? Nope.
The bad feelings are destructive and counterproductive and even if I thought I was keeping them all inside, I know they affected the people around me. Sending out those bad vibes is never a good idea because they always bounce right back.
It’s always easier to blame than it is to understand. It takes a lot less time to be mad at somebody than to try to figure out why they act the way they do. But grief and hatred and hurt are the enemies of love and happiness and peace. Every one of us is responsible for how we relate to the world around us. Every relationship is an important part of the whole. We think it doesn’t matter much if we hate something or someone but fear and anger and hatred spread until families and cultures and societies are infused with it. Am I adding to that when I let my bad attitude out to play?
Turning resentment and hatred into acceptance and love is a challenge. I have been challenged my whole life. I think I’m finally winning the race though. It took me three days, after all, to think up an enemy. It’s that little voice in my head that tells me it doesn’t matter what I do or how I feel. Because it does matter. Every one of us matters and we’re all in this together. So let’s be friends.
“In reality, there are no enemies; we’re all souls in growth, waking up”
― James Redfield The Tenth Insight: Holding the Vision
This month’s Bloggers for Peace Challenge: Let’s visualize what a peaceful world will look like. What is your dream of peace?
Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
As much as I love this guy, don’t worry, my vision of world peace doesn’t have Neil Patrick Harris running the show and calling the shots.
Ruler of the World would be an impossible job, unless we could all miraculously agree on some universal ideal and be okay with having that enforced until someone comes up with something better. Everyone on earth happily following all ‘the rules’. But we’re human, and we all know that’s not likely going to happen. There will always be rule breakers, no matter how well-intentioned the rules may be. Some of us would get bored in a hurry and decide to stir things up. Some of us thrive on chaos.
And then we’d simply end up with a brand new mess. Have you noticed that has happened before? There are as many reasons for our lack of peace and happiness as there are individuals on this earth. We’re a very unpredictable assortment of characters, because each one of us has some inner battle to fight, insecurities and fears to face, wants and needs and goals to attain. Who wants to try to contain and control all of that? Not me, and probably not Neil Patrick Harris either, if he stops to think about it for a minute.
My dream of peace is simply that everybody tries their hardest to learn to get along. I just want all of us to stop fighting, have fun, and be happy.
And yes, I DO have some helpful hints. I’ve been a MOM, after all, and what mom doesn’t wish for that kind of blissful family life? I believe that these are some of the things we need to do to live more peacefully, teaching our children by example. And then maybe we can spread the love around and reach all the “children” of every age all over the world.
1. Love and be kind to yourself first. Be your own best friend, happy with exactly who you are. You are worthy of love and acceptance and you deserve to be here.
2. Never be afraid of what comes next. Things over which you have no control are going to happen. That’s life. You will be okay. You will probably come out a better and wiser person on the other side of it all.
3. Be grateful every day for what you already have in your life. If you’re not, what makes you think you’ll be happy with more?
4. A meaningful life is not made by becoming rich, popular, highly educated, powerful or perfect. Emptiness cannot be filled by someone else or by many possessions. Look after the spiritual you by staying real, by being strong, and by sharing yourself and touching the lives of others. Money can’t buy you love, is what I’m trying to say.
5. “People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chefs salads, with good things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.” (Lemony Snicket) Be kind, respectful and tolerant of others. There is something good and worthy of love in every person you meet.
6. “We are all going to die. All of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by NOTHING.” (Charles Bukowski) Don’t get eaten up by nothing. Life is much too short to waste even a minute of it.
7. Don’t get so caught up in making a good life, dealing with life, or just floating through life that you forget to actually live it. Stop chasing better tomorrows. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow, and today is really all you’ve got. Make it marvelous.
8. Give unconditional love to the earth and all of its inhabitants. We are all in this together.
9. All of your ancestors are right there behind you. You are the result of the love of thousands and you are never alone.
10. “Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful.”(Marianne Williamson) Breathe the air, feel the love, share the joy.
Live a full, contented and happy life. You can do it. Love and peace are all you need.
This month the Bloggers for Peace challenge from Kozo at everyday gurusis to invoke the power of music, and to post something about the intersection of music and peace.
After my husband got satellite radio and set it up in our house to blat away 24/7, our son, here on a weekend visit, wondered aloud why we kept it tuned to a station playing such bizarre and eclectic random stuff. Those weren’t his exact words, but close enough. W told him “because that’s the only station your mother doesn’t turn off.”
That was rather enlightening for all of us, illustrating, among other things, what a joy I am to live with.
I used to wonder why my dad seemed to be so sensitive to what he called “a bunch of damned noise” when it came to our teenage tastes in music, but now I get it. There is music I like a lot and will listen to selectively when the rare mood for it hits me, but over all I prefer the sounds of silence. Listening to nothing greatly reduces the chances of getting a song stuck in my head for hours on end. Or maybe my longing for quiet is a throwback to the days when we all took music lessons and hammered away on the piano giving the entire household pounding headaches. It was a great relief to walk away and escape outside for some peace and quiet. I’m pretty sure that’s how I got a beautiful heart out of the whole piano lesson experience.
So what kind of music do I find peaceful? Lullabies are lovely. Anything soft and slow and barely audible. Deep wind chimes in a summer breeze. Something with beautiful lyrics, or no lyrics at all. There are some classical pieces (like Chopins Nocturnes for instance) with the power to soothe the soul. I like R&B and Jazz. I especially love instrumental mood music with background water falls and thunder storms. Yep, I’m one of those people.
I also like Gregorian chant, and its immitators. And the pure, clear, incredibly beautiful and haunting Celtic solo voice. Put these two together and it’s hard for me to imagine music any more easy listening and peace inspiring than this.
I hope this video gives you a few moments of blissful peace and relaxation. And then, I promise, you can go back to your polkas or hip hop or hard rock or whatever it is that works for you.
Come now, come by our side
A place where you can hide
We are the sunshine
Rest your soul here and you’ll find
We are the energy
We give the world to thee
Hold up your heart now
We will ease pain from your brow
In a world without dangers,
Where destruction is near
You can come with us here.
Where the people are strangers
You will rest here with me
In a moment of peace.
In a world without dangers,
Where destruction is near
You can come with us here.
Where the people are strangers
You will rest here with me
In a moment of peace.
Light up the dark below
See through the stars
Reach to the earth’s flow
Drift in the joy of our hearts
Unleash the energy
Taste of the wine
Drink as a soul that knows now
The power divine
In a world without dangers,
Where destruction is near
You can come with us here.
Where the people are strangers
You will rest here with me
In a moment of peace.
In a world without dangers,
Where destruction is near
You can come with us here.
Where the people are strangers
You will rest here with me
In a moment of peace.
I’ve been told I never ask for help (although heaven knows I need it and we could all use some.) Being independent and stubborn and believing if I try hard enough I can do it on my own often leaves me feeling alone, confused, frustrated and afraid. You know this, you’ve heard me whine and complain about it. It’s too hard, I’m so lost, I just don’t know. Finding this elusive thing called inner peace can be one colossal struggle.
There will always be issues, problems, and challenges; I get that. I know I’m just another wandering soul in this vast universe searching for enlightenment, and I know I’ve come this close. I’d like to know why I shut my eyes tight at the last minute, sure that the light will blind me.
So I guess I could just yell “Help!” into the void and wait to see what happens, but I’m thinking you might want me to be a little more specific than that. If I chose this lifetime, forgive me, but I can’t remember why. Please give me some small hints and gentle reminders.
Please help me reach deep inside myself for compassion, sympathy and understanding. Help me to be more loving, more caring, more giving. Help me to see and appreciate the beauty and the miracles that are all around me in every smile, every laugh, every hug.
I could use a little help remembering that when I can’t figure everything out – it’s okay. Tell me to simply be still and listen. Stop me when I’m too hard on myself, and when I take myself way too seriously.
Make me grateful for the people who are in my life, even when they drive me crazy, because they are here to teach me something. Could you please speed up that learning process a bit though? Meanwhile, I will try to stop wishing I could change who they are, because we both know that is never going to happen. They are who they are, and there is good in everyone, even if it’s hard for me to see. I’m a little skeptical about true unconditional love for everyone, but I know it’s not impossible.
Don’t let me be tossed about and influenced and messed up by the decisions of other people. Help me stand my ground, but don’t let limiting beliefs close my mind. I know, that’s a tough one. I want to take my own steps forward, without being pushed or pulled. Help me to accept responsibility for my own happiness, to believe that every ending is simply a new beginning, taking me in a different and better direction.
I promise to joyfully accept the happy accidents, the beautiful chance encounters, the strange and mysterious coincidences that happen in my life. I will try to do everything I can do with what I’ve got, loving and appreciating myself and feeling worthy. Stamp all that on my brain somewhere, would you please? Along with the fact that I am strong, I am safe, and I am deeply loved. I tend to forget all these things on a regular basis.
Help me every day to fall in love all over again, with my family, my friends, and this wonderful life adventure in our magical world. Remind me that every small act of kindness has a ripple effect which reaches out and expands, helping to heal the broken hearts of people I’ve never even met. Being kind is not a sacrifice, it is a joy.
Most of all, don’t let my past rule my future. Don’t let me put off celebrating today, this moment, the power and the freedom of now. Today is the only thing that matters. There is nothing else.
Well, there you go, I think that’s about it. I know you can handle all this, being that you’re all-powerful and all-knowing and eternal and all that celestial stuff. And I know you do all these things for me already even when I don’t ask and for this I am truly grateful. Inner peace is not an illusion and I know I will find it.
Monthly Peace Challenge from Kozo at everyday gurus – “This month I challenge you to explore how to have peace in relationships or how to have peace at home.”
After 41 years of being married to W (42 in November if we both live that long) I totally understand how you might think of me as a relationship guru with all the answers when it comes to making commitments that last. I often think of myself that way. And then I give myself a good smack on the forehead and come back to earth for a while. Because really, who knows why some relationships last a lifetime and others are just practice runs for something better? We’re all different, and we all relate to each other in different ways.
This is an excellent challenge for all the Bloggers for Peace, and for anyone who is now or has ever been in any kind of relationship, wants to end an old or start a new relationship, or wonders if relationships are all they’re cracked up to be or worth the effort it takes to maintain them. So that covers pretty much every human being on earth.
Every one of us has our own individual recipe for a peaceful home with a list of ingredients that makes relationships with others work for us. It should never be carved in stone. We grow, we change, we evolve. My personal formula for happiness is in constant revision. At this particular moment in time, these are some of the things that work for me. If I come back and read this post in five years time and wonder how I could have been such an idiot, that’s probably a good thing. It means I’ve learned something new and changed, hopefully for the better.
Okay! Here we go. Grandmalin’s Relationship Advice Column.What makes a peaceful relationship and what you can do to become a better partner. Because there is nothing else in life I enjoy more than telling people what to do.
1. Make peace with yourself first. You have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. There is no one out there who can make you happy. That’s your job. Another person can help bring out the best in you, but the best has to be there in the first place. There are also no positive relationships with emotionally unavailable people. If the people you’re currently hanging around with are not happy, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. If you and your significant other have grown in different directions and can no longer connect or appreciate each other, by all means consider that it may be the right time for both of you to move on.
This is number one on my list because it cannot be stressed enough. When you love yourself and are at peace with who you are, that love will spill over into all your relationships with your family and your friends and with every one you meet. And it will open your heart to receive the peace and the love that comes back to you.
2. Don’t try to change each other. Go bang your head against a brick wall instead. It will get the same results. Accept, adapt, acknowledge. Change and growth cannot be forced. Overlook the little things that bug you, because they really don’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, and work on your own reactions to them instead. Don’t nag, don’t harass. You could maybe try crying and pleading, and see if that works. But don’t get your hopes up. Sometimes you just have to readjust your expectations and carry on.
3. Speak up/Communicate. Unless you are both mind readers, you will have to talk to each other. Express your own feelings instead of trying to make the other person feel something. Saying “I care deeply about what is happening” means “I care deeply about you.”
4. Shut up/Listen. Unless you are both mind readers, you will have to really hear what is being said to you. Don’t blame, don’t judge until you’ve truly listened with empathy and compassion. Everyone wants and deserves to be heard.
5. Admit that you don’t know everything. Because, hey – you don’t know everything. Confess when you mess up. Step back when you are angry. One person should not get to be the boss all the time. Not even you. Apologize when you need to and don’t stay mad.
6. Slow down. Life is short and should be savoured at a leisurely pace. What’s your hurry, anyway? You’ll get to the end of it soon enough. Be patient with each other. Enjoy the learning process together. Shoot for less drama and more calm. Work through the issues. Be strong enough as a team to weather every storm.
7. Be kind. Keep your promises. Each of you deserves to be seen and heard, loved and appreciated. Be grateful for the time and energy and tolerance it takes to support a loving relationship. Be supportive and helpful and happy for each other’s successes. When you fall flat on your face it’s nice to have someone around to help you pick yourself up. Be that someone for the people you love.
8. Give each other lots of space. Respect the other persons right to do things on their own, to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. You may be a couple, but you are still both individuals working hard on whatever it takes for you to be the best you can be, investing time and energy in your own personal growth. Sometimes we simply need someone to be there, not to fix anything or even to do anything in particular, but just to stand beside us so that we know we are cared for and loved.
9. Play. Have fun. Laugh. Be silly. Life does not have to be so serious. Spend part of every day being a bit wild and crazy. See how that feels. Pretty good, hey? Do it again tomorrow.
10. Never forget why you fell in love in the first place. The older you get, the harder it may be for you to recall what the hell you were thinking. Just remember, your relationship does not define you and it does not own you. You are now, and forever will be, yourself, living your own life. But since you’ve decided for now that you’re in this together, don’t stop working on your relationship and everything that makes it sweet.
Love yourself, give love, receive love, be in love. Practice, practice, practice. That’s how peace happens.
We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.
– John Lennon
Patrice Torrillo fineartamerica.com
Sun/Moon Art is fascinating. Second only to my love of all things African, these delightful works of art fill me with comfort and serenity – peaceful easy feelings. My African art does this too, but I have no idea how to describe to someone else how carvings of elephants and giraffes, paintings of beautiful black women dancing, and crazy scary tribal masks can inspire peace and joy. For me they just do.
It will be difficult explaining the sun/moon/stars thing too. But I’ll try. When someone is miles away, it’s nice to know we are still under the same sky, gazing at the same small glimpse of heaven. The sun and the moon and the stars belong to everybody. Or to no one at all. We may be quite different, but we are each tiny parts making up this vast universe. We all shine.
Maybe we look at the sun, moon and stars with a longing to return from whence we came. Or it’s simply the yin/yang day/night balance that is pleasing, or the beautiful colors or the symmetry that draw us in.
Explaining art is like trying to work out exactly why a joke is funny. Some things are inexplicable and best just happily embraced for whatever emotions they may uncover. I wish you peace, how ever you may find it.
sun moon role reverse hozukidono.deviantart.com
sun and moon by jessica kauffman
wall hanging sun moon copper at giftsofart.com
moon-sun mikedubois.net
sun moon god goddess found on tumblr.com
“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: – you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.” – E.E. Cummings
English: Children dancing, International Peace Day 2009, Geneva. Français : Enfants dansant, Journée internationale de la Paix 2009, Genève. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
How do we teach children what peace means, and how do we raise our children to be peaceful?
The answer is amazingly simple. We teach by example. Simple answers don’t make the actual process easy of course. We have all seen or been the parent who yells and rants, flips out and stomps off, slams a door, gets mad, gets even. Kids mimic what they see, they repeat what they hear, and they either learn from our mistakes or they repeat them. The best and maybe the only way we can teach our children what peace means is by living it.
My parents were both peaceful and peace-loving. Mom always saw the best in every person she met and every situation she faced – she could put a positive spin on even the worst disaster, and point out some redeeming quality in a complete ass. Dad forever saw the funny side of life. It’s like I spent my childhood with a Mark Twain clone – he would tell us a funny story or make a witty remark or a silly comment that didn’t just make us laugh, it made us think. My parents never had raging battles, and rarely even argued for long before coming to a mutually acceptable decision, even if the decision was simply to agree to disagree.
How incredibly lucky we were to be their children, sheltered from the violence and cruelty of the world for so long. Of course the down side to that is not knowing how to react to, and cope with, furious anger and deliberate malice when confronted with it head on. We were taught not to fight back and that peaceful resolutions were always to be sought, and almost always possible to reach. We were shown that siblings can be our very best friends, that mistakes can be forgiven, that happiness is something you have to find within yourself because no one is going to present it to you on a golden platter. I grew up knowing that anger you can’t let go of will just make everyone miserable. No matter how uneasy the peace, it is always better to seek it than to let a conflict fester and grow.
So how have I done as a mother myself, after having been blessed with such shining examples to follow? I wish I could tell you I’ve been the perfect wise and peaceful parent, but if you’re a parent yourself you know first hand there’s really no such thing. Parenthood is something we muddle through hoping to keep the damage to a minimum. We want peace and happiness and joy for our children and we will wish hard for it for the rest of our lives.
Before I became the incredibly smart old person that I am now, a newborn baby always looked to me like some blank little human that could be shaped and molded into whatever sort of person its family was capable of creating. Not so great parents ended up with little brats. How completely deluded that notion turned out to be.
Newborn child, seconds after birth. The umbilical cord has not yet been cut. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Because a child is born with personality plus. All we can hope to accomplish as his parent and guardian is to get to know him, keep him safe and watch him grow. We can guide and console and love him but we can’t make him turn himself into something he is not, and perhaps was never meant to be.
The very hardest part about being a parent is knowing how much growing up we have left to do ourselves. I sometimes think our children teach us just as much about life as we are trying to teach them. Maybe more. We give our children rules to live by, examples to follow, consequences for their actions. It’s only fair that there should be some parenting rules, and for whatever they’re worth, here are mine.
1. Keep talking to your child. Tell him what you think, what you believe, what you want, how you feel. Some of it is bound to sink in eventually.
2. Shut up and listen. Let him freely express what he thinks, what he believes, what he wants, how he feels. You will learn more things from listening to your child than you ever believed possible. Have some serious discussions. Share some laughs. Keep an open mind.
3. Be loving and kind and compassionate. Growing up is not easy. You haven’t finished the process either, so be patient with your child, and be patient with yourself.
4. Be grateful for what you have and less concerned with what you lack. Know that ‘things’ themselves are not what make us happy. Be generous whenever you can. It really is true that the more you give the more you receive, no matter what the ‘gift’.
5. Support your childs creative nature and expanding spirit. Share his happiness, share his joy. Teach him that sharing the joy of others brings joy right back to him. Be constantly delighted and astounded by the incredible person he is turning out to be. His dreams are different from yours and his path is not the same as the one you are on. How boring and disappointing it would be if we all raised little mini-me’s.
6. Be okay with life. Work with change, rather than against it. Accept what is, let go, and let be.
When we are okay with life, there is no reason to fight. When we are calm and confident and have a sort of mental equilibrium somewhere between what is ‘wrong’ and what is ‘right’, the tension and the struggle to go one way or the other disappears. I think that is called peace. I think that is the only way we can teach it to our children, by showing them that we get it, that we want it, and that we live it ourselves the best way we know how.
Although you see the world different from me
Sometimes I can touch upon the wonders that you see
And all the new colors and pictures you’ve designed
Oh yes sweet darling so glad you are a child of mine
Child of mine, child of mine
Oh yes sweet darling so glad you are a child of mine
You don’t need directions, you know which way to go
And I don’t want to hold you back I just want to watch you grow
You’re the one who taught me, you don’t have to look behind
Oh yes sweet darling, so glad you are a child of mine
Nobody’s gonna kill your dreams or tell you how to live your life
There’ll always be people who make it hard for a while
But you’ll change their heads when they see you smile
The times you were born in may not have been the best
But you can make the times to come better than the rest
I know you will be honest if you can’t always be kind
Oh yes sweet darling, so glad you are a child of mine
Child of mine, child of mine
Oh yes sweet darling so glad you are a child of mine
Child of mine, child of mine
Oh yes sweet darling so glad you are a child of mine
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Breathing Space 
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